Time passed, they moved away, we moved on out of that homeschool group, and we didn't see each other for a long time. Then one day, this mum reconnected with me. Or at least she tried! For two years after the girls came home she tried. She was very patient! I was just keeping my head above water and really, honestly, not doing a ton of extra things. Just trying to get back into the swing of things with two extra children. Imagine having twin babies. I had two friends who did that. I barely saw them until their kids were two years old. They were just coping. I was much the same. Once I hit the one year mark it got much easier, but still not simple.
Now, life is normal. I can't imagine life without eight children. (smile) And then one day this mum and I tried again. We almost made it. Life happened and this time it wasn't me. (smile) A few more months went by and then we tried again. And made it. And the rest is history. What was I waiting for! (laugh)
We have had so many wonderful talks that only a mum of many, who homeschools, who has a multi-cultural family, who has big ones and little ones - could get! We have so many things in common, including, our good points and flaws.
It is such a blessing to have a friend who I can be downright honest with and know that I will not be judged. Instead, we share our weaknesses only to help the other one up. Many times she or I will share a situation and the other knows how to handle it because they are dealing with the same thing. Or perhaps, we know what to do, but know how *hard* it is to do that thing we must do, so we can commiserate and be *real*. Noone is listening but us. Noone is judging.
I am very thankful for my new *friend* Chelsea and all that she has brought to my life. Her wisdom, her kindness, her strength, her laughter, her gentle corrections, her comfortableness in my home! I hope you can all find someone that gets *you* and is on the same journey you are one. Because I can tell you they are about the only person who doesn't mind you waking them up at 7:47 am with a critical question about a situation that is going on *right now and I need advice!* (laugh) Yes, we have done that to each other. We now know to answer each other's crisis calls right away, because many times it helps us make the right decision versus what we might have instead reacted like!
Not to mention, when you have six kids, or eight, like me, and are both stay-at-home mums on a tight budget, it is really nice when your kids meet someone else that eats oatmeal many mornings a week! (laugh)
Here are some fun pictures we had when the kids came over for an impromptu birthday party for Cooper, Cassidy, and Ben.
Who Needs a Schoolyard.
Between us we have fourteen children! What fun they had! There was a friend for everyone! Cassidy and Ben shared a birthday. Austin had his friend, D., the girls had A, who was just their age, Cooper had a new friend, just a year younger, L., and Briton had little M. And then we can't forget sweet little Baby O, who had noone his age. :o)
Kids Doing Lunch Clean-Up
I just want to add a somber note to the end of this email. I heard from a friend this morning that she has closed down her blog. This mum was real. She told it as it was. But someone felt she was not doing the job right, so they called Family Services on her, and now her family is going through turmoil.
This is so unfair. Unless you are an adoptive mum or dad, you will never know the challenges that a family faces. You will also never know the love a mum feels for an adopted child, while *still* going through the ups and downs and twists and turns of transitioning a child from another family and / or culture into your family. It is an adjustment for everyone and it takes time. It is not always easy. But we are all in it for the long haul because we love our kids - all of them.
So please, when you read someone's story and they are sharing, remember that you are not hearing the whole story. You are hearing a piece of it. Don't judge them from a sentence or two, or even a paragraph or page. Get to know the real people. And usually in Blog Land we don't get that opportunity. I am very thankful, though, that I do have a chance to connect with a few of the real people out there.
Also, blogs have become somewhere that people share with other adoptive families, because we all need support. I can't tell you how helpful the blogs are that are very honest. The ones that sugarcoat things don't do anything for me. I don't read them anymore. I want the nuts and bolts, the meat and potatoes. It is those blogs and those people being real that has moved me along the most in my adoption journey.
And my journey is about becoming the best mum I can be to my adopted girls. Do I know what it feels like to be in their shoes? Absolutely not. So I do the best I can learning and gleaning from others who are also on the same path, while reaching out to others in the hopes that what I learn can help others.
This is one of the main reasons I have considered and am still considering going private. My children and family are the most important thing to me. The only reason for staying public was to be a source of information for those that follow, like the ones that have helped me.
Just before I talked about going private some weeks ago, I had heard of a family in the States that had their kids taken away because of her sharing on her blog. I have read some of this woman's blog. She is another one that is real. And real is not always pretty! It can be downright ugly.
But you know what? When we stepped into adoption we had no clue. We had been to the seminars and been told 'all the right stuff' like attachment and open adoption, and fetal alcohol syndrome, but we had not learned about ages being wrong, brains being damaged by trauma related injuries, and so many things that International Adoption can bring.
So is it worth it? To leave a blog public to help strangers, when the very same strangers can hurt? I don't know. I am still thinking about it. I don't have anything to hide, but then neither did my friend who was called on by Family Services.
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