Our Deep, Yet, Witty Big Girl.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Two Countries, Two Mums, and Two Dads
About a week ago, I decided that I would open the topic of Mesai's Enat with her. We had had the girls for 5 weeks, and they had not been raised by their Enat for pretty much a year, but I knew Mesai remembered her. I knew the girls had been advised to 'move forward' and that Canada was a new start. (This was not our advice.)
But to me, in my thinking, moving forward and making Canada and her new family the only way, was not the best thing for her. The girls need their roots and they need pride in both their countries.
Last week, when I brought this topic up to her I pulled her onto my lap and asked her questions, knowing I could be met with answers that I was not prepared to handle. I felt it was necessary, so I moved forward.
"Mesai, do you miss, Sintayehu? Your Enat?" She thought for a minute and then acknowledged that she did. I hugged her and told her that it was a good thing that she missed her. I know of a number of children who have been advised by people to not miss things and therefore it is not unusual for them to not admit their love and loss. I was pleased to see that she felt open to sharing this with me.
I then asked if she loved her Enat, and when she replied that, Yes, she did, I told her that her Enat loved her, too, and missed her too, but she knew she was happy in Canada.
"I am happy that you talked to me. I want you to always be able to talk to me about your Enat. We are all a family, and now you have 'two mums'. Two mums love you."
Her smile told me that she was happy with our conversation. I felt good about the fact that the topic was now on the table. I remember in the first days thinking that I would open up a topic that would cause her real grief. As time went on though, and I heard more from other families, I just felt that to show her that she could talk about her past was so important that I needed to take that chance.
Tonight, I opened the topic again. Mesai has shown herself to want to be Canadian and forget Ethiopia. I do not want this to happen. Apparently, this is common of adopted children. Thankfully, we have friends who have Ethiopian contacts, so we can use these contacts and create a relationship with our girls with their friends.
I was out for our first walk around the block today with all the younger ones, plus Cassidy, my helper.
On the way back I made a comment to Mesai about how nice it was in Canada. She had clearly loved our walk and it was her first jaunt off the property. She announced that Canada was nice. When Austin asked her about Ethiopia, Is Ethiopia nice? She responded, No.
I knew we needed to talk. So when I put her to bed tonight, I had a little chat. I love the quiet times, like bed and bath, cause then I can chat. With her being so sharp I know there are key words that I can use that will get through to her, and then we kind of creep forward with trying to understand each other. It is slow, but oh, so rewarding!! Little tiny insights.
As I tucked her into bed I said, "Mesai, you are from Ethiopia. That is a wonderful country! Daddy and I love Ethiopia. In Ethiopia there are nice people. Kind people. Loving people. It is a beautiful country. We love Ethiopia. You should be proud to be from Ethiopia.
You are from Canada, too! You are a lucky girl. You have TWO countries! Gadisae is from Ethiopia, and she is from Canada. She has two countries. You are lucky girls!
Briton is from Canada. Cooper is from Canada. They only have ONE country. You have TWO countries. You are lucky. I want you to be proud of being Ethiopian."
She seemed to understand what I was saying and believe me, because she made a connection to our previous conversation. When I left her side to go and put cream on Gadisae's hands and tuck her in, she said to me, "One mum. No, two mums." She put up two fingers.
"Yes, you have two mums. One Eeetiopia mum and one Canada mum. Yes."
"Two mums and two dads," She repeated.
This was the first that she had mentioned her Ethiopian dad, so I was a bit excited to see an opening for a 'talk'. I was so pleased to see that she was remembering our talk from the other day about her Enat, and her desire to bring this up again. I finished with Gadisae and then went back to Mesai's bed.
"What is your Eeetiopian abat's name?"
"I don't know."
"What is your Eeetiopian mum's name?"
"Sintayehu," she replied very promptly.
"Your Eeetiopian abat's name is Adugna." I pronounced the 'g' as a hard sounding g.
She looked at me funny and said, "I don't know." I told it to her again, and then she said, "Aduunya" - the pronunciation is different that I thought it was. She may be remembering that that was her surname before she was adopted. That is Ethiopian custom for the girl to take the dad's first name as her surname. I am not sure that she remembers her dad.
We chatted some more and confirmed that she had Two Mums and Two Dads and Two Countries - what a Lucky Girl!!!
It is so exciting to see progress. I can see that talking about her Enat and Abat are good things, and it is neat to see how quickly she changed her view on what is good and bad. Just by being told it is okay to love and talk about something.
It felt right. A little step at a time, but slowly I have a view into her heart and as her language comes through more, I will be able to chat with her more. I would love to ask her questions such as, what does she remember of different things. But those are big words and hard concepts. Soon.
.
.
But to me, in my thinking, moving forward and making Canada and her new family the only way, was not the best thing for her. The girls need their roots and they need pride in both their countries.
Last week, when I brought this topic up to her I pulled her onto my lap and asked her questions, knowing I could be met with answers that I was not prepared to handle. I felt it was necessary, so I moved forward.
"Mesai, do you miss, Sintayehu? Your Enat?" She thought for a minute and then acknowledged that she did. I hugged her and told her that it was a good thing that she missed her. I know of a number of children who have been advised by people to not miss things and therefore it is not unusual for them to not admit their love and loss. I was pleased to see that she felt open to sharing this with me.
I then asked if she loved her Enat, and when she replied that, Yes, she did, I told her that her Enat loved her, too, and missed her too, but she knew she was happy in Canada.
"I am happy that you talked to me. I want you to always be able to talk to me about your Enat. We are all a family, and now you have 'two mums'. Two mums love you."
Her smile told me that she was happy with our conversation. I felt good about the fact that the topic was now on the table. I remember in the first days thinking that I would open up a topic that would cause her real grief. As time went on though, and I heard more from other families, I just felt that to show her that she could talk about her past was so important that I needed to take that chance.
Tonight, I opened the topic again. Mesai has shown herself to want to be Canadian and forget Ethiopia. I do not want this to happen. Apparently, this is common of adopted children. Thankfully, we have friends who have Ethiopian contacts, so we can use these contacts and create a relationship with our girls with their friends.
I was out for our first walk around the block today with all the younger ones, plus Cassidy, my helper.
On the way back I made a comment to Mesai about how nice it was in Canada. She had clearly loved our walk and it was her first jaunt off the property. She announced that Canada was nice. When Austin asked her about Ethiopia, Is Ethiopia nice? She responded, No.
I knew we needed to talk. So when I put her to bed tonight, I had a little chat. I love the quiet times, like bed and bath, cause then I can chat. With her being so sharp I know there are key words that I can use that will get through to her, and then we kind of creep forward with trying to understand each other. It is slow, but oh, so rewarding!! Little tiny insights.
As I tucked her into bed I said, "Mesai, you are from Ethiopia. That is a wonderful country! Daddy and I love Ethiopia. In Ethiopia there are nice people. Kind people. Loving people. It is a beautiful country. We love Ethiopia. You should be proud to be from Ethiopia.
You are from Canada, too! You are a lucky girl. You have TWO countries! Gadisae is from Ethiopia, and she is from Canada. She has two countries. You are lucky girls!
Briton is from Canada. Cooper is from Canada. They only have ONE country. You have TWO countries. You are lucky. I want you to be proud of being Ethiopian."
She seemed to understand what I was saying and believe me, because she made a connection to our previous conversation. When I left her side to go and put cream on Gadisae's hands and tuck her in, she said to me, "One mum. No, two mums." She put up two fingers.
"Yes, you have two mums. One Eeetiopia mum and one Canada mum. Yes."
"Two mums and two dads," She repeated.
This was the first that she had mentioned her Ethiopian dad, so I was a bit excited to see an opening for a 'talk'. I was so pleased to see that she was remembering our talk from the other day about her Enat, and her desire to bring this up again. I finished with Gadisae and then went back to Mesai's bed.
"What is your Eeetiopian abat's name?"
"I don't know."
"What is your Eeetiopian mum's name?"
"Sintayehu," she replied very promptly.
"Your Eeetiopian abat's name is Adugna." I pronounced the 'g' as a hard sounding g.
She looked at me funny and said, "I don't know." I told it to her again, and then she said, "Aduunya" - the pronunciation is different that I thought it was. She may be remembering that that was her surname before she was adopted. That is Ethiopian custom for the girl to take the dad's first name as her surname. I am not sure that she remembers her dad.
We chatted some more and confirmed that she had Two Mums and Two Dads and Two Countries - what a Lucky Girl!!!
It is so exciting to see progress. I can see that talking about her Enat and Abat are good things, and it is neat to see how quickly she changed her view on what is good and bad. Just by being told it is okay to love and talk about something.
It felt right. A little step at a time, but slowly I have a view into her heart and as her language comes through more, I will be able to chat with her more. I would love to ask her questions such as, what does she remember of different things. But those are big words and hard concepts. Soon.
.
.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY MESAI
Today was Mesai's official 5th birthday. We were not too worried about doing this birthday in 'big' fashion, since we are still in hibernation. I did want to acknowledge her day though, so that she could move on and be five. I didn't want her to suddenly be five and have no knowledge of what she was before this.
Therefore, we made sure she knew she was four. On Saturday morning, I told her that today was her birthday. She would be five today. This time she accepted it with no expression of disbelief. I am not sure she knows what it means because later in the day, when she found a piece of paper that said Happy Birthday, she said, "What this? What Happy? I don't knoooow Happy." It was very cute.
Once I had explained to her that it was her birthday I had her help Cassidy blow up some balloons. We did very little this year in the way of decorating - it really was an impromptu decision to have her birthday. Next year, we will go all out.
Then it was time to get dressed.
Mesai's little cap of curls is growing by the day!! They are almost complete curls now. She loves to point out to me that she has bangs, just like Mummy. She will touch her bit of hair that now escapes the front of her headband, and then touch my bangs and say, "Mummy." Yes, we both are looking more and more alike. *big smile*Gadisae still has her little mohawk; soon it will grow down the sides, but in the meantime, I add the cream to both of them and they love that. It can only help the health of their hair.
In the meantime, we also decided to have my parents come over to officially meet their granddaughters. The girls had been so out of it at the airport, when they arrived that my parents didn't really get to meet them. Then we were in hibernation and then they went away for a while, so all in all, we have been home for five weeks and this was to be there first real meeting. I was pleased to see how they wanted to meet them and hug them.
That might sound natural to you, but I have heard too many people who have had to wait for parents to warm up. My parents have been on board since the beginning, but I think they were a little concerned for what this would mean to us: extra bills (read 8 kids! 1 income), medical concerns, adjustment etc.
I dressed the girls and got them ready and then my parents arrived and it was the meeting. It was so wonderful to see the "Grandad look" on my dad's face. He looked just like he does when he sees his beloved Grandsons. And my Mum looked just as joyful.
First Glimpse - See Grandad's FaceThey were very good about not overwhelming the girls. My dad sat back and let the girls come to him. My mum 'broke the ice' so to speak, by leaning forward and calling the girls by name. The girls warmed up immediately. Gadisae sat with Grandad, but Mesai was not ready to be too social, so she sat with Ray.
What was wonderful to see was that right as my parents were leaving she said she would like to hug them goodbye.
Chuffed With Her New Beautiful New Granddaughters
Meeting Grandad
Meeting Granny
Playing Hand Games With Grandad
You should have seen Mesai open this first gift. She was so careful with the paper. When she accidently ripped a tiny piece on the paper, she whispered, "I am sorry." I think she thought she figured she wasn't supposed to rip the paper.It almost felt frivilous to go on and give her a second gift. Why do we feel the need to give so many gifts? She was very happy with her one gift. Well, as it happened we did not over do it. We only gave three presents to her, plus my parents. But even so, that felt unnecessary, because she was so pleased with her first small gift.
Look at the Delight on Her Face
New Pink Jammies and Slippers
Miss Particular - Blowing Out One Candle at a Time
Next we did the cake. First, I walked into the room with the lights down and Mesai's eyes closed. Everyone sang Happy Birthday. I told her to open her eyes and put the cake in front of her. She smiled so big. When we told her to blow out the candles it was the funniest thing. She very gently blew and out blew one candle. She then looked towards my mother as if to say, "What? More?"
"What Is This?" Her routine question for what she doesn't understand. As each subsequent candle blew out we would all say, Blow again, and she would oblige. At the end, she got an applause. *smile*
Happy Girl
Birthday Girl and Her Family
Oh, "Poor Briton", His shoes were on the ground. They weren't even *his* shoes!! *laugh* He was wearing a beat up old pair of Cooper's shoes, and I did *not* want them in the shot. So the poor guy (sarcasm) just couldn't smile for the picture! Life is over - no shoes.And by the way, what is it with teens?!!! Arggghh!!! I canNOT get them to smile for pictures. You would think I was torturing them or something. Trust me, you will see more pictures of the group and they WILL be smiling - I will have to change my tactics.... *grin*
Friday, September 26, 2008
Testing Boundaries
We have been very fortunate - an inadequate word really - with how well behaved and trainable the girls are. There have been 'moments' of disobedience, when you know they understand but choose to push the limits. These have been mild and few and far between.
Yesterday, was a different type of day. Perhaps a day of beginning to feel more comfortable? All in all, even with pushing the limits, I feel that it was progress.
Gadisae learned the hard way that to Obey is to be Happy, and to Not Obey is to be Sad. There were three incidents, one after the other, where she chose to do the opposite to what she was told. Up to this point, the grace has been extended during these times. I have explained and given a break where our boys would not have been given that grace.
So last night, we had a little talk. After the third direct disobedience Gadisae was in her room talking to me, while Mesai was given the privilege of watching the much covetted and promised movie, after dinner and baths.
I am not sure how much Gadisae gets - it is certainly less than Mesai. But I do know that when I tell things in simple words and short sentences that she does understand. So then I know when she has chosen to *not* listen.
After Mesai was sent to watch TV, after doing as she was asked, I sat down and talked to Gadisae. First, I clarified that she knew where she had gone wrong. I followed this with: Mesai listen. Mesai obey. Mesai watch TV. Mesai happy. Gadisae not listen. Gadisae not obey. Gadisae not watch TV. Gadisae not happy.
She looked at me solemnly, but I could see that she was understanding that to Obey brings reward - good feelings, happy heart etc., while to Not Obey brings - consequences and subsequently a sad heart.
When I asked her, "What do you say?" She replied immediately, "Sorry," to which I replied, "I forgive you," and gave her a big hug and cuddle. I was surprised that she knew what to say when I asked: What do you say? I expected to take that moment to teach her. But I guess we had been over this before and it had sunk in.
My other new thing was a little situation that happened with Mesai. I am not really sure if she was joking, but I tend to think she was testing me. It is quite humourous actually. Not that I could show her I thought so.
The night before, there had been a mild incident at bathtime. I had asked Mesai to get out of the tub, and she had said, "Nooo. Gadisae." I told her that I wanted her, not Gadisae. Out she got, but she had 'that look' on her face. The one that says: I am not happy. I snapped her out of it pretty quickly by bugging her about Miss Pout.
Then the next day, it was after naptime, and I had gotten the girls up. Gadisae can't make her bed well; Mesai does a perfect job of it. I quickly folded Gadisae's bed (and yes, she is being trained to make her bed, but I cut her some slack, to cut myself some slack in the training department). As I left the room, I said to Mesai, "Mesai make your bed," because she was following me without making her bed.
She stopped and sort of smiled and said, "You." At first, I thought she was joking. So I joked back, "Uh, not likely. You make your bed."
Now she tipped her head and said firmly this time, "YOU."
"No, Mesai. You make your bed. Mummy is not going to make your bed."
"You. Gadisae."
Yes, I had made Gadisae's bed.
"You are a big girl. Gadisae is a little girl." The difference in their capabilities is huge.
"No." Shaking her head. "YOU."
This was when I introduced the word "Attitude". I told her that the way she was talking was 'an attitude'. I mimicked her tone and said, "Attitude." I explained she needed to speak nicely and not have an attitude. I only ever use the word attitude for negative, so she wouldn't get confused by my use of the word.
"Mesai, you don't tell Mummy what to do. You need to make your bed. Say: Yes, Mummy."
Often times, by *saying* the obedience first, the actions follow - even if not too happily.
She looked at me for a moment with that deadpan look, which I have learned is her pout, probably weighing up the situation, and I wondered if we were at a stand-off - and what I would do if she refused. This was not a child I had birthed and raised, who knew my expectations.
And then very quietly, "Yes, Mummy." I gave her a hug and thanked her, and she turned and quickly went and made her bed. The situation was quickly forgotten and she joined her brothers and sisters in happy play.
For those concerned: I do help her. I help her alot. I believe that by taking some of her independence away from her is good. She needs to know that I will be there for her. That I can be depended on. That she can be a 'little girl' and not have to take care of her sister. And that someone will take care of her.
This was different - it might have been about 'take care of me' - but I don't tend to think so, as I do so much for her - more than I do for my three and five year olds. I think this was about 'if I say this, what will happen.' I did not want to disappoint her.
Each day, we are learning more about each other. Most days the girls learn very well vicariously through their brothers, but today was a day where I guess they wanted to see just what was acceptable.
And at the end of the day, even minutes after these situations were over, they were happy. They had tested the boundaries. They had felt the love and security that followed, and they knew that they were okay. Each and every time they get talked to, I tell them enwodenshallow (sp) - I love you. Just like my boys - give a consequence or a talk, but follow it with reassurances that they are loved, no matter what they have done.
They also learned four new words today: Consequence, Attitude, Obey, Not Obey (easier to get than Disobey, at this early language stage).
.
.
Yesterday, was a different type of day. Perhaps a day of beginning to feel more comfortable? All in all, even with pushing the limits, I feel that it was progress.
Gadisae learned the hard way that to Obey is to be Happy, and to Not Obey is to be Sad. There were three incidents, one after the other, where she chose to do the opposite to what she was told. Up to this point, the grace has been extended during these times. I have explained and given a break where our boys would not have been given that grace.
So last night, we had a little talk. After the third direct disobedience Gadisae was in her room talking to me, while Mesai was given the privilege of watching the much covetted and promised movie, after dinner and baths.
I am not sure how much Gadisae gets - it is certainly less than Mesai. But I do know that when I tell things in simple words and short sentences that she does understand. So then I know when she has chosen to *not* listen.
After Mesai was sent to watch TV, after doing as she was asked, I sat down and talked to Gadisae. First, I clarified that she knew where she had gone wrong. I followed this with: Mesai listen. Mesai obey. Mesai watch TV. Mesai happy. Gadisae not listen. Gadisae not obey. Gadisae not watch TV. Gadisae not happy.
She looked at me solemnly, but I could see that she was understanding that to Obey brings reward - good feelings, happy heart etc., while to Not Obey brings - consequences and subsequently a sad heart.
When I asked her, "What do you say?" She replied immediately, "Sorry," to which I replied, "I forgive you," and gave her a big hug and cuddle. I was surprised that she knew what to say when I asked: What do you say? I expected to take that moment to teach her. But I guess we had been over this before and it had sunk in.
My other new thing was a little situation that happened with Mesai. I am not really sure if she was joking, but I tend to think she was testing me. It is quite humourous actually. Not that I could show her I thought so.
The night before, there had been a mild incident at bathtime. I had asked Mesai to get out of the tub, and she had said, "Nooo. Gadisae." I told her that I wanted her, not Gadisae. Out she got, but she had 'that look' on her face. The one that says: I am not happy. I snapped her out of it pretty quickly by bugging her about Miss Pout.
Then the next day, it was after naptime, and I had gotten the girls up. Gadisae can't make her bed well; Mesai does a perfect job of it. I quickly folded Gadisae's bed (and yes, she is being trained to make her bed, but I cut her some slack, to cut myself some slack in the training department). As I left the room, I said to Mesai, "Mesai make your bed," because she was following me without making her bed.
She stopped and sort of smiled and said, "You." At first, I thought she was joking. So I joked back, "Uh, not likely. You make your bed."
Now she tipped her head and said firmly this time, "YOU."
"No, Mesai. You make your bed. Mummy is not going to make your bed."
"You. Gadisae."
Yes, I had made Gadisae's bed.
"You are a big girl. Gadisae is a little girl." The difference in their capabilities is huge.
"No." Shaking her head. "YOU."
This was when I introduced the word "Attitude". I told her that the way she was talking was 'an attitude'. I mimicked her tone and said, "Attitude." I explained she needed to speak nicely and not have an attitude. I only ever use the word attitude for negative, so she wouldn't get confused by my use of the word.
"Mesai, you don't tell Mummy what to do. You need to make your bed. Say: Yes, Mummy."
Often times, by *saying* the obedience first, the actions follow - even if not too happily.
She looked at me for a moment with that deadpan look, which I have learned is her pout, probably weighing up the situation, and I wondered if we were at a stand-off - and what I would do if she refused. This was not a child I had birthed and raised, who knew my expectations.
And then very quietly, "Yes, Mummy." I gave her a hug and thanked her, and she turned and quickly went and made her bed. The situation was quickly forgotten and she joined her brothers and sisters in happy play.
For those concerned: I do help her. I help her alot. I believe that by taking some of her independence away from her is good. She needs to know that I will be there for her. That I can be depended on. That she can be a 'little girl' and not have to take care of her sister. And that someone will take care of her.
This was different - it might have been about 'take care of me' - but I don't tend to think so, as I do so much for her - more than I do for my three and five year olds. I think this was about 'if I say this, what will happen.' I did not want to disappoint her.
Each day, we are learning more about each other. Most days the girls learn very well vicariously through their brothers, but today was a day where I guess they wanted to see just what was acceptable.
And at the end of the day, even minutes after these situations were over, they were happy. They had tested the boundaries. They had felt the love and security that followed, and they knew that they were okay. Each and every time they get talked to, I tell them enwodenshallow (sp) - I love you. Just like my boys - give a consequence or a talk, but follow it with reassurances that they are loved, no matter what they have done.
They also learned four new words today: Consequence, Attitude, Obey, Not Obey (easier to get than Disobey, at this early language stage).
.
.
Regarding Boys and Money
Our boys actually learn about mortgages and interest by about age 8. This happens because they want to borrow money or buy something before they have enough money saved, and we teach them about 'thank yous', which are simply interest.
This all began when our oldest was 8 and his daddy worked away from home. He knew it was about bills. He didn't like that his dad had to be away to pay the bills, so this led into a conversation about money and saving your money wisely.
I told him that when you borrow $1 from the bank, you have to give back the $1, plus you have to give another $1 as a 'thank you' for letting you borrow.
They learned really early that you would be nuts to want to pay these thank yous!! And so we have never had an argument regarding their 'House Fund'. It is untouchable - either for future career, or house. If they want a car it gets paid for out of their Spending.
This all begins by about age 11 when they can work more fully for their dad. At that time they put 10% in to Housekeeping (house expenses to help the family), 10% to Tithe (Church and Charity), 30% for Spending, and then 50% for House Fund. Before age 11, they still have to Tithe, but do not have other bills.
In this manner, though we have a large family, they will leave home with at least $15,000 towards their future.
.
.
This all began when our oldest was 8 and his daddy worked away from home. He knew it was about bills. He didn't like that his dad had to be away to pay the bills, so this led into a conversation about money and saving your money wisely.
I told him that when you borrow $1 from the bank, you have to give back the $1, plus you have to give another $1 as a 'thank you' for letting you borrow.
They learned really early that you would be nuts to want to pay these thank yous!! And so we have never had an argument regarding their 'House Fund'. It is untouchable - either for future career, or house. If they want a car it gets paid for out of their Spending.
This all begins by about age 11 when they can work more fully for their dad. At that time they put 10% in to Housekeeping (house expenses to help the family), 10% to Tithe (Church and Charity), 30% for Spending, and then 50% for House Fund. Before age 11, they still have to Tithe, but do not have other bills.
In this manner, though we have a large family, they will leave home with at least $15,000 towards their future.
.
.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Tire Swing
One day our 17 year old son asked his brother if he could borrow his bow and arrow. Our genius son had decided to hang a tire swing. He knew I wanted a good one and that would be what I got!
The next thing I knew he was building some fancy tool in the back yard. This boy doesn't do things by half. He is amazing. He knew he needed to get the rope up about 30' in the air, so he first had to get a thread up, with some wool attached, and then a rope on the end. So he set up his gizmo and shot off his bow and arrow and succeeded into shooting it way up in the tree. Mission accomplished and the very high tire swing was born.
He set up his spinning tool where the thread would unwind and the whole thing would be pulled up. I am sure he could have found a simpler way, but no, he has to engineer things. And I am sure this was really about the fact that he could use the roofing harness and 'climb' a 30' tree!! *smile*
He certainly provided the kids with entertainment! They pulled up their deckchairs, got their snacks and got comfortable watching.
The Afternoons Entertainment
The Finished Product
The next thing I knew he was building some fancy tool in the back yard. This boy doesn't do things by half. He is amazing. He knew he needed to get the rope up about 30' in the air, so he first had to get a thread up, with some wool attached, and then a rope on the end. So he set up his gizmo and shot off his bow and arrow and succeeded into shooting it way up in the tree. Mission accomplished and the very high tire swing was born.
He set up his spinning tool where the thread would unwind and the whole thing would be pulled up. I am sure he could have found a simpler way, but no, he has to engineer things. And I am sure this was really about the fact that he could use the roofing harness and 'climb' a 30' tree!! *smile*
He certainly provided the kids with entertainment! They pulled up their deckchairs, got their snacks and got comfortable watching.
The Afternoons Entertainment
The Finished ProductThe Parasites Go Marching Five by Five...
So the march begins. We finally got cooperation from Mesai and collected the samples we needed. Unfortunately, we had a gap of three days between, so I can't be sure her samples were adequate.
Yesterday, I decided to go see my doctor. I was nervous - I am not a nervous person. But I knew I had to basically nail this doctor down and demand an x-ray of their chests. Politely demand. But make sure I got them nonetheless.
Mesai has been coughing for the last five weeks, and Gadisae has begun coughing lately. They haven't acted like they are fighting a cold, but I wanted to be sure that was all it was. We have heard of a few children coming home with pneumonia and there was also a child that had TB recently. So this was something I didn't want to mess with.
Add to this, my latest renewed knowledge of parasites and I wanted to check out my two little boys. To be quite gross *smile*, for the last 3 years, Cooper has had 'bathroom issues' and Briton has never totally had it 'right' in the bathroom. Cooper has had sporadic tummy aches for the last three years - tummy aches that go away within minutes, but they are still there. We have tried intolerances like wheat or milk, but they didn't make any difference. It has not been a 'big deal' for him, and has come and gone, so we haven't been too concerned. But since we were getting samples for the girls, I decided we might as well check the boys.
You might think it was unnecessary, but here in Canada, our 17 year old son - at age 2! - got Dysentry!! Can you believe that! So I know that parasites are quite possible.
Upon, entering the doctors office with all four kids - who by the way, were so remarkably good that the doctor commented on their behaviour - she told me she had received the girls results back. I'll get into that in a minute.
I took a deep breath and told her all I was hoping to accomplish on that visit. She decided to check the two little boys for Celiac Disease and do a parasite check. Yeah! No convincing her!
Then I explained my concern with the girls and their coughs. She agreed to the chest x-ray. So that was set.
Then she told me that she had received Gadisae's result and they were positive. The first words out of my mouth? "Oh, GOOD!! I was hoping something would show up!"
I am sure she thought I was odd, but I knew that there would very likely be something there, and I did not want to retest and retest, or worse, have to prove to her why I *had* to retest! Then this was followed by her telling me that she didn't even know *most* of the parasites! Note the plural? Yep, she had a whopping five parasites.
The funny thing is, I asked her if one was a tapeworm. I had read up on tapeworms. No, she said. Interesting, I thought. So many people have come away with tapeworms, that I really expected it.
Why funny? Because when I went home later and did my research, I discovered that the fancy word that I was given: Hymenolepsis nana ova really was a dwarf tapeworm! And she wasn't the only one who made a mistake. The pharmacist also looked through the list and said there was no tapeworm. Well, perhaps this tapeworm is more known in Africa!
The other ones were Dientamoeba fragilis and Blastocystis hominis. There were also two harmless ones, besides the first three. The doctor told me that she had gone on the internet to do some research before I came in. So really, she was no further ahead than I was! That nigth, I went to the website for the Centre for Disease Control, in the States and did my research, and that is where I discovered one was a tapeworm!
The doctor decided to treat both girls with the same drug - a 3 day course of 6 tablets. I did pick up the meds and then went home and did my own research before I gave them to them. It all seems 'harmless' enough, even though the paperwork said: high risk. In three weeks they will be retested and given more medication if the problem is still there.
In the meantime, I now get to collect samples from two more little people. Oh joy! Briton was so pleased to see his bag. I am sure, being a boy, that he will think it lots of fun to use the tray!! LOL!!
The girls then went for their x-rays of their chests. While there, the technician was chatting away to the girls as if they spoke excellent English and had had a regular life in Ethiopia. I was trying to field her questions because Mesai kept looking at her and saying, "I don't know." She asked her if she had been to Lalibela, or to see the lions at the Palace. To this, Mesai replied, "Elephants?" LOL!!
I told the lady that they did not live the life of tourists. That's all I said. She should be able to fill in the blanks! I don't know what some people are thinking! And this lady had been to Ethiopia in 2004, so I am surprised she asked these questions.
Yesterday, I decided to go see my doctor. I was nervous - I am not a nervous person. But I knew I had to basically nail this doctor down and demand an x-ray of their chests. Politely demand. But make sure I got them nonetheless.
Mesai has been coughing for the last five weeks, and Gadisae has begun coughing lately. They haven't acted like they are fighting a cold, but I wanted to be sure that was all it was. We have heard of a few children coming home with pneumonia and there was also a child that had TB recently. So this was something I didn't want to mess with.
Add to this, my latest renewed knowledge of parasites and I wanted to check out my two little boys. To be quite gross *smile*, for the last 3 years, Cooper has had 'bathroom issues' and Briton has never totally had it 'right' in the bathroom. Cooper has had sporadic tummy aches for the last three years - tummy aches that go away within minutes, but they are still there. We have tried intolerances like wheat or milk, but they didn't make any difference. It has not been a 'big deal' for him, and has come and gone, so we haven't been too concerned. But since we were getting samples for the girls, I decided we might as well check the boys.
You might think it was unnecessary, but here in Canada, our 17 year old son - at age 2! - got Dysentry!! Can you believe that! So I know that parasites are quite possible.
Upon, entering the doctors office with all four kids - who by the way, were so remarkably good that the doctor commented on their behaviour - she told me she had received the girls results back. I'll get into that in a minute.
I took a deep breath and told her all I was hoping to accomplish on that visit. She decided to check the two little boys for Celiac Disease and do a parasite check. Yeah! No convincing her!
Then I explained my concern with the girls and their coughs. She agreed to the chest x-ray. So that was set.
Then she told me that she had received Gadisae's result and they were positive. The first words out of my mouth? "Oh, GOOD!! I was hoping something would show up!"
I am sure she thought I was odd, but I knew that there would very likely be something there, and I did not want to retest and retest, or worse, have to prove to her why I *had* to retest! Then this was followed by her telling me that she didn't even know *most* of the parasites! Note the plural? Yep, she had a whopping five parasites.
The funny thing is, I asked her if one was a tapeworm. I had read up on tapeworms. No, she said. Interesting, I thought. So many people have come away with tapeworms, that I really expected it.
Why funny? Because when I went home later and did my research, I discovered that the fancy word that I was given: Hymenolepsis nana ova really was a dwarf tapeworm! And she wasn't the only one who made a mistake. The pharmacist also looked through the list and said there was no tapeworm. Well, perhaps this tapeworm is more known in Africa!
The other ones were Dientamoeba fragilis and Blastocystis hominis. There were also two harmless ones, besides the first three. The doctor told me that she had gone on the internet to do some research before I came in. So really, she was no further ahead than I was! That nigth, I went to the website for the Centre for Disease Control, in the States and did my research, and that is where I discovered one was a tapeworm!
The doctor decided to treat both girls with the same drug - a 3 day course of 6 tablets. I did pick up the meds and then went home and did my own research before I gave them to them. It all seems 'harmless' enough, even though the paperwork said: high risk. In three weeks they will be retested and given more medication if the problem is still there.
In the meantime, I now get to collect samples from two more little people. Oh joy! Briton was so pleased to see his bag. I am sure, being a boy, that he will think it lots of fun to use the tray!! LOL!!
The girls then went for their x-rays of their chests. While there, the technician was chatting away to the girls as if they spoke excellent English and had had a regular life in Ethiopia. I was trying to field her questions because Mesai kept looking at her and saying, "I don't know." She asked her if she had been to Lalibela, or to see the lions at the Palace. To this, Mesai replied, "Elephants?" LOL!!
I told the lady that they did not live the life of tourists. That's all I said. She should be able to fill in the blanks! I don't know what some people are thinking! And this lady had been to Ethiopia in 2004, so I am surprised she asked these questions.
Sweet Unsolicited Love
I walk into the bedroom to do the girls' bedtime reading. I notice they are sitting leaning on the wall without the three pillows lining the wall - one for each of us.
"Pillows?" I ask Mesai and Gadisae
Mesai sees that she has not put the pillows in place for our reading and reaches to do so. She hands Gadisae a pink pillow and puts the white one behind herself. She then takes the flowered one - her favourite, that she chooses to sleep with every night, and uses at each daytime reading - and puts it in my place.
"Mum, flowers," she smiles at me.
"Oh, you are so kind. Flowers." I recognize her generous act.
As I sit down in my regular spot against the specially gifted flowered pillow, Mesai leans against me and says, "Mum, I love you."
"Pillows?" I ask Mesai and Gadisae
Mesai sees that she has not put the pillows in place for our reading and reaches to do so. She hands Gadisae a pink pillow and puts the white one behind herself. She then takes the flowered one - her favourite, that she chooses to sleep with every night, and uses at each daytime reading - and puts it in my place.
"Mum, flowers," she smiles at me.
"Oh, you are so kind. Flowers." I recognize her generous act.
As I sit down in my regular spot against the specially gifted flowered pillow, Mesai leans against me and says, "Mum, I love you."
Holy Socks...
Due to a polite comment:
For those that are concerned about my "Senior" having holy socks *grin*, I will have you know that my boys that are over the age of 13 buy their own clothes. When a teen begins buying their own clothes they are much more thoughtful with how they spend their money!
If you think those are holy socks, then you ain't seen nothin'! I will try to find a sock that that particular boy held onto for dear life. It had holes in all areas of the sole. I am surprised that he could actually keep it on his foot!
My boys are like any kids. They think money grows on trees. Not that they say this - it is how they act. So by them taking ownership for their own clothing by age thirteen, they learn to not covet fancy things. One boy has to be forced to spend $100 + a year to buy new clothes. He finds spending money on clothes a waste of money. He would rather live in shorts and t-shirts, and bare feet. I would rather he not look like a slob at church, so I force him to buy a couple pairs of pants and some shirts. Now, this year, he is hoping to get clothes for Christmas! And I shall not disappoint him!
This causes them to thing twice before they wear a nice shirt to the jobsite, or run around in the backyard in their socks. It's not my bill. *smile* And they are learning responsibility and money management through it all.
For those that are concerned about my "Senior" having holy socks *grin*, I will have you know that my boys that are over the age of 13 buy their own clothes. When a teen begins buying their own clothes they are much more thoughtful with how they spend their money!
If you think those are holy socks, then you ain't seen nothin'! I will try to find a sock that that particular boy held onto for dear life. It had holes in all areas of the sole. I am surprised that he could actually keep it on his foot!
My boys are like any kids. They think money grows on trees. Not that they say this - it is how they act. So by them taking ownership for their own clothing by age thirteen, they learn to not covet fancy things. One boy has to be forced to spend $100 + a year to buy new clothes. He finds spending money on clothes a waste of money. He would rather live in shorts and t-shirts, and bare feet. I would rather he not look like a slob at church, so I force him to buy a couple pairs of pants and some shirts. Now, this year, he is hoping to get clothes for Christmas! And I shall not disappoint him!
This causes them to thing twice before they wear a nice shirt to the jobsite, or run around in the backyard in their socks. It's not my bill. *smile* And they are learning responsibility and money management through it all.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Beginning of Conversations
I am loving how each day I get a little more from Mesai. The other day I had my first 'conversation' with her. I even tried to explain to her that we had had one. *grin* She was in the bath and Gadisae was finished and it was a quiet, focussed moment, so I thought I would try some direct questions.
I said, "Mesai, was ----- your friend?" And she said, "No." I was surprised. I only asked this because my friend's boy was talking about the individual children in the transition house. So I picked one whose name I knew. So then I said, "Who were your friends?" And to this she immediately replied, "Fikru, Yaros," and then two names that I couldn't remember due to spelling. I asked her another question and then received a scrunched up nose and, "I don't know."
Aha! She said a *phrase*!!
Our first conversation.
Then tonight, she was in the bathtub *again* LOL! And I showed her my fingers and counted off tonight, Thursday, and Friday, and then showed Saturday. I told her that on the fourth finger it was her birthday. "You will be five years old. It is your birthday."
She looked at me in the amazingly cute way of hers: she scrunches up her nose, looks at me like I have three heads, shook her head and said, "Nooooo."
"So how old are you going to be?" I figure she might enlighten me as to her 'real age' (as I have heard rumours that she used to speak of a certain age).
In her typical straightman humour she replied, "Zero." Oh! So she did understand and she wants to be funny. HAHA! I LOVE it!
"So, Gadisae will be four, and you will be zero. She will be older than you! HAHA!! You are FUNNY!" I love poking at her. She is such fun to josh with.
"No, ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY!" Ha ha! So she will be 120 years old on Saturday. Funny girl! So then I gave her a hard time about having to bring her cane to the birthday.
Each moment, of each day, these last few days, I am seeing her bursting out of her shell. As we were laughing about her being a little old lady, she climbed out of the tub. And instead of her usual fashion: out onto the towel - instead, she climbed out of the tub, up onto my legs, where I was sitting on a stool in front of the tub. She then stood there, naked as a jay bird laughing and dancing on my legs holding onto my hands! Crazy girl!
Finally I got her down and wrapped her in a towel. I turned around to wash Gadisae and then next thing I hear is, "I am BIG!"
I turn my head and there she is standing on the bathroom counter!!! FREAK OUT!! LOL! I could just see her taking a header, having no idea how risky that was!
Oh, but I am loving her free spirit that is emerging. She is a happy girl!
I said, "Mesai, was ----- your friend?" And she said, "No." I was surprised. I only asked this because my friend's boy was talking about the individual children in the transition house. So I picked one whose name I knew. So then I said, "Who were your friends?" And to this she immediately replied, "Fikru, Yaros," and then two names that I couldn't remember due to spelling. I asked her another question and then received a scrunched up nose and, "I don't know."
Aha! She said a *phrase*!!
Our first conversation.
Then tonight, she was in the bathtub *again* LOL! And I showed her my fingers and counted off tonight, Thursday, and Friday, and then showed Saturday. I told her that on the fourth finger it was her birthday. "You will be five years old. It is your birthday."
She looked at me in the amazingly cute way of hers: she scrunches up her nose, looks at me like I have three heads, shook her head and said, "Nooooo."
"So how old are you going to be?" I figure she might enlighten me as to her 'real age' (as I have heard rumours that she used to speak of a certain age).
In her typical straightman humour she replied, "Zero." Oh! So she did understand and she wants to be funny. HAHA! I LOVE it!
"So, Gadisae will be four, and you will be zero. She will be older than you! HAHA!! You are FUNNY!" I love poking at her. She is such fun to josh with.
"No, ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY!" Ha ha! So she will be 120 years old on Saturday. Funny girl! So then I gave her a hard time about having to bring her cane to the birthday.
Each moment, of each day, these last few days, I am seeing her bursting out of her shell. As we were laughing about her being a little old lady, she climbed out of the tub. And instead of her usual fashion: out onto the towel - instead, she climbed out of the tub, up onto my legs, where I was sitting on a stool in front of the tub. She then stood there, naked as a jay bird laughing and dancing on my legs holding onto my hands! Crazy girl!
Finally I got her down and wrapped her in a towel. I turned around to wash Gadisae and then next thing I hear is, "I am BIG!"
I turn my head and there she is standing on the bathroom counter!!! FREAK OUT!! LOL! I could just see her taking a header, having no idea how risky that was!
Oh, but I am loving her free spirit that is emerging. She is a happy girl!
Now THIS is Enough Fruit
Enough for *maybe* a week?
Seeing these pictures that I did not take, it looks like my kids got the same idea! Mum went shopping this time.... *smile* Don't even ASK the cost of the grocery bill!
Dentist Visit and Ages
Today was a big day for our girls. It was the day of THE DENTIST.
Previous to this the girls had learned the terms: Family, Friend, and Stranger. Today, they had to learn there was another catagory: Doctor/Dentist. I will get into the previous catagories on another post about Attachment. Hopefully, I will be able to do that this morning.
The little boys are happily playing dressup, the girls are watching Magic Schoolbus, Cassidy is building his dinosaur world and listening to The Odyssey - history, and Dane is off doing a two km run, plus, Colt is at work. All is quiet on the home front - for now. I would have posted last night, but for my dear friend, Corrie, calling me and chatting with me into the wee hours. She brought her little boy home a week after we did. It is wonderful because he can speak 90% English so he is able to enlighten us with a lot of information about the Transition Home, and our girls. Our girls will be another topic for another time.
Last night, I sat the girls down and chatted with them about today the dentist visit. When I had taken them to the doctor, it was ten days after we had gotten home and I simply told them we would see the doctor. But now, we have had talks about different kinds of people and I had seen Gadisae's reactions to different people (again, another post).
As I reminded them of Family, Friends, Strangers - Mesai immediately mimed the different body languages of each: Hug for Family; Hand for Friend; miming pushing away for Stranger.
So then I said, Not Friend, Family, or Stranger - Doctor is: and I had just 'stood there', showing them there was no body contact, and no pushing away. Mesai immediately mimed the different actions. She picks things up very quickly. Her language may be quite low, but she is smart.
So then I asked her to tell Gadisae in Amharic what I was saying. This she did. It is great to have a 50% translator. 50% of the time she can't take my words and translate them, but it helps that I get some done!
The girls got on their pretty clothes and I did their hair. Now you may say they have no hair. Oh, but yes they do. Tiny, weeny little curls, and if I take good care of them they look beautiful. Every time they have a bath, I just pour water over their heads. I only wash their hair about once a week. As little black girls they do not produce the oil that we do, and so I can dry out their hair by overwashing it.
When I have wet their hair, I then add a wonderful hair cream - Blended Cutie - Butter Me Up. It is the same cream I used to rub into their hands and it removed Mesai's terribly dry skin in a matter of days. This cream adds shine and conditioner to their hair. It brings out the tiny little curls. In the last month, since we have had them, their hair has grown a fair bit. When we got them they were almost bald. Mesai now has a wonderful head of bumpy curls.
I used to tell them a little song and rub their heads: Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he? They would giggle. Now I say: Fuzzy Wuzzy was a girl, Fuzzy Wuzzy has some curls!
I am always telling them how beautiful their hair is. So long. So curly. So beautiful. And they beam when I tell them this.
The funny thing is people always wonder what a little black child's hair feels like. But it is not polite to touch. *smile* But I can touch. *grin* All the time, I am rubbing their heads. Cuddling them and fondling their curls, massaging their heads. And they love it. If I am doing this to Mesai, Gadisae will come up and ask me to do her head. It is double purpose: I get to feel the growth and dream about doing hair, and we have a skin to skin bonding moment. *smile*
Rubbing in the Cream
As I am rubbing in their cream, I am always saying, "So beautiful, konjo." What I am seeing is that this hair time, as little as there is, has become a special time. By the time they actually have hair they will associate hair fixing time as mummy and daughter loving time. I think for people who are reading and have tiny ones and are concerned about how to keep them still, this is the way to go. Just begin with rubbing their heads, as you rub the creams in. Say sweet words and they will hear the tone and learn to respond with warmth towards this hands-on head and hair time. Our girls love it.
As an English person, I have to work to being hands on. It is not my way. That is why having their hair growing helps me: I can't stop massaging them when they walk by. *grin* It is causing me to become a much more touchy/feely person.
Putting in Hair Pretties
Me and My Girl
All Dressed Up and Pretty For Town
Our girls are so appreciative of anything they are given. They don't act deprived and they don't act crazy when I give new things. They simply smile big and say, "So beeeeeutiful."
We headed to the dentist and I prepped the girls again on how to behave. As I went in they very quietly went and sat on the waiting room chairs. I filled in forms and they saw the toys in the corner.
Mesai came over to me and said, "Beautiful," about the toys. I asked her if she wanted to play. She did. She was simply asking permission in her little way. The girls played for a few minutes before we were called in.
The dental office is one I have gone to for the last 10 years. I was impressed with how respectful everyone was. I saw heads pop out of cubicles and rooms as we passed, and little comments like: how sweet, how cute, oh look!
But noone 'got in our face'. I hadn't even prepped them, as I should have done. As we got to the room the dental assistant asked who was first. Mesai shook her head, though she was cool with going. Gadisae grinned and nodded. Miss Bravery would go first. She hopped up in the chair and giggled in delight as the chair went: 'up'.
Mesai laughed and decided it looked like fun. Perhaps she would go sooner? "Gadisae finished? Mesai?" *laugh* No, not yet.
Gadisae loved it all. When the assistant showed her the tools she kept her hand out until she sprayed her with the water hose. Both girls had a big laugh when the vacuum 'burped' while inserted in their mouths, extracting the liquids.
Neither of them had cavities - Praise God!! We have no extended medical and so the bills would be our own. Mesai does have a real buildup of tartar in her mouth, but a lot of it has been removed over the last month of us brushing. They both have brown marks on the inside of their teeth. This is not decay and is not a problem. But since they came home, they have had a lot of blood while brushing. This has lessened to the point of nearly gone, but in the beginning it was enough to make me gag when I was brushing their teeth. This was due to the fact that they did not brush their teeth before they came here.
I will give a disclaimer to the following information: this is based on one visit and the teeth do *not* give a definite age. That said: The dentist figures that Mesai is just turned six. He thinks Gadisae is between four and five. Okay, so as he is saying all this I am telling him that I think he could be correct with Mesai. It lines up with what we see developmentally.
But I do not totally agree with Gadisae. He seemed determined that they would have new birthdates: "So now it is just a matter of choosing a birth date." Huh? Says who? "You can have your 4 1/2 birthday." What? Why?
I have spent a month with Gadisae. I have raised six kids. She is a girl. Girls are known to be more advanced than boys. I do not see her as much further than Briton developmentally. I do not believe that she is as much as 4 1/2. I would tend to lean firmly toward at most, 4 1/4. Not a big difference, you might say. Well, it is, when the dentist is determined she is 4-5.
Leaving the dentist office, I went shopping. As I passed the birthday supplies in the baking aisle, I paused to stop and think: Do I do a birthday for Mesai or not? If I do, how old is she turning? We have held on this one because we are not sure what to do.
She acts like she is turning 6, but there are so many reasons to allow her to 'be' five.
For instance, when I presented her with the puzzle, she began as if she was a three year old. When she had had time to learn, she advanced to moving through it like a five year old. When I asked her about colours and shapes, she had no clue. When I did a number test: she could understand 'what come before' meant, but 'minus', 'subtract', 'addition', all had no meaning to her. But upon the next question with 'minus', she understood, so she absorbs new concepts quite quickly.
Doing Math Evaluations
What I get from that is: I have a child who has the developmental skills of a 3-4 year old, but the capacity to learn quickly and bring herself up to a 5 year old level. But is it fair to her to 'call her six' because she quite likely is six (due to having just finished growing in her six year molars), when she has never had a chance to 'be' 3, 4, 5 like a typical child?
She is coming from a country where she had a lot of responsibility - life was not easy and it was not the life of a child. She did not learn imaginative play. She has not painted, played with playdough, dressed up like a giraffe, or done many of the things preschoolers do.
By 'making her six', even though on paper she is legally turning five this week, we then will end up putting higher expectations on her. Suddenly, she will be a Grade 1 student, expected to read words - not simply be at the age of learning her alphabet, colours, shapes, up, down, behind, and other basic concepts.
Does it harm her to be the 'best' in her age bracket when she eventually catches up? No, it would be to her advantage. But for the time being, she is a little girl who has missed out on so much of childhood, while having experiences that no child should have to go through. A child who deserves to be little for one extra year.
Having thought all this through we have decided to leave her FIVE. She will have her fifth birthday on Saturday and, if people say, "She doesn't look five." We will simply say, Yes, she is five. We do not need to explain to people her story. It doesn't really matter.
And that seems to make life so much simpler for everyone. If we were dealing with 2 or more years, it would be a different story. But after much, much, much contemplating, researching, reading, and talking, this is a decision we are comfortable with.
And as an aside, when we were in Ethiopia, we saw a cute little girl in Cloud 9. She was getting on the elevator with her Ethiopian parents. As a curiosity, I asked the mum how old she was. She was just about to turn five. She was exactly Mesai's height. So Mesai is not even extra tall. She just has a wisened face and a sharp mind. But then, as the oldest child, she has had more to 'think about' than her little sister.
Previous to this the girls had learned the terms: Family, Friend, and Stranger. Today, they had to learn there was another catagory: Doctor/Dentist. I will get into the previous catagories on another post about Attachment. Hopefully, I will be able to do that this morning.
The little boys are happily playing dressup, the girls are watching Magic Schoolbus, Cassidy is building his dinosaur world and listening to The Odyssey - history, and Dane is off doing a two km run, plus, Colt is at work. All is quiet on the home front - for now. I would have posted last night, but for my dear friend, Corrie, calling me and chatting with me into the wee hours. She brought her little boy home a week after we did. It is wonderful because he can speak 90% English so he is able to enlighten us with a lot of information about the Transition Home, and our girls. Our girls will be another topic for another time.
Last night, I sat the girls down and chatted with them about today the dentist visit. When I had taken them to the doctor, it was ten days after we had gotten home and I simply told them we would see the doctor. But now, we have had talks about different kinds of people and I had seen Gadisae's reactions to different people (again, another post).
As I reminded them of Family, Friends, Strangers - Mesai immediately mimed the different body languages of each: Hug for Family; Hand for Friend; miming pushing away for Stranger.
So then I said, Not Friend, Family, or Stranger - Doctor is: and I had just 'stood there', showing them there was no body contact, and no pushing away. Mesai immediately mimed the different actions. She picks things up very quickly. Her language may be quite low, but she is smart.
So then I asked her to tell Gadisae in Amharic what I was saying. This she did. It is great to have a 50% translator. 50% of the time she can't take my words and translate them, but it helps that I get some done!
The girls got on their pretty clothes and I did their hair. Now you may say they have no hair. Oh, but yes they do. Tiny, weeny little curls, and if I take good care of them they look beautiful. Every time they have a bath, I just pour water over their heads. I only wash their hair about once a week. As little black girls they do not produce the oil that we do, and so I can dry out their hair by overwashing it.
When I have wet their hair, I then add a wonderful hair cream - Blended Cutie - Butter Me Up. It is the same cream I used to rub into their hands and it removed Mesai's terribly dry skin in a matter of days. This cream adds shine and conditioner to their hair. It brings out the tiny little curls. In the last month, since we have had them, their hair has grown a fair bit. When we got them they were almost bald. Mesai now has a wonderful head of bumpy curls.
I used to tell them a little song and rub their heads: Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he? They would giggle. Now I say: Fuzzy Wuzzy was a girl, Fuzzy Wuzzy has some curls!
I am always telling them how beautiful their hair is. So long. So curly. So beautiful. And they beam when I tell them this.
The funny thing is people always wonder what a little black child's hair feels like. But it is not polite to touch. *smile* But I can touch. *grin* All the time, I am rubbing their heads. Cuddling them and fondling their curls, massaging their heads. And they love it. If I am doing this to Mesai, Gadisae will come up and ask me to do her head. It is double purpose: I get to feel the growth and dream about doing hair, and we have a skin to skin bonding moment. *smile*
Rubbing in the Cream
As I am rubbing in their cream, I am always saying, "So beautiful, konjo." What I am seeing is that this hair time, as little as there is, has become a special time. By the time they actually have hair they will associate hair fixing time as mummy and daughter loving time. I think for people who are reading and have tiny ones and are concerned about how to keep them still, this is the way to go. Just begin with rubbing their heads, as you rub the creams in. Say sweet words and they will hear the tone and learn to respond with warmth towards this hands-on head and hair time. Our girls love it.
As an English person, I have to work to being hands on. It is not my way. That is why having their hair growing helps me: I can't stop massaging them when they walk by. *grin* It is causing me to become a much more touchy/feely person.
Putting in Hair Pretties
Me and My Girl
All Dressed Up and Pretty For TownOur girls are so appreciative of anything they are given. They don't act deprived and they don't act crazy when I give new things. They simply smile big and say, "So beeeeeutiful."
We headed to the dentist and I prepped the girls again on how to behave. As I went in they very quietly went and sat on the waiting room chairs. I filled in forms and they saw the toys in the corner.
Mesai came over to me and said, "Beautiful," about the toys. I asked her if she wanted to play. She did. She was simply asking permission in her little way. The girls played for a few minutes before we were called in.
The dental office is one I have gone to for the last 10 years. I was impressed with how respectful everyone was. I saw heads pop out of cubicles and rooms as we passed, and little comments like: how sweet, how cute, oh look!
But noone 'got in our face'. I hadn't even prepped them, as I should have done. As we got to the room the dental assistant asked who was first. Mesai shook her head, though she was cool with going. Gadisae grinned and nodded. Miss Bravery would go first. She hopped up in the chair and giggled in delight as the chair went: 'up'.
Mesai laughed and decided it looked like fun. Perhaps she would go sooner? "Gadisae finished? Mesai?" *laugh* No, not yet.
Gadisae loved it all. When the assistant showed her the tools she kept her hand out until she sprayed her with the water hose. Both girls had a big laugh when the vacuum 'burped' while inserted in their mouths, extracting the liquids.
Neither of them had cavities - Praise God!! We have no extended medical and so the bills would be our own. Mesai does have a real buildup of tartar in her mouth, but a lot of it has been removed over the last month of us brushing. They both have brown marks on the inside of their teeth. This is not decay and is not a problem. But since they came home, they have had a lot of blood while brushing. This has lessened to the point of nearly gone, but in the beginning it was enough to make me gag when I was brushing their teeth. This was due to the fact that they did not brush their teeth before they came here.
I will give a disclaimer to the following information: this is based on one visit and the teeth do *not* give a definite age. That said: The dentist figures that Mesai is just turned six. He thinks Gadisae is between four and five. Okay, so as he is saying all this I am telling him that I think he could be correct with Mesai. It lines up with what we see developmentally.
But I do not totally agree with Gadisae. He seemed determined that they would have new birthdates: "So now it is just a matter of choosing a birth date." Huh? Says who? "You can have your 4 1/2 birthday." What? Why?
I have spent a month with Gadisae. I have raised six kids. She is a girl. Girls are known to be more advanced than boys. I do not see her as much further than Briton developmentally. I do not believe that she is as much as 4 1/2. I would tend to lean firmly toward at most, 4 1/4. Not a big difference, you might say. Well, it is, when the dentist is determined she is 4-5.
Leaving the dentist office, I went shopping. As I passed the birthday supplies in the baking aisle, I paused to stop and think: Do I do a birthday for Mesai or not? If I do, how old is she turning? We have held on this one because we are not sure what to do.
She acts like she is turning 6, but there are so many reasons to allow her to 'be' five.
For instance, when I presented her with the puzzle, she began as if she was a three year old. When she had had time to learn, she advanced to moving through it like a five year old. When I asked her about colours and shapes, she had no clue. When I did a number test: she could understand 'what come before' meant, but 'minus', 'subtract', 'addition', all had no meaning to her. But upon the next question with 'minus', she understood, so she absorbs new concepts quite quickly.
Doing Math EvaluationsWhat I get from that is: I have a child who has the developmental skills of a 3-4 year old, but the capacity to learn quickly and bring herself up to a 5 year old level. But is it fair to her to 'call her six' because she quite likely is six (due to having just finished growing in her six year molars), when she has never had a chance to 'be' 3, 4, 5 like a typical child?
She is coming from a country where she had a lot of responsibility - life was not easy and it was not the life of a child. She did not learn imaginative play. She has not painted, played with playdough, dressed up like a giraffe, or done many of the things preschoolers do.
By 'making her six', even though on paper she is legally turning five this week, we then will end up putting higher expectations on her. Suddenly, she will be a Grade 1 student, expected to read words - not simply be at the age of learning her alphabet, colours, shapes, up, down, behind, and other basic concepts.
Does it harm her to be the 'best' in her age bracket when she eventually catches up? No, it would be to her advantage. But for the time being, she is a little girl who has missed out on so much of childhood, while having experiences that no child should have to go through. A child who deserves to be little for one extra year.
Having thought all this through we have decided to leave her FIVE. She will have her fifth birthday on Saturday and, if people say, "She doesn't look five." We will simply say, Yes, she is five. We do not need to explain to people her story. It doesn't really matter.
And that seems to make life so much simpler for everyone. If we were dealing with 2 or more years, it would be a different story. But after much, much, much contemplating, researching, reading, and talking, this is a decision we are comfortable with.
And as an aside, when we were in Ethiopia, we saw a cute little girl in Cloud 9. She was getting on the elevator with her Ethiopian parents. As a curiosity, I asked the mum how old she was. She was just about to turn five. She was exactly Mesai's height. So Mesai is not even extra tall. She just has a wisened face and a sharp mind. But then, as the oldest child, she has had more to 'think about' than her little sister.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
So I'm Curious...
Who is the reader from England?! I thought all the requests were from Canada or the US. Since you obviously emailed me for a request, please let me know which one was the British one? *smile*
Thanks!!
Justine
Thanks!!
Justine
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Antics of Briton and His Sisters
The children are eating constantly. They eat three meals a day, plus they eat at least 3-4 pieces of fruit each, and multiple buns, plus whatever snacks I might be offering.
The girls learned within the first little while to not throw away food. When you have a large family they learn to not be wasteful. They are served dinner and they can come back for seconds. But when they ask for fruit or a bun for a daytime snack, then they are expected to finish it and not take a bite and then throw it away.
Today, the children were all given cheese buns for a snack. Cooper, the child who has a hollow leg, came and told me that the girls had thrown away their buns. I went outside and found four nice cheesy buns, minus the tasty top, in the outside garbage can.
Four meant that some boys did the dastardly deed also. *smile* So I rounded up the troops and explained again to the girls that we don't throw away food. (They can bring it in and wrap it for later if they don't want to finish it.) My boys certainly knew better. So there would be no more snacks before dinner. I am pretty sure they understood. They both showed they agreed and went off to play.
Well, about an hour later, while I was preparing dinner, I looked out the window and what did I see? Three little people sitting up on the driveway curb, right up the end of the driveway. They looked so cute together, and so I had to take a picture. When I got there I found them sharing a chunk of a bun.
Upon going back in the house, the older boys, who did not know that there were to be no more snacks between the bun throwing away incident at 3:30, and dinner, told me that Briton had come into the house and helped himself to one of the very same cheese buns that they hadn't wanted to finish earlier.
It was so funny to watch Briton break off a chunk of 'stolen' bread *grin* and then had it to each of his sisters, asthey gleefully took the scrap!! Little rug rats!
So, suddenly, this not so tasty bun is very tasty. Forbidden fruits! *smile*
The girls learned within the first little while to not throw away food. When you have a large family they learn to not be wasteful. They are served dinner and they can come back for seconds. But when they ask for fruit or a bun for a daytime snack, then they are expected to finish it and not take a bite and then throw it away.
Today, the children were all given cheese buns for a snack. Cooper, the child who has a hollow leg, came and told me that the girls had thrown away their buns. I went outside and found four nice cheesy buns, minus the tasty top, in the outside garbage can.
Four meant that some boys did the dastardly deed also. *smile* So I rounded up the troops and explained again to the girls that we don't throw away food. (They can bring it in and wrap it for later if they don't want to finish it.) My boys certainly knew better. So there would be no more snacks before dinner. I am pretty sure they understood. They both showed they agreed and went off to play.
Well, about an hour later, while I was preparing dinner, I looked out the window and what did I see? Three little people sitting up on the driveway curb, right up the end of the driveway. They looked so cute together, and so I had to take a picture. When I got there I found them sharing a chunk of a bun.
Upon going back in the house, the older boys, who did not know that there were to be no more snacks between the bun throwing away incident at 3:30, and dinner, told me that Briton had come into the house and helped himself to one of the very same cheese buns that they hadn't wanted to finish earlier.It was so funny to watch Briton break off a chunk of 'stolen' bread *grin* and then had it to each of his sisters, asthey gleefully took the scrap!! Little rug rats!
So, suddenly, this not so tasty bun is very tasty. Forbidden fruits! *smile*
A New Meaning of Family
So what do our children think about their sisters?
To quote our 15 year old when he was talking to some friends, "They are awesome."
To quote a note I found written by our 9 year old, "Mesai, you now (know) we love you."
We have been incredibly fortunate in how our girls have just become part of our family. When I hear other people's stories I realize how unusual our situation is. We have had *nothing* - no upsets, no attitude, no rivalry, nothing. The little 'testing the boundaries' has been so simple to deal with. Simply a matter of: No, don't do that.
The girls are amazing. In the last three weeks we have gone from having little strangers in our home to beginning to get into routines, to where tonight I can actually say I feel real love for these girls. I will tell you about that in a bit. But first - some pictures.
Daddy Is Cutting Down Trees
Playing Beavers
I began a bit of a routine for the girls at naptime. I do NOT do routines, so this is a stretch for me! *smile* I put the boys to bed quite quickly, as I never linger over naptime. I then go in the girls’ room and we sit on one of the beds, and I read these little board books to them. They have 17 books and they each choose three books for me to read. The books are nursery rhymes. I made a point of doing this so that they feel special. Anything that I do for them that they can see is not part of the ‘crowd control’ makes me feel that they feel that they have been pulled aside and it is special time. Also, anything I can do that I know would not have happened in the orphanages.
I came into the room yesterday and this is what I found. The girls had the pillows all set up and had their books all ready to go.
When I read to the girls I sit in the middle. What is nice to see is that when I pulled Gadisae under one arm, Mesai immediately snuggles in on the other side. She has been a little more slow about being 'warm', so those gestures from her are very rewarding.
I am now reading "Dick and Jane". They really enjoy the easy readers as the stories are simple, and there are lots of pictures.
Look at Gadisae! She is so cute. Ray came home with all these pizzas and I told him he deserved a picture. He had finally learned how to shop. Usually, he brings home 10 - 15 bananas and by the next day we need more.
So I kept saying, Buy 30! That will last 2 days. The kids will eat 2 each, minimum, times by 8 kids = 16 per day.
Well, he just kept not quite getting it. He would bring me a bag of apples.
Okay, well that'll hold me for a two days. How about buying 3 or 4 bags of apples? That might last the week.
So the day came when Ray walked in with ten boxed pizzas! I said, You finally got it! I need a picture.
Then he told me they were on sale half price.
On sale??? And you ONLY bought 10?!!! I would have bought 30 or 40!! LOL!! Seriously!!!
But Gadisae is so cute, cause she is trying really hard to lift her bag of bananas to be in the picture with Ray.
One day I decided to make a point of sending the kids outside and I had Mesai help me make waffles. It was fun with her. She did a great job mixing it all, and then I had her be the Waffle Watcher. I like to joke around, so I said to in a very animated way, When the green light goes on, you say: MAM!!! MAM!!!! MAM!!!
I did this in a very animated way, while madly waving my arms in the air. She thought this was so funny. So when the light went on, she said, "Mum."
I looked at her and gave her a - I don't think so, kind of face, and said: You say, MAM!!! MAM!! and waved my arm wildly in the air.
She has a delightful little laugh and she burst out giggling and said, "MAM!! MAM!!"
Here she is saying, MAM!! MAM!!
Voila! My Waffles
This doesn't come naturally to her. When the waffles were ready I put out my hand and said, "Done!" and had her copy me. I was making fun out of an ordinary situation. I have noticed that I am the tougher parent, but at the same time I make a real point of being silly with them (not that Ray doesn't also). I know without a doubt that this is helping the girls, but especially Mesai, who is older, to connect. We have really begun having natural fun, since this waffle event took place. She just needed to be shown that being silly was part of family.
In the morning, the kids have a little routine. This is the bed that the girls have slept in for the last three weeks. They wake up and then turn on the tv and watch PBS for about an hour. That is all the TV they get in our house. Once in a while, (as in three times in three weeks), they will get an evening movie.
The girls discovered the dryer vent and decided to 'cook'? 'warm'? their bananas there. Briton is willing to do anything!
Five Little Peas in a Pod
It is truly wonderful to look outside and see five little kids all playing together. And then sometimes the big boys, or even just one or two of them will join them. But always now, there is a crowd of children playing in my yard. And I love that I don't have to go looking for playmates for my children.
It is easy to get 'lazy' and not make phone calls to other parents to make playdates for our children, but I really have no need. It is a treat for our older boys to make their connections and I do pursue that for them, but for our younger ones I don't do it because it is just one more thing for me to do: drive. And I would much rather their brothers and sisters were their best friends. I have always had this philosophy. Friends come and go (and move), but family is forever.
Big brother getting the girls' coats on during one of our early morning cold spells.
Our children all have colours: I know who left out their towel, cup, plate, cutlery - it works like a charm. You try dishing up dinner and remembering which plate goes where. The kids set the table where the children sit - the best diplomatic relation - and they put the right coloured plate where the child sits. Then I come behind and know who I am serving, because of the coloured plate that is there. Then the children come behind me and know where to sit for the same reason. It makes life easier. When the girls joined us we added purple and pink to our colours.
After dinner tonight, Ray and I had a rare moment where we sat on the couches to chat for a few minutes. The kids were gone from the table and supposed to be upstairs in various areas of the house. Usually, as soon as dinner is over: one is doing dishes, one is doing the table clearing, one is doing bathrooms, two are doing entry room clear-ups, two are getting ready for bed (girls), and one is being Dennis the Menace and wandering aimlessly through the house - too young to work without help, and not ready for bed yet. (Not my fault. That child has always had a body that can't take more than 10 hours of sleep at night - which means up at 6:30, bed at 8:30).
So, as Ray and I are sitting on the couch, Mesai (often the reserved one) comes running over to me and launches herself at me. She lands on the couch and sprawls across me. "Me Mum," she pronounces to Gadisae, who then approaches and tries to do the same thing. "Me Mum," she repeats, "You Dad."
Gadisae decides to make a game of it (very typical) and says, "Me Mum," and tries to get on me too. Ray, sitting on the other couch, fakes crying. Mesai takes note of this and tries to get Gadisae to go to 'sad Dad'. Gadisae recognizing some fun, jumps off the couch and runs uncompassionately past Ray, down the hall, giggling all the way.
Mesai decided to mimic Gadisae and took off running, and then Ray took off running after them.
This game continued for a while and I could feel the difference in the girls. Gadisae has always been a cuddler, and that does NOT signify attachment. So she is hard to read. But Mesai has learned to relax and want attention. And it was wonderful to see her initiate a cuddling game and specifically tell her sister that Mum was for her (at that particular moment).
Later, Ray and I were going to talk to the girls about sleeping in their own room. Ray was getting them ready for bed, and he called me to ask if I had talked to them yet. I had not. So I went upstairs and sat on the bed by Ray. I asked the girls to sit down. They came over and sat on their bed. Right away, I realized this was an opportunity for a bit of fun.
I crossed my legs and got comfortable. I didn't say anything. Ray took the cue and crossed his legs and didn't say anything. The girls just looked at us. They looked at us for about 15 seconds. Then Mesai glanced away for a second, but continued to say nothing. Gadisae kept on looking at us. I was curious to see what they would do. I had asked them to sit, but I had not then given any orders or told them what I wanted.
How would they handle it? Their English is so limited. What would they do?
Finally, Gadisae simply said, "Mum?"
We didn't reply and about two seconds later we bust out laughing. It was a gut rolling moment. Mesai, our Little Missy, was sitting very solemnly looking at us. Cross-eyed. Not a word. Just simply the witty little thing that she is.
Well, then Gadisae, babyish as she is, wanted to get in on the act. So, she shut her eyes, leaned back and began to laugh in the silliest way. Soon we were all doubled over laughing.
Gadisae was mostly laughing at herself. She knew she was funny!
So Funny!
It was so funny to see this prim and proper little girl (Mesai) do something so unexpected!
I am sure one of the most powerful bonding moments is when you make someone laugh. And these girls did that tonight. What started out as a joke on them, quickly turned to a joke on us. But more importantly it showed us a little bit more of Mesai's character. She is a goldmine.
When we were leaving our room tonight to take them to their own room, Mesai gave me a big hug. As I hugged her back, I felt overwhelmed with true love for this child. I can honestly say that real love happens, and you will not know when it is going to overtake you. But when it does - watch out!
To quote our 15 year old when he was talking to some friends, "They are awesome."
To quote a note I found written by our 9 year old, "Mesai, you now (know) we love you."
We have been incredibly fortunate in how our girls have just become part of our family. When I hear other people's stories I realize how unusual our situation is. We have had *nothing* - no upsets, no attitude, no rivalry, nothing. The little 'testing the boundaries' has been so simple to deal with. Simply a matter of: No, don't do that.
The girls are amazing. In the last three weeks we have gone from having little strangers in our home to beginning to get into routines, to where tonight I can actually say I feel real love for these girls. I will tell you about that in a bit. But first - some pictures.
Daddy Is Cutting Down Trees
Playing BeaversI began a bit of a routine for the girls at naptime. I do NOT do routines, so this is a stretch for me! *smile* I put the boys to bed quite quickly, as I never linger over naptime. I then go in the girls’ room and we sit on one of the beds, and I read these little board books to them. They have 17 books and they each choose three books for me to read. The books are nursery rhymes. I made a point of doing this so that they feel special. Anything that I do for them that they can see is not part of the ‘crowd control’ makes me feel that they feel that they have been pulled aside and it is special time. Also, anything I can do that I know would not have happened in the orphanages.
So, through doing this, each day they learn more of the rhymes. Mesai can say one completely, plus parts of others. She is very proud of her abilities. It is so cool to see. Something else I notice is that after the initial reading of all the stories, the girls both began choosing the same set of three books each day. I am sure they are trying to memorize certain ones.
One day, when I entered the room they were sitting on the bed, backs against the wall, like we usually do, and they only had two books in each of their hands. I didn’t think anything of it. I sat down and went to put a pillow behind Gadisae’s back, as we normally have. There I found a stack of four books! Mesai had the same thing. It was so funny. As I read their first two books, they would pretend they had no more books to read, and then I would have to sneak out one of their hidden ones.
It was neat to see them make a joke on me. I love those moments. Those are the times when I see them melding (if there is such a word) more and more into my heart. Little natural, spontaneous moments.
I came into the room yesterday and this is what I found. The girls had the pillows all set up and had their books all ready to go.
When I read to the girls I sit in the middle. What is nice to see is that when I pulled Gadisae under one arm, Mesai immediately snuggles in on the other side. She has been a little more slow about being 'warm', so those gestures from her are very rewarding.I am now reading "Dick and Jane". They really enjoy the easy readers as the stories are simple, and there are lots of pictures.
Look at Gadisae! She is so cute. Ray came home with all these pizzas and I told him he deserved a picture. He had finally learned how to shop. Usually, he brings home 10 - 15 bananas and by the next day we need more.So I kept saying, Buy 30! That will last 2 days. The kids will eat 2 each, minimum, times by 8 kids = 16 per day.
Well, he just kept not quite getting it. He would bring me a bag of apples.
Okay, well that'll hold me for a two days. How about buying 3 or 4 bags of apples? That might last the week.
So the day came when Ray walked in with ten boxed pizzas! I said, You finally got it! I need a picture.
Then he told me they were on sale half price.
On sale??? And you ONLY bought 10?!!! I would have bought 30 or 40!! LOL!! Seriously!!!
But Gadisae is so cute, cause she is trying really hard to lift her bag of bananas to be in the picture with Ray.
One day I decided to make a point of sending the kids outside and I had Mesai help me make waffles. It was fun with her. She did a great job mixing it all, and then I had her be the Waffle Watcher. I like to joke around, so I said to in a very animated way, When the green light goes on, you say: MAM!!! MAM!!!! MAM!!!I did this in a very animated way, while madly waving my arms in the air. She thought this was so funny. So when the light went on, she said, "Mum."
I looked at her and gave her a - I don't think so, kind of face, and said: You say, MAM!!! MAM!! and waved my arm wildly in the air.
She has a delightful little laugh and she burst out giggling and said, "MAM!! MAM!!"
Here she is saying, MAM!! MAM!!
Voila! My Waffles
In the morning, the kids have a little routine. This is the bed that the girls have slept in for the last three weeks. They wake up and then turn on the tv and watch PBS for about an hour. That is all the TV they get in our house. Once in a while, (as in three times in three weeks), they will get an evening movie.
The girls discovered the dryer vent and decided to 'cook'? 'warm'? their bananas there. Briton is willing to do anything!
Five Little Peas in a Pod
It is truly wonderful to look outside and see five little kids all playing together. And then sometimes the big boys, or even just one or two of them will join them. But always now, there is a crowd of children playing in my yard. And I love that I don't have to go looking for playmates for my children.It is easy to get 'lazy' and not make phone calls to other parents to make playdates for our children, but I really have no need. It is a treat for our older boys to make their connections and I do pursue that for them, but for our younger ones I don't do it because it is just one more thing for me to do: drive. And I would much rather their brothers and sisters were their best friends. I have always had this philosophy. Friends come and go (and move), but family is forever.
Big brother getting the girls' coats on during one of our early morning cold spells.
Our children all have colours: I know who left out their towel, cup, plate, cutlery - it works like a charm. You try dishing up dinner and remembering which plate goes where. The kids set the table where the children sit - the best diplomatic relation - and they put the right coloured plate where the child sits. Then I come behind and know who I am serving, because of the coloured plate that is there. Then the children come behind me and know where to sit for the same reason. It makes life easier. When the girls joined us we added purple and pink to our colours.After dinner tonight, Ray and I had a rare moment where we sat on the couches to chat for a few minutes. The kids were gone from the table and supposed to be upstairs in various areas of the house. Usually, as soon as dinner is over: one is doing dishes, one is doing the table clearing, one is doing bathrooms, two are doing entry room clear-ups, two are getting ready for bed (girls), and one is being Dennis the Menace and wandering aimlessly through the house - too young to work without help, and not ready for bed yet. (Not my fault. That child has always had a body that can't take more than 10 hours of sleep at night - which means up at 6:30, bed at 8:30).
So, as Ray and I are sitting on the couch, Mesai (often the reserved one) comes running over to me and launches herself at me. She lands on the couch and sprawls across me. "Me Mum," she pronounces to Gadisae, who then approaches and tries to do the same thing. "Me Mum," she repeats, "You Dad."
Gadisae decides to make a game of it (very typical) and says, "Me Mum," and tries to get on me too. Ray, sitting on the other couch, fakes crying. Mesai takes note of this and tries to get Gadisae to go to 'sad Dad'. Gadisae recognizing some fun, jumps off the couch and runs uncompassionately past Ray, down the hall, giggling all the way.
Mesai decided to mimic Gadisae and took off running, and then Ray took off running after them.
This game continued for a while and I could feel the difference in the girls. Gadisae has always been a cuddler, and that does NOT signify attachment. So she is hard to read. But Mesai has learned to relax and want attention. And it was wonderful to see her initiate a cuddling game and specifically tell her sister that Mum was for her (at that particular moment).
Later, Ray and I were going to talk to the girls about sleeping in their own room. Ray was getting them ready for bed, and he called me to ask if I had talked to them yet. I had not. So I went upstairs and sat on the bed by Ray. I asked the girls to sit down. They came over and sat on their bed. Right away, I realized this was an opportunity for a bit of fun.
I crossed my legs and got comfortable. I didn't say anything. Ray took the cue and crossed his legs and didn't say anything. The girls just looked at us. They looked at us for about 15 seconds. Then Mesai glanced away for a second, but continued to say nothing. Gadisae kept on looking at us. I was curious to see what they would do. I had asked them to sit, but I had not then given any orders or told them what I wanted.
How would they handle it? Their English is so limited. What would they do?
Finally, Gadisae simply said, "Mum?"
We didn't reply and about two seconds later we bust out laughing. It was a gut rolling moment. Mesai, our Little Missy, was sitting very solemnly looking at us. Cross-eyed. Not a word. Just simply the witty little thing that she is.
Well, then Gadisae, babyish as she is, wanted to get in on the act. So, she shut her eyes, leaned back and began to laugh in the silliest way. Soon we were all doubled over laughing.
Gadisae was mostly laughing at herself. She knew she was funny!
So Funny!It was so funny to see this prim and proper little girl (Mesai) do something so unexpected!
I am sure one of the most powerful bonding moments is when you make someone laugh. And these girls did that tonight. What started out as a joke on them, quickly turned to a joke on us. But more importantly it showed us a little bit more of Mesai's character. She is a goldmine.
When we were leaving our room tonight to take them to their own room, Mesai gave me a big hug. As I hugged her back, I felt overwhelmed with true love for this child. I can honestly say that real love happens, and you will not know when it is going to overtake you. But when it does - watch out!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
