I have gone back and forth on posting this conversation for a while. You know, when you are read by people of all different opinions and not just friends who know you, you can be a little cautious of posting your thoughts for fear of reprisal. Well, I decided to go ahead because I have always been upfront and candid and I am not about to stop now. I have two things to blog about. They will be in separate posts. The first is names and here we go.
When we brought the girls home, if you remember, we went back and forth on their names: did we give them names, did we use their birth names, or did we use both, or what?!
When you get out in the adoption world and listen to other people speak on this topic, you will hear a lot of variation, but one thing you will notice is that most people are very strong in their beliefs in why they choose what they do.
I can no longer say that I am strong about my opinion/belief on this topic. I actually never was! LOL!! We finally settled that we would keep the girls' birth names as their first names as a gift to their mother. But then sometime after Mesai came home from Ethiopia (weeks) she was told in full her new name: Mesai Raine Ayana and she liked it. She loved it. She loved the Ayana part and when she would say her name she was always sure to put the Ayana on it because she loved that it meant "Beautiful Flower".
She told me she wanted to be called Raine and I heard her, but did nothing about it. We were going anywhere and there was no immediate hurry and perhaps she would change her mind. So we continued to call her Mesai. But then we went to Sunday School and she informed me that she wanted to tell the kids her name was Raine. So we did.
When the children asked what her sister's name was, I was in a position. Did I say Gadisae or Song Savannah? So I told them that the girls had two names: their Canadian names and their Ethiopian names. Typical of children they just accepted this and went about their business.
Time went by, and we kept pretty much to our family at home and church, so the girls didn't have a lot of chance to try out their new names. So we continued calling them Gadisae and Mesai. But every so often, Mesai would say, "I want to call Raine."
Finally, we made a decision to begin attending a new church (part time). They have a fabulous children's program(s) and teen ministry and since we have so many kids we felt it would be best for the children. Well, the first day we went Mesai made sure she was Raine, but our *children* are used to calling her Mesai, so they kept stumbling over the names.
That was the turning point for us. We had to get serious about listening to Mesai and begin using Raine with a real effort. The girls like Savannah and Raine, and so we are using both, but we are focussing on the Canadian names. Raine likes the little word picture I give her of the "Raine" falling on the "Savannah" and beautiful flowers and food grows for the Ethiopians. It is symbolic for me and 'nice' for her. But honestly, I am following her lead.
She will always be Mesai and Gadisae will always be Gadisae, but they will be known now as Raine and Savannah. And when they are older they will be familiar with both names and *they* can make the choice of which name they want to use.
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Showing posts with label Gadisae. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gadisae. Show all posts
Friday, February 6, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Attachment Trophy
Since we have brought the girls home I was not certain if we were thoroughly attached. I probably am still not certain, but I am pretty sure. We have all the right signs for attachment, but still, I have heard that it can be illusive - the non-attachment signs.
It was confusing because our girls showed the signs of attachment from the very beginning: eye contact, open to our affection, doing as we asked, looking to us for help, etc. But at the same time, it seemed odd that they would be so well attached from the beginning.
There was, of course, one area that we needed to see improve, and that was indiscriminate affection. Gadisae would openly offer hugs to anyone. Mesai did not do this ever. I was pretty sure alot of this came from the orphanage where they were hugged by everyone that came to visit, but still as first time adoptive parents it was a little disconcerting.
It didn't take long for the message to get across that hugs were *only* for family. And there were a few quick saves as Gadisae threw herself at someone. There was one funny one where we were in the house and a person came to the door and I thought we were past this stage, and I said, "Oh look, it's Rusty," and Gadisae leapt past me and threw her arms out to embrace this woman.
I tell you, I must have instant reflexes, because before her arms made contact, my arm shot out and grabbed the back of her shirt and she was suspended between us for a moment, before she flung out her hand and said, "Hand! Friends! Hugs Family!"
It was so funny! Well, that was probably one of the last of her hugs for anyone. Now, they are at a point of attachment that they can give hugs at church to dear old ladies who love them and they know it is okay.
Gadisae definitely has a wariness now about strangers and Mesai has always had that. So that is good. But the other day I received the coveted Attachment Trophy via Gadisae. We were visiting a new church that day and I told the kids we would be going. At breakfast she looked up at me and said, "Mummy, me scared. Me no go downstairs (that was where she figured the Sunday School was)."
I felt I had just been handed a trophy! This was the first chance I had had to see that she needed ME and that she felt that I could keep her secure. Of course, I assured her that she and Briton could sit with me in Church and the big kids could go. What a great day that was.
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It was confusing because our girls showed the signs of attachment from the very beginning: eye contact, open to our affection, doing as we asked, looking to us for help, etc. But at the same time, it seemed odd that they would be so well attached from the beginning.
There was, of course, one area that we needed to see improve, and that was indiscriminate affection. Gadisae would openly offer hugs to anyone. Mesai did not do this ever. I was pretty sure alot of this came from the orphanage where they were hugged by everyone that came to visit, but still as first time adoptive parents it was a little disconcerting.
It didn't take long for the message to get across that hugs were *only* for family. And there were a few quick saves as Gadisae threw herself at someone. There was one funny one where we were in the house and a person came to the door and I thought we were past this stage, and I said, "Oh look, it's Rusty," and Gadisae leapt past me and threw her arms out to embrace this woman.
I tell you, I must have instant reflexes, because before her arms made contact, my arm shot out and grabbed the back of her shirt and she was suspended between us for a moment, before she flung out her hand and said, "Hand! Friends! Hugs Family!"
It was so funny! Well, that was probably one of the last of her hugs for anyone. Now, they are at a point of attachment that they can give hugs at church to dear old ladies who love them and they know it is okay.
Gadisae definitely has a wariness now about strangers and Mesai has always had that. So that is good. But the other day I received the coveted Attachment Trophy via Gadisae. We were visiting a new church that day and I told the kids we would be going. At breakfast she looked up at me and said, "Mummy, me scared. Me no go downstairs (that was where she figured the Sunday School was)."
I felt I had just been handed a trophy! This was the first chance I had had to see that she needed ME and that she felt that I could keep her secure. Of course, I assured her that she and Briton could sit with me in Church and the big kids could go. What a great day that was.
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Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Finally Beads
When God chose our girls for our family He knew my heart to spend time doing hair. It might not seem like a big deal to some people. But for people who know what it is to be a not so touchy-feely person, doing hair is a great way to have hands-on and show a child your love. Doing the creative hair styles takes hours and is a very personal time with a child. I love the fact that the girls know it is something I enjoy doing for them, and it is something I do for them alone.
One night I had intended to try and do Mesai's hair in beads and I had forgotten until it was too late. It was 30 minutes to bedtime. Typical of her personality, Mesai did not complain. I sent her to bed and fully intended on waking up early to do her hair before church. The following morning something happened that never happens: Mesai went to the bathroom at 6:30 am and caused me to wake-up. If I had not heard her I would not have woken as I have no alarm! When I went into the bathroom, Mesai was wide awake and this is unusual because she sleeps in the morning until we wake her up. Sleepy girls!
God is good. He knew my heart and that I felt bad not doing her hair and I really didn't want to let her down.
I immediately asked her if she wanted her hair done and it was a beaming Yes! I washed her hair, conditioned it, creamed it and combed it out. We then headed downstairs and parked ourselves by the kitchen heater. It was still dark outside and noone arose for the next two hours! It was a wonderful, quiet morning of just Mesai and I.
She would sit and hold the beads and fill the beader for me while I was putting in the previous set.
I actually found it easier to do her hair, while she had no distractions of TV. I was able to turn her to me without worrying about cutting in on her movie etc. And to be honest, if she really wants to have her hair beautiful it is a sacrifice. As I jokingly taught her to say: Vanity has a price. *grin* She is eager to sit for two hours because she is so happy to see her gorgeous hairdos when they are done.
When Gadisae woke up it was her big day. This was the day she finally had enough hair to do tiny baby bunches. Her hair is so baby fine. She took all of 15 minutes to do her hair and as proud as a peacock when it was done.
Happy Little Girl
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One night I had intended to try and do Mesai's hair in beads and I had forgotten until it was too late. It was 30 minutes to bedtime. Typical of her personality, Mesai did not complain. I sent her to bed and fully intended on waking up early to do her hair before church. The following morning something happened that never happens: Mesai went to the bathroom at 6:30 am and caused me to wake-up. If I had not heard her I would not have woken as I have no alarm! When I went into the bathroom, Mesai was wide awake and this is unusual because she sleeps in the morning until we wake her up. Sleepy girls!
God is good. He knew my heart and that I felt bad not doing her hair and I really didn't want to let her down.
I immediately asked her if she wanted her hair done and it was a beaming Yes! I washed her hair, conditioned it, creamed it and combed it out. We then headed downstairs and parked ourselves by the kitchen heater. It was still dark outside and noone arose for the next two hours! It was a wonderful, quiet morning of just Mesai and I.
She would sit and hold the beads and fill the beader for me while I was putting in the previous set.
I actually found it easier to do her hair, while she had no distractions of TV. I was able to turn her to me without worrying about cutting in on her movie etc. And to be honest, if she really wants to have her hair beautiful it is a sacrifice. As I jokingly taught her to say: Vanity has a price. *grin* She is eager to sit for two hours because she is so happy to see her gorgeous hairdos when they are done.When Gadisae woke up it was her big day. This was the day she finally had enough hair to do tiny baby bunches. Her hair is so baby fine. She took all of 15 minutes to do her hair and as proud as a peacock when it was done.
Happy Little Girl
Ready For Church
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Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Big Brother
Adoption is not just a journey for parents, it is a journey for all the children. While the little ones embrace a new sibling with open arms, the older boys have taken their time. They have gone through stages.
When we were in Ethiopia, it was the 'honeymoon' stage. Dane was enamoured with these long-awaited, adorable little girls. But once we were home, I noticed that over the next couple months Dane seemed a bit distant. Sure, he helped with the kids and took care of their needs, but it wasn't what I was hoping for. I remember asking him about 6 weeks ago if he was fond of the girls yet. There is a difference between 'liking', 'loving', and 'being fond'. Liking is easy. Loving is somewhat obligatory. Being fond is a softening of the heart where the two hearts begin to mesh and become one.
His response at that time was, "I don't think so." I was saddened to hear this, but fully understood. There was a lot more involved than a baby being born into the family. His whole world was turned upside down by bringing two new people into the family. I could see that. For the little ones having two new siblings simply meant better play! More playmates! The girls have been respectful of the boys, not taking their toys, demanding our time - they have really not been in the little one's faces. To them they have simply been a blessing. A teen sees so much more of what is going on.
I have been very happy to see a difference in the last month. I really see his heart melting. There is a look of adoration on his face as he looks at Gadisae doing her silly antics. A moment ago, I asked Dane if he was fond of the girls yet. He looked surprised and said, Oh, yes!
A New Towel or Is It a Cape?
New Winter Headband and Cape Girl
To confirm what I thought I was seeing, I then asked him if I gave him a scale of 1-10 and 10 was where his love of his brothers was, where would he place the girls.
According to him, "In Ethiopia it was about a 5, and then it went down to a 3, and since then it has been rising steadily. It is now an 8."
Evidence of his 'fondness'. This first one is a lousy picture - blurry - but I wanted you to see it. I looked outside and saw Dane hiking up the sledding hill with Gadisae in his arms lying on the sled. It was no easy hike!
I know that as more time passes, Dane's 8 will rise to a 10. It is obvious when I watch him with the girls.
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When we were in Ethiopia, it was the 'honeymoon' stage. Dane was enamoured with these long-awaited, adorable little girls. But once we were home, I noticed that over the next couple months Dane seemed a bit distant. Sure, he helped with the kids and took care of their needs, but it wasn't what I was hoping for. I remember asking him about 6 weeks ago if he was fond of the girls yet. There is a difference between 'liking', 'loving', and 'being fond'. Liking is easy. Loving is somewhat obligatory. Being fond is a softening of the heart where the two hearts begin to mesh and become one.
His response at that time was, "I don't think so." I was saddened to hear this, but fully understood. There was a lot more involved than a baby being born into the family. His whole world was turned upside down by bringing two new people into the family. I could see that. For the little ones having two new siblings simply meant better play! More playmates! The girls have been respectful of the boys, not taking their toys, demanding our time - they have really not been in the little one's faces. To them they have simply been a blessing. A teen sees so much more of what is going on.
I have been very happy to see a difference in the last month. I really see his heart melting. There is a look of adoration on his face as he looks at Gadisae doing her silly antics. A moment ago, I asked Dane if he was fond of the girls yet. He looked surprised and said, Oh, yes!
A New Towel or Is It a Cape?
New Winter Headband and Cape GirlTo confirm what I thought I was seeing, I then asked him if I gave him a scale of 1-10 and 10 was where his love of his brothers was, where would he place the girls.
According to him, "In Ethiopia it was about a 5, and then it went down to a 3, and since then it has been rising steadily. It is now an 8."
Evidence of his 'fondness'. This first one is a lousy picture - blurry - but I wanted you to see it. I looked outside and saw Dane hiking up the sledding hill with Gadisae in his arms lying on the sled. It was no easy hike!
I know that as more time passes, Dane's 8 will rise to a 10. It is obvious when I watch him with the girls..
Queen of Lunch
Gadisae has an infuriating habit of dawdling over food. She will take 1 hour to eat a sandwich, apple, cookie. This if fine when I lay out enough time, but not when it is a late lunch near naptime, or we are going out. As I said before, she knows the word, "Hustle" quite well.
One night, she took about 30 minutes to eat about 3 tablespoons of food that was on her plate - *after* everyone else had eaten and was 30 minutes gone. I am not used to kids being like this. And she needs her food, so tossing it is not an option, and I am not into rewarding dawdling by throwing it away either. I know how much they will eat and they always ask for more. And sometimes after she has dawdled so much she will ask for more! So it is not lack of hunger. It is just that she eats like a turtle. Agghh!! And anyone that knows me knows I am like the hare! Speedy. *smile*
So the other day something happened. It worked out rather well and I did not even plan it. Gadisae happened to wander downstairs while I was making lunch. So I had her sit down and begin. The others were busy upstairs and I wasn't really ready for a tribe of kids yet, so I didn't call them. About 20 minutes later, another child arrived and so I had him call the rest. They all joined Gadisae in eating.
Before long, Gadisae was done. Hallelujah!!! So I pointed out to her that she was the FIRST ONE DONE!!! YEAH!!! She smiled and smiled and smiled. I told her that because she was done she had time to play before bed. Happy girl!! Usually they eat and then right to bed at 1:00 pm. No, not this time. 20 minutes to play.
The other kids, led by Austin, gave her a rousing round of applause.
Waving at the Ones Still Eating
(Ignore my messy kitchen, I was making Christmas baking)
I then snuck off and created her a crown. You should have seen her pleasure and pride!
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One night, she took about 30 minutes to eat about 3 tablespoons of food that was on her plate - *after* everyone else had eaten and was 30 minutes gone. I am not used to kids being like this. And she needs her food, so tossing it is not an option, and I am not into rewarding dawdling by throwing it away either. I know how much they will eat and they always ask for more. And sometimes after she has dawdled so much she will ask for more! So it is not lack of hunger. It is just that she eats like a turtle. Agghh!! And anyone that knows me knows I am like the hare! Speedy. *smile*
So the other day something happened. It worked out rather well and I did not even plan it. Gadisae happened to wander downstairs while I was making lunch. So I had her sit down and begin. The others were busy upstairs and I wasn't really ready for a tribe of kids yet, so I didn't call them. About 20 minutes later, another child arrived and so I had him call the rest. They all joined Gadisae in eating.
Before long, Gadisae was done. Hallelujah!!! So I pointed out to her that she was the FIRST ONE DONE!!! YEAH!!! She smiled and smiled and smiled. I told her that because she was done she had time to play before bed. Happy girl!! Usually they eat and then right to bed at 1:00 pm. No, not this time. 20 minutes to play.
The other kids, led by Austin, gave her a rousing round of applause.
Waving at the Ones Still Eating (Ignore my messy kitchen, I was making Christmas baking)
I then snuck off and created her a crown. You should have seen her pleasure and pride!
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Monday, December 22, 2008
I Am A Big Sister
Gadisae is the absolutely worst person for eating a meal in any reasonable time frame. It drives me nuts. I am used to boys. They inhale food. Gadisae doesn't. But she is improving. She knows that I am not one to keep the kitchen open for hours on end. She is used to the word 'hustle'. *smile*
Well, Briton is a close second. It isn't that he is slow. He just doesn't need much food. He is small and doesn't seem to need to eat. Tonight, we were having cake after dinner. The kids were getting their dinners all done, so they could have their cake. Briton was not even touching his dinner. I was not intending to give him any cake if he did not eat. He knew this.
He looked at Gadisae and said, "Didi, hep me. Heady." (Didi, help me. This is hard to eat.")
Gadisae got the cutest grin and her dimples came out and she looked at me and said, "Mumma, me help Biton, please?"
Of course, I couldn't resist letting her be the big sister, even though he is WAY too old to be fed. Ridiculously too old. But what the hey!
She took his spoon and immediately began to feed him. He ate quickly and she was so proud of herself. Gadisae said, "Me help Biton. I am big sister."
A little later, "Almost done, Biton."
Within minutes he was done and they both had their icecream cake. I love seeing their relationship growing. Mind you, they have been sister and brother since day one. It was no different than bringing a new baby home from the hospital. They just 'are'.
Note: What may have helped Briton to connect so well with the girls, and to get over his tears, is we actually moved him into our room about a month ago. He has the mattress that was originally intended for the girls. He sleeps there and has a chance to snuggle in bed with me in the morning before we start the day. This is not something I have ever needed to do with any other child. And I must say, I am enjoying the tender cuddles, especially since he is my last baby.
Well, Briton is a close second. It isn't that he is slow. He just doesn't need much food. He is small and doesn't seem to need to eat. Tonight, we were having cake after dinner. The kids were getting their dinners all done, so they could have their cake. Briton was not even touching his dinner. I was not intending to give him any cake if he did not eat. He knew this.
He looked at Gadisae and said, "Didi, hep me. Heady." (Didi, help me. This is hard to eat.")
Gadisae got the cutest grin and her dimples came out and she looked at me and said, "Mumma, me help Biton, please?"
Of course, I couldn't resist letting her be the big sister, even though he is WAY too old to be fed. Ridiculously too old. But what the hey!
She took his spoon and immediately began to feed him. He ate quickly and she was so proud of herself. Gadisae said, "Me help Biton. I am big sister."
A little later, "Almost done, Biton."
Within minutes he was done and they both had their icecream cake. I love seeing their relationship growing. Mind you, they have been sister and brother since day one. It was no different than bringing a new baby home from the hospital. They just 'are'.
Note: What may have helped Briton to connect so well with the girls, and to get over his tears, is we actually moved him into our room about a month ago. He has the mattress that was originally intended for the girls. He sleeps there and has a chance to snuggle in bed with me in the morning before we start the day. This is not something I have ever needed to do with any other child. And I must say, I am enjoying the tender cuddles, especially since he is my last baby.
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Monday, December 15, 2008
Santa Claus Parade and Handling Busyness
Our girls have not been overwhelmed with the season. I believe this is because everything has been new since they have been here and we have handled it in a slow manner. For the first two months, we barely left the property. They got to know who family was and in no time, Gadisae was not at risk of hugging a stranger.
From then on, we moved into an occasional shopping trip, or a trip to Walmart. But as a mother of eight children I do not prefer to shop. I tend to go to town with the children I *need* to take and the rest stay home. I am not looking for work, especially with all these carseats and winter coats!
So the girls have only gone out sporadically. To them, their family is their world. They go to church, they go to the grocery store - but probably only about 4 times since they have been here, they go to Briton's speech appointment, but only so I can weigh them on the way out. Their life is very plain. It is full of brothers and play and fun and family.
This last week, I was out 6 nights out of 7. I should have been out the 7th out of 8, but I said no and cancelled. I am usually home nights. This was very unusual. Suddenly I have a life again! We are no longer in the boonies, and we have big boys to babysit.
We saw something come out in the girls that I think might have been related to the crazy nights. Ray was putting them to bed most of the nights I was out, but there were two nights where he was out too, and one night where we went to a Christmas party with all the kids.
I noticed we began getting erratic behaviour from one little Miss. This little one was always very well behaved, and for 6 days we had 'bad choices' instead of 'good choices' being made. It seemed we were being tested. Perhaps. Or perhaps it was simply some of the feelings from within coming up and cleaning themselves out.
But one night, the night before my last evening that I was *supposed* to go out, this little Miss, when asked why she was upset at bedtime said, "Out. You always going out."
I think her little world was suddenly rocked a little. I gave her hugs and told her that yes, I was out that night, but I was home with her every day and Daddy and I were always there when she woke up in the morning.
As I told my husband, our girls are extremely lucky they don't have to go to daycare like many, many adopted children. For our family we are blessed to be able to have them home with me.
So how did I get way off topic like this!! LOL!!! I was going to mention the Santa Claus parade! Well, here are the pictures.
Big Brother Cadet Was Giving Out Candy.
As Santa went by the girls looked. Simply looked. But when the man dressed up as a dog walked by - oh, the excitement from Didi! It was so cute! DOG! Woosha!
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From then on, we moved into an occasional shopping trip, or a trip to Walmart. But as a mother of eight children I do not prefer to shop. I tend to go to town with the children I *need* to take and the rest stay home. I am not looking for work, especially with all these carseats and winter coats!
So the girls have only gone out sporadically. To them, their family is their world. They go to church, they go to the grocery store - but probably only about 4 times since they have been here, they go to Briton's speech appointment, but only so I can weigh them on the way out. Their life is very plain. It is full of brothers and play and fun and family.
This last week, I was out 6 nights out of 7. I should have been out the 7th out of 8, but I said no and cancelled. I am usually home nights. This was very unusual. Suddenly I have a life again! We are no longer in the boonies, and we have big boys to babysit.
We saw something come out in the girls that I think might have been related to the crazy nights. Ray was putting them to bed most of the nights I was out, but there were two nights where he was out too, and one night where we went to a Christmas party with all the kids.
I noticed we began getting erratic behaviour from one little Miss. This little one was always very well behaved, and for 6 days we had 'bad choices' instead of 'good choices' being made. It seemed we were being tested. Perhaps. Or perhaps it was simply some of the feelings from within coming up and cleaning themselves out.
But one night, the night before my last evening that I was *supposed* to go out, this little Miss, when asked why she was upset at bedtime said, "Out. You always going out."
I think her little world was suddenly rocked a little. I gave her hugs and told her that yes, I was out that night, but I was home with her every day and Daddy and I were always there when she woke up in the morning.
As I told my husband, our girls are extremely lucky they don't have to go to daycare like many, many adopted children. For our family we are blessed to be able to have them home with me.
So how did I get way off topic like this!! LOL!!! I was going to mention the Santa Claus parade! Well, here are the pictures.
Big Brother Cadet Was Giving Out Candy.
As Santa went by the girls looked. Simply looked. But when the man dressed up as a dog walked by - oh, the excitement from Didi! It was so cute! DOG! Woosha!.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Doing Hair
Mesai's hair is finally long enough to do tiny little bunches in. She loves it when I do it. I will sit her in front of a movie and it takes about 1 hour to do it right now. It is not quite long enough to do beads in yet.
One day I came into Mesai's bedroom to tuck her in and found a tiny little doll with the teeniest little braids in. This caused us to start talking. I was very impressed that she had such fine motor skills. The braids were about 1/8 inch in size. I asked her if she had braided her Enat's hair. She said she had. She then proceeded to get behind me and begin to braid my hair. I love moments like that. The best conversations we have are when I am tucking the girls into bed. Life slows down and we chat. I ask questions and they share very willingly.
One day I came into Mesai's bedroom to tuck her in and found a tiny little doll with the teeniest little braids in. This caused us to start talking. I was very impressed that she had such fine motor skills. The braids were about 1/8 inch in size. I asked her if she had braided her Enat's hair. She said she had. She then proceeded to get behind me and begin to braid my hair. I love moments like that. The best conversations we have are when I am tucking the girls into bed. Life slows down and we chat. I ask questions and they share very willingly.
Another day, Mesai came and sat behind me at the computer where I was watching a beading video. She then took her elastic bands and put all kinds of little pony tails all over my head. *smile* Now, the good mummy that I am, I wore them most of the day. *grin*
Here you can see Mesai has little barrettes in her hair, while she is doing my hair. I have to tell you, taking those elastics out of my hair was not fun! They are made for short little hair and so I had to cut some of them and lost hair in the process! *smile*
I have bought all kinds of beads and clips and I can't wait til their hair gets longer. When I have discovered that if I put them in the bath and shampoo their hair with the elastics in, they just slide right out. No pain.
Gadisae's hair is growing very slowly. The other night at dinner, she said, "Me hair no grow." I told her that if she ate her vegetables with a happy heart that her hair would grow. She immediately became silly and started smiling while eating the dreaded food. She is not a vegetable person. Actually, she is painfully slow at all her food - tasty or otherwise. I am not used to that. I have boys that inhale their food!
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Thursday, December 11, 2008
A Few Questions Answered
I have been getting questions, so I thought I would take the time to answer them here.
What Do We Do For School?
Stephanie, our younger children are using Spectrum this year. I like the thoroughness of the worksheets, the attractiveness of the layout, and the complexity of it all. The little ones are just using Phonics, but our Grade 4 student is using the Spectrum: writing, vocabulary, reading, and spelling. Both groups are using the ACSI Math program and I really like this, also. I am not doing much more than this this year. The kids are spending as much time as possible outside, and also doing things like puzzles, baking, crafts, fencing, chess, swimming. Ask me again next year!
The Grade 6 boy is using Sonlight Eastern Hemisphere. He is an avid book reader and is enjoying the reading. He has read at least 25 books since he began the program in mid October. He is learning about the human body through the science program in Sonlight, plus doing Language Arts, Bible memorization, classical music, and word processing through the Sonlight plan. I love the independence he has gained through this program.
But all that said - the little two students - both in Kindergarten - are on hold for this year. I have decided to wait. They are both at the very same stage. They are struggling with their letter names and sounds. One is a boy and I have found that all my boys learn later. But I have to say - Later is not bad.
Each of my boys enjoys reading. Some more than others. My last one to take off in reading - my 12 year old - didn't take off until he was 9.5 years. But since one week ago today, he has read one 350 page book, and is half way through another of the same size.
He has done this while keeping up with his schoolwork, and all his school reading, making dinner for me twice this week, and holding down the fort in the breakfast making department and helping in general in the house.
I am not too worried about them putting the books away and continuing to play and bond. When we first came home, the kids spent most of every hour outside during the daylight hours. They had so much fun playing and their relationships were growing tighter.
Then came the cool, wet weather, and they came in to play and school began. For about a month we did school on a regular basis. I realized we needed more time for just 'being'. I was having a hard time keeping the Two Peas organized out of trouble, and the snow arrived!
Upon consulting with some parenting experts, I was given the wise advise to put school on hold and let the girls continue to absorb the culture and not worry about the academics. Cooper is at the same level as Mesai, so he gets to join her in waiting for next year to begin the bookwork. We will continue to work on the letters and sounds, but the desk work will wait.
In the meantime, the snow came. Now the children are outside building snow hills, sled jumps, and eating snow for hours and hours on end. I would say that at age 5, children running around playing and experiencing life is much more beneficial than sitting at a desk learning to read.
We shall continue to enjoy books from a 'being read to' perspective.
Whitney - I loved the encouragement and points about loving during the silliness. You are right in what you said. With your natural born children the love never turns off. It is there. Sure there are moments when you might want to.... Well, you still love them. With adopted children a lot of things are learned. They don't come naturally. Not at first. Some things you simply do because it is what you do. But bit by bit, they become natural. And sometimes, it is simply because someone gives you a tip like loving your children 'constantly' and not just when they are doing the right thing. Sounds simple doesn't it? Not necessarily.
Pouting, Feelings, and Bad Attitude - Roma, you asked me about pouting. To be honest, I can look back now and say I am glad I did what I did. I nipped it in the bud. I also worked very hard and used lots of talking to explain 'abstract concepts'.
The first time that we had a big episode of pouting, I thought the child was deeply grieved. I had no idea what was wrong. I had never seen this 'dead' look on a child's face before. I held them on my lap for a long time and then encouraged them to play and finally they moved on. Soon I got to recognize that face. It was when they didn't get what they wanted. Aha!
Time for a game plan. The next time this happened I made a big deal of showing them their hearts. I listened to their hearts and told them how I could hear them pounding. (Well, before you tell me my idea is silly because of course their heart is always pounding, listen to how well my little game worked. *smile*)
I told the Miserable Child that when they were sad their hearts pounded sloooowly and I showed them with my hands - booooommm, booooommm, booooommm. But when they were happy their hearts went - bang! bang! bang!
Happy Child listened to the heart of Miserable Child. Wow! She could hear the heart beat. Big smile. Miserable Child listened to the heart of Happy Child. She could hear the heart beat. Big smile.
I then told them that the slow heart was a Sad Heart and the fast one was a Happy Heart. (Silly, I know, but it worked!) They, of course, didn't notice the heart beat was always the same speed. :o)
I asked to listen to Miserable Child's heart, (who is now smiling) and I told her how loud and happy her heart sounded. She beamed. Happy Child wanted to listen. She did. She immediately pronounced her sister's heart a Happy Heart. *smile*
So now they had a concrete understanding of an abstract concept of a Happy Heart versus a Sad Heart. This tool has been invaluable.
The next step to working on their feelings was to talk about them. One day I sent a child to her bedroom for a behaviour. I arrived a few minutes later to talk to her. She was sitting on her bed with absolutely no expression on her face. Given her 'crime' she certainly should have had some expression of remorse, anger, sadness, something. If she were one of my birthchildren she would have. Why? Because they know how to express feelings.
I was baffled. This was the second time she had handled things like that and I wanted to know what was going on. So I asked her. Maybe that was not the 'right' way to handle things, but I had no idea. I was shooting from the hip.
I simply asked her how come, when she got sent to her room for doing a certain behaviour, did she have no feelings? Did she not feel bad for what she did? Was she not upset for being sent to her room? I basically talked 'to' her, because she was not speaking back to me. But it was a good thing I did, because after telling her that I was confused that she was not sad or mad for how she had behaved, her eyes welled up and the tears spilled over.
I took her on my lap and cuddled her and touched her heart. I asked her, "How does your heart feel?"
"Mad."
Wow! That was not what I was expecting. Given she was such a sweet child, so big on pleasing, it surprised me that she would be mad. She had done wrong and if I was to match the behaviour to the child - she would have felt 'bad' or 'sad' for the situation. Instead, she felt mad.
She was mad, she said, because she had to sit on her bed.
Not because she had done wrong, but because she got a consequence.
This seemed like a breakthrough. It couldn't be fake, cause fake might have simply said 'sad'. I gave her a big hug and told her how happy I was that she was sharing her feelings. I told her how important it was for her to feel that she could be mad or sad. I said as long as she did not hurt anyone when she was feeling these feelings that letting her feelings out was a very good thing to do.
I showed the girls my clenched fist and told them it was like a heart. If they did not let out their feelings when they were upset, it would hurt their hearts. A broken heart was a heart that did not have a chance to heal by being upset and crying or getting mad when things went wrong. A heart would heal when feelings were let out.
The next time we had a similar situation, I came to Mesai a few minutes after she was sent to her room. She was sitting on her chair waiting for me to arrive. She had the same deadpan look on her face. But within a split second of me saying, "What is your heart feeling?" her eyes filled up and she cried out quietly, "Sad."
Okay, so this was different!! I asked her why she was sad. This time there was remorse for her actions! Another breakthrough. She told me she was sad for what happened downstairs. That was a great moment. I hugged her and told her how proud I was of her for sharing her feelings.
I have always, always, used the words: Happy Heart and Sad Heart with my kids. So I began using the terms with the girls and they really got it. Whenever we talk about how they are feeling I will simply ask about their heart. And then we talk.
As to ATTITUDE. There is a difference between having a Sad Heart and having an Attitude. In my humble opinion, anyway.
We have long been over the not expressing feelings thing. Mesai feels quite free to cry if she wants to now without any prompting. Not that she has much chance to do so, since she is such an easy child! *smile*
But one day we moved beyond the Heart and onto a new word: Attitude. I was putting the girls to bed and we had just had a week of 'bad/poor choices' by one little girl. As I came to tuck her into bed I saw this sour look on her face. I had no idea what was up, as I had put them to bed when they were happy. I asked her about her face and said, "What's wrong?"
"I'm mad." We talked about why she was mad, and it was simply because she had lost out on something earlier, because of poor choices. I was not into letting a child go off to sleep in a huff. So then we talked about how she had feelings, but she also had to realize that being mad did not mean having a bad attitude. You don't walk around sour because of choices *you* make!
I really think the girls believe what I say, because I say it with conviction and I really explain things to them, so that it makes sense to them. We had a little talk, and she knew that I was not into letting her lay there in her bed pouting, so she better snap out of it. And she did.
In the daytime, pouting is very rare. I will offer or give consequences for it. (Actually, I have only seen it once in the last two weeks, and that was at the Christmas party, where said child tried a few little tricks.)
I have had advice to not give consequences and to ignore it, and in the beginning I thought it might be the way. But I really don't think so. The girls do very well with expectations. They know what we expect and they will rise to them. When we lower the bar, down go their behaviours.
They are normal kids!!! No matter where a child comes from, they are children! They will test the boundaries. We have been to doctors' offices, stores, my sister's for dinner, and a Christmas party. Each place they tested the boundaries. They are asking: Do the same rules apply here as at home? And I make sure that they see that they do, and the next time we enter one of those situations they behave as they do at home.
Honestly, I was surprised to see Mesai step out at the Christmas party and try her luck! Very surprised. I did not let her down. After this behaviour from the two of them went on for a while, we took a walk and had a chat. I explained how I expected them to behave at this party just the way they would at home with me. I told them that there would be Time Out - right there - and I pointed at the wall. Or we would go home. They fully believed me, as I have done it once before. Children will believe you - if you deliver. They are very smart.
They went back to the party full of smiles, for a couple reasons. One of which - Pouting was not an option. I know they felt confident that they were loved because we have talked in the past that boundaries mean that Mummy and Daddy love them and want the best for them. And the best includes Obeying, Respecting, and Listening.
Speaking of Obeying, Respecting and Listening - I taught the girls the word Honour the other day. One Little Miss was having a problem with choosing to wipe after using the bathroom. This was not a daily problem - only at night. We had a problem of her choosing to use her pajamas as toilet paper. Days of correction and chatting with other adoptive mums and I think we have her choosing to obey.
What was interesting was I asked them if they used toilet paper at both of the two orphanages that they were in: yes, they did. So she has had 14 months of toilet paper useage. Not a new thing.
So next question, what did you use when you lived with Sintayehu (as they call their Enat)? They told me that she had a bucket of water and they would use water to wash each time they used the bathroom.
At this point I was able to teach the girls the word Honour. I told them that to Honour their Enat meant to Listen, Obey, and Respect her. She had taught them good hygiene and they needed to Honour her by continuing in that practice. We have not had a problem since, and I can only hope it meant something to the Little Miss.
As far as throwing things when mad: None of my children have ever thrown anything in their anger. I think that this goes back to basic parenting. We all parent differently, but right from scratch if a tiny child threw something, I would correct them and tell them no. It is not acceptable. A child may have anger, but they do not need to sin in their anger. They need to learn to talk. That tiny child would be taught verbally and the toy taken away, but if it persisted, it would become Time Out, or some other form of consequence that would make them uncomfortable enough that they didn't want to repeat it.
The girls will test and they are learning that their big brothers are their bosses, as well as us. We have started to get our life back. For the first two and a half months that the children were home we stayed home. On Sunday nights, Ray and I go to a friend's house, with four other couples. We are gone from 6-10 pm (ish). We have a blast. We laugh, talk and we always are studying / learning something fascinating from a Biblical perspective. Also, on Tuesday nights, Ray goes to hockey and I go to my Ladies Group.
Both these nights the boys babysit. At first the girls' were great. They did exactly what they were told. But then the last few times we have noticed that one little Miss will actually tell her big brother NO. When we came home we talked about this with the boys and then the girls were reminded that when we are out, the boys are in charge. Ever since we picked up the girls they have been told that Cassidy, Dane, and Colt are their big brothers and they are to listen to them.
The next time we went out we had a similar incident and a few other little tricks thrown at the boys. So it was time to get serious and talk about consequences if they were choosing to disobey us, by disobeying their brothers. Things are improving and the girls are learning that we mean what we say and we say what we mean.
I really believe the key to all of the behaviours is:
Talk to the children and teach them to show their feelings. Talk, talk, talk. Commend them when they show their feelings. They will come slowly, but they will come.
Get them to show their feelings, but be able to recognize Bad Attitude and deal with it. Do not get it mixed up with feeling Mad. We all feel Mad, but we do not sulk because of our choices, and we do not throw things or hit people because of our choices. Acknowledge their feelings of Anger, but then have them let it go through Forgiveness of the other person.
Consistency. I run a tight ship. Your kids will learn if you can be trusted to stick to what you say and they will rein it in if they know you will be on them.
And last, but not least, they need to feel Loved. Our girls know I love them because I show them through touch, smiles, cuddles, care, words and just plain mothering them.
How Are The Girls Eating? Gwen, the girls are wonderful about their food. Honestly, again, they are normal kids!!! They don't prefer their vegetables, and that is about it!!!! LOL!! I do think it is how we handled it though. We have never adopted before, so we (I, since it is always me home) just did what I would do with my birthkids.
I told Ray that everything they are going to eat is going to be foreign. If I start letting them be picky then they will very likely be picky on a lot of things. So I didn't, right from the get go. In Ethiopia, Mesai was picky, and we let her be. We were on new territory and had no idea what we were doing with this child that did not speak our language and who we did not even know!
But the interesting thing is - in Ethiopia and when she was given control - she would not eat anything. But as soon as we took control and expected them to eat food, in general, the fussiness went.
The first morning Ray served oatmeal and it went down without a complaint. Great. The next meal was pasta and sauce, as they were used to. Simple. Great. That night, dinner was accepted. Suddenly, we were on a roll. I wasn't going to stop it.
I served dinner and in it were peas. One child didn't want to eat them, but I knew that they were a staple at our house, so she did. I only gave them each a tablespoon of them. They got used to peas and now eat them fine, but don't love them.
As far as dislikes. I have always given them food and expected them to eat it. But when I saw something was intensely disliked - and this only happened twice: pears and cheese - I did not reserve it. But the funny thing is, they came back to them later, another day, and now love them and ask for both of them.
They eat everything and enjoy it. They have grown to love icecream and pizza, but that didn't come at first. They now just want to eat what the boys eat. If I was serving something that was nice and they turned their nose up at it, I didn't force the issue - it was a treat, after all. But just watching their brothers causes them to decide to try it and each time they end up loving it.
So I believe that by feeding and expecting them to eat you will have less fussy eaters. My birthson is the worst fussy eater I have ever met!! And he has to eat his food, but if I listened to him I don't know if he would eat anything! So I take this method with the girls and they eat like Native Canadians
.
What Do We Do For School?
Stephanie, our younger children are using Spectrum this year. I like the thoroughness of the worksheets, the attractiveness of the layout, and the complexity of it all. The little ones are just using Phonics, but our Grade 4 student is using the Spectrum: writing, vocabulary, reading, and spelling. Both groups are using the ACSI Math program and I really like this, also. I am not doing much more than this this year. The kids are spending as much time as possible outside, and also doing things like puzzles, baking, crafts, fencing, chess, swimming. Ask me again next year!
The Grade 6 boy is using Sonlight Eastern Hemisphere. He is an avid book reader and is enjoying the reading. He has read at least 25 books since he began the program in mid October. He is learning about the human body through the science program in Sonlight, plus doing Language Arts, Bible memorization, classical music, and word processing through the Sonlight plan. I love the independence he has gained through this program.
But all that said - the little two students - both in Kindergarten - are on hold for this year. I have decided to wait. They are both at the very same stage. They are struggling with their letter names and sounds. One is a boy and I have found that all my boys learn later. But I have to say - Later is not bad.
Each of my boys enjoys reading. Some more than others. My last one to take off in reading - my 12 year old - didn't take off until he was 9.5 years. But since one week ago today, he has read one 350 page book, and is half way through another of the same size.
He has done this while keeping up with his schoolwork, and all his school reading, making dinner for me twice this week, and holding down the fort in the breakfast making department and helping in general in the house.
I am not too worried about them putting the books away and continuing to play and bond. When we first came home, the kids spent most of every hour outside during the daylight hours. They had so much fun playing and their relationships were growing tighter.
Then came the cool, wet weather, and they came in to play and school began. For about a month we did school on a regular basis. I realized we needed more time for just 'being'. I was having a hard time keeping the Two Peas organized out of trouble, and the snow arrived!
Upon consulting with some parenting experts, I was given the wise advise to put school on hold and let the girls continue to absorb the culture and not worry about the academics. Cooper is at the same level as Mesai, so he gets to join her in waiting for next year to begin the bookwork. We will continue to work on the letters and sounds, but the desk work will wait.
In the meantime, the snow came. Now the children are outside building snow hills, sled jumps, and eating snow for hours and hours on end. I would say that at age 5, children running around playing and experiencing life is much more beneficial than sitting at a desk learning to read.
We shall continue to enjoy books from a 'being read to' perspective.
Whitney - I loved the encouragement and points about loving during the silliness. You are right in what you said. With your natural born children the love never turns off. It is there. Sure there are moments when you might want to.... Well, you still love them. With adopted children a lot of things are learned. They don't come naturally. Not at first. Some things you simply do because it is what you do. But bit by bit, they become natural. And sometimes, it is simply because someone gives you a tip like loving your children 'constantly' and not just when they are doing the right thing. Sounds simple doesn't it? Not necessarily.
Pouting, Feelings, and Bad Attitude - Roma, you asked me about pouting. To be honest, I can look back now and say I am glad I did what I did. I nipped it in the bud. I also worked very hard and used lots of talking to explain 'abstract concepts'.
The first time that we had a big episode of pouting, I thought the child was deeply grieved. I had no idea what was wrong. I had never seen this 'dead' look on a child's face before. I held them on my lap for a long time and then encouraged them to play and finally they moved on. Soon I got to recognize that face. It was when they didn't get what they wanted. Aha!
Time for a game plan. The next time this happened I made a big deal of showing them their hearts. I listened to their hearts and told them how I could hear them pounding. (Well, before you tell me my idea is silly because of course their heart is always pounding, listen to how well my little game worked. *smile*)
I told the Miserable Child that when they were sad their hearts pounded sloooowly and I showed them with my hands - booooommm, booooommm, booooommm. But when they were happy their hearts went - bang! bang! bang!
Happy Child listened to the heart of Miserable Child. Wow! She could hear the heart beat. Big smile. Miserable Child listened to the heart of Happy Child. She could hear the heart beat. Big smile.
I then told them that the slow heart was a Sad Heart and the fast one was a Happy Heart. (Silly, I know, but it worked!) They, of course, didn't notice the heart beat was always the same speed. :o)
I asked to listen to Miserable Child's heart, (who is now smiling) and I told her how loud and happy her heart sounded. She beamed. Happy Child wanted to listen. She did. She immediately pronounced her sister's heart a Happy Heart. *smile*
So now they had a concrete understanding of an abstract concept of a Happy Heart versus a Sad Heart. This tool has been invaluable.
The next step to working on their feelings was to talk about them. One day I sent a child to her bedroom for a behaviour. I arrived a few minutes later to talk to her. She was sitting on her bed with absolutely no expression on her face. Given her 'crime' she certainly should have had some expression of remorse, anger, sadness, something. If she were one of my birthchildren she would have. Why? Because they know how to express feelings.
I was baffled. This was the second time she had handled things like that and I wanted to know what was going on. So I asked her. Maybe that was not the 'right' way to handle things, but I had no idea. I was shooting from the hip.
I simply asked her how come, when she got sent to her room for doing a certain behaviour, did she have no feelings? Did she not feel bad for what she did? Was she not upset for being sent to her room? I basically talked 'to' her, because she was not speaking back to me. But it was a good thing I did, because after telling her that I was confused that she was not sad or mad for how she had behaved, her eyes welled up and the tears spilled over.
I took her on my lap and cuddled her and touched her heart. I asked her, "How does your heart feel?"
"Mad."
Wow! That was not what I was expecting. Given she was such a sweet child, so big on pleasing, it surprised me that she would be mad. She had done wrong and if I was to match the behaviour to the child - she would have felt 'bad' or 'sad' for the situation. Instead, she felt mad.
She was mad, she said, because she had to sit on her bed.
Not because she had done wrong, but because she got a consequence.
This seemed like a breakthrough. It couldn't be fake, cause fake might have simply said 'sad'. I gave her a big hug and told her how happy I was that she was sharing her feelings. I told her how important it was for her to feel that she could be mad or sad. I said as long as she did not hurt anyone when she was feeling these feelings that letting her feelings out was a very good thing to do.
I showed the girls my clenched fist and told them it was like a heart. If they did not let out their feelings when they were upset, it would hurt their hearts. A broken heart was a heart that did not have a chance to heal by being upset and crying or getting mad when things went wrong. A heart would heal when feelings were let out.
The next time we had a similar situation, I came to Mesai a few minutes after she was sent to her room. She was sitting on her chair waiting for me to arrive. She had the same deadpan look on her face. But within a split second of me saying, "What is your heart feeling?" her eyes filled up and she cried out quietly, "Sad."
Okay, so this was different!! I asked her why she was sad. This time there was remorse for her actions! Another breakthrough. She told me she was sad for what happened downstairs. That was a great moment. I hugged her and told her how proud I was of her for sharing her feelings.
I have always, always, used the words: Happy Heart and Sad Heart with my kids. So I began using the terms with the girls and they really got it. Whenever we talk about how they are feeling I will simply ask about their heart. And then we talk.
As to ATTITUDE. There is a difference between having a Sad Heart and having an Attitude. In my humble opinion, anyway.
We have long been over the not expressing feelings thing. Mesai feels quite free to cry if she wants to now without any prompting. Not that she has much chance to do so, since she is such an easy child! *smile*
But one day we moved beyond the Heart and onto a new word: Attitude. I was putting the girls to bed and we had just had a week of 'bad/poor choices' by one little girl. As I came to tuck her into bed I saw this sour look on her face. I had no idea what was up, as I had put them to bed when they were happy. I asked her about her face and said, "What's wrong?"
"I'm mad." We talked about why she was mad, and it was simply because she had lost out on something earlier, because of poor choices. I was not into letting a child go off to sleep in a huff. So then we talked about how she had feelings, but she also had to realize that being mad did not mean having a bad attitude. You don't walk around sour because of choices *you* make!
I really think the girls believe what I say, because I say it with conviction and I really explain things to them, so that it makes sense to them. We had a little talk, and she knew that I was not into letting her lay there in her bed pouting, so she better snap out of it. And she did.
In the daytime, pouting is very rare. I will offer or give consequences for it. (Actually, I have only seen it once in the last two weeks, and that was at the Christmas party, where said child tried a few little tricks.)
I have had advice to not give consequences and to ignore it, and in the beginning I thought it might be the way. But I really don't think so. The girls do very well with expectations. They know what we expect and they will rise to them. When we lower the bar, down go their behaviours.
They are normal kids!!! No matter where a child comes from, they are children! They will test the boundaries. We have been to doctors' offices, stores, my sister's for dinner, and a Christmas party. Each place they tested the boundaries. They are asking: Do the same rules apply here as at home? And I make sure that they see that they do, and the next time we enter one of those situations they behave as they do at home.
Honestly, I was surprised to see Mesai step out at the Christmas party and try her luck! Very surprised. I did not let her down. After this behaviour from the two of them went on for a while, we took a walk and had a chat. I explained how I expected them to behave at this party just the way they would at home with me. I told them that there would be Time Out - right there - and I pointed at the wall. Or we would go home. They fully believed me, as I have done it once before. Children will believe you - if you deliver. They are very smart.
They went back to the party full of smiles, for a couple reasons. One of which - Pouting was not an option. I know they felt confident that they were loved because we have talked in the past that boundaries mean that Mummy and Daddy love them and want the best for them. And the best includes Obeying, Respecting, and Listening.
Speaking of Obeying, Respecting and Listening - I taught the girls the word Honour the other day. One Little Miss was having a problem with choosing to wipe after using the bathroom. This was not a daily problem - only at night. We had a problem of her choosing to use her pajamas as toilet paper. Days of correction and chatting with other adoptive mums and I think we have her choosing to obey.
What was interesting was I asked them if they used toilet paper at both of the two orphanages that they were in: yes, they did. So she has had 14 months of toilet paper useage. Not a new thing.
So next question, what did you use when you lived with Sintayehu (as they call their Enat)? They told me that she had a bucket of water and they would use water to wash each time they used the bathroom.
At this point I was able to teach the girls the word Honour. I told them that to Honour their Enat meant to Listen, Obey, and Respect her. She had taught them good hygiene and they needed to Honour her by continuing in that practice. We have not had a problem since, and I can only hope it meant something to the Little Miss.
As far as throwing things when mad: None of my children have ever thrown anything in their anger. I think that this goes back to basic parenting. We all parent differently, but right from scratch if a tiny child threw something, I would correct them and tell them no. It is not acceptable. A child may have anger, but they do not need to sin in their anger. They need to learn to talk. That tiny child would be taught verbally and the toy taken away, but if it persisted, it would become Time Out, or some other form of consequence that would make them uncomfortable enough that they didn't want to repeat it.
The girls will test and they are learning that their big brothers are their bosses, as well as us. We have started to get our life back. For the first two and a half months that the children were home we stayed home. On Sunday nights, Ray and I go to a friend's house, with four other couples. We are gone from 6-10 pm (ish). We have a blast. We laugh, talk and we always are studying / learning something fascinating from a Biblical perspective. Also, on Tuesday nights, Ray goes to hockey and I go to my Ladies Group.
Both these nights the boys babysit. At first the girls' were great. They did exactly what they were told. But then the last few times we have noticed that one little Miss will actually tell her big brother NO. When we came home we talked about this with the boys and then the girls were reminded that when we are out, the boys are in charge. Ever since we picked up the girls they have been told that Cassidy, Dane, and Colt are their big brothers and they are to listen to them.
The next time we went out we had a similar incident and a few other little tricks thrown at the boys. So it was time to get serious and talk about consequences if they were choosing to disobey us, by disobeying their brothers. Things are improving and the girls are learning that we mean what we say and we say what we mean.
I really believe the key to all of the behaviours is:
Talk to the children and teach them to show their feelings. Talk, talk, talk. Commend them when they show their feelings. They will come slowly, but they will come.
Get them to show their feelings, but be able to recognize Bad Attitude and deal with it. Do not get it mixed up with feeling Mad. We all feel Mad, but we do not sulk because of our choices, and we do not throw things or hit people because of our choices. Acknowledge their feelings of Anger, but then have them let it go through Forgiveness of the other person.
Consistency. I run a tight ship. Your kids will learn if you can be trusted to stick to what you say and they will rein it in if they know you will be on them.
And last, but not least, they need to feel Loved. Our girls know I love them because I show them through touch, smiles, cuddles, care, words and just plain mothering them.
How Are The Girls Eating? Gwen, the girls are wonderful about their food. Honestly, again, they are normal kids!!! They don't prefer their vegetables, and that is about it!!!! LOL!! I do think it is how we handled it though. We have never adopted before, so we (I, since it is always me home) just did what I would do with my birthkids.
I told Ray that everything they are going to eat is going to be foreign. If I start letting them be picky then they will very likely be picky on a lot of things. So I didn't, right from the get go. In Ethiopia, Mesai was picky, and we let her be. We were on new territory and had no idea what we were doing with this child that did not speak our language and who we did not even know!
But the interesting thing is - in Ethiopia and when she was given control - she would not eat anything. But as soon as we took control and expected them to eat food, in general, the fussiness went.
The first morning Ray served oatmeal and it went down without a complaint. Great. The next meal was pasta and sauce, as they were used to. Simple. Great. That night, dinner was accepted. Suddenly, we were on a roll. I wasn't going to stop it.
I served dinner and in it were peas. One child didn't want to eat them, but I knew that they were a staple at our house, so she did. I only gave them each a tablespoon of them. They got used to peas and now eat them fine, but don't love them.
As far as dislikes. I have always given them food and expected them to eat it. But when I saw something was intensely disliked - and this only happened twice: pears and cheese - I did not reserve it. But the funny thing is, they came back to them later, another day, and now love them and ask for both of them.
They eat everything and enjoy it. They have grown to love icecream and pizza, but that didn't come at first. They now just want to eat what the boys eat. If I was serving something that was nice and they turned their nose up at it, I didn't force the issue - it was a treat, after all. But just watching their brothers causes them to decide to try it and each time they end up loving it.
So I believe that by feeding and expecting them to eat you will have less fussy eaters. My birthson is the worst fussy eater I have ever met!! And he has to eat his food, but if I listened to him I don't know if he would eat anything! So I take this method with the girls and they eat like Native Canadians
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Two Peas in a Pod
These two little ones are keeping me hopping!! When Gadisae came to us she was (is) 2 months older than Briton. At first, we questioned this. He is a peanut! She is about 6" taller than him. She keeps moving up in size (since we got her measurements back in March) and he grows very slowly.
But as I watch them in their behaviour and development, I realize that no matter the real age gap, they are TWINS!
Oh, the things they get up to! I have since learned that while I do school with the other little ones, I cannot leave them unattended too long....
Briton, always the poser.
MOST WANTED
Baby Briton and his Co-Conspirator Giggling Gadisae
This particular day they trashed the bedroom and then rubbed Gadisae's buttery hair cream all over the dog and all over Briton's nice long hair. Oh the mess! Then when they were confronted with the mess in the upstairs bedrooms and hallway and told to clean it up, Miss Didi decided to hide it all under the bed.
Caught in the Act of Trashing The Room
The above picture was after they were caught with the hair cream. Upon finding the hair cream, I also found a piece of bubble gum. Yum!!
They really are pals. They spend many hours together. Briton is actually learning to talk and I think he is actually ahead of Gadisae! This is new. Lately, he is putting two and three and four words together on a regular basis.
But the funny thing is how he and Didi talk. They interchange their words. He says, "Kaka," when he goes to the bathroom (Amharic). She says, "Heady," when something is too hard (Britonese). He says, "Me no happy, Mum." (Gadisae-ese) She calls 'candy' - 'dandy' (Britonese). He says, "Ciao," when saying good-bye (Amharic). There are many more like this.
It is very cute how they learn from each other. Briton has learned how little girls go to the bathroom, so now we have to be sure he has a roll of toilet paper nearby when he goes pee. It is too cute! He doesn't know if he is a girl, a boy, Canadian or Amharic. *smile*
TV Watching Buddies
Here Briton finally has someone that he can teach. Gadisae had no clue to colours or shapes. So Briton was teaching her where the little shapes should go.
Doesn't this say it all? And I didn't even put it on him. *grin* And of course, he has no idea that the sticker he choose from the sticker book says what it says!! LOL!
Heading Out to Play
They love the snow and will go out all day if I let them!
Even Having Lunch Outside!
.
But as I watch them in their behaviour and development, I realize that no matter the real age gap, they are TWINS!
Oh, the things they get up to! I have since learned that while I do school with the other little ones, I cannot leave them unattended too long....
Briton, always the poser.
MOST WANTEDBaby Briton and his Co-Conspirator Giggling Gadisae
This particular day they trashed the bedroom and then rubbed Gadisae's buttery hair cream all over the dog and all over Briton's nice long hair. Oh the mess! Then when they were confronted with the mess in the upstairs bedrooms and hallway and told to clean it up, Miss Didi decided to hide it all under the bed.
Caught in the Act of Trashing The RoomThe above picture was after they were caught with the hair cream. Upon finding the hair cream, I also found a piece of bubble gum. Yum!!
They really are pals. They spend many hours together. Briton is actually learning to talk and I think he is actually ahead of Gadisae! This is new. Lately, he is putting two and three and four words together on a regular basis.But the funny thing is how he and Didi talk. They interchange their words. He says, "Kaka," when he goes to the bathroom (Amharic). She says, "Heady," when something is too hard (Britonese). He says, "Me no happy, Mum." (Gadisae-ese) She calls 'candy' - 'dandy' (Britonese). He says, "Ciao," when saying good-bye (Amharic). There are many more like this.
It is very cute how they learn from each other. Briton has learned how little girls go to the bathroom, so now we have to be sure he has a roll of toilet paper nearby when he goes pee. It is too cute! He doesn't know if he is a girl, a boy, Canadian or Amharic. *smile*
TV Watching Buddies
Here Briton finally has someone that he can teach. Gadisae had no clue to colours or shapes. So Briton was teaching her where the little shapes should go.
Doesn't this say it all? And I didn't even put it on him. *grin* And of course, he has no idea that the sticker he choose from the sticker book says what it says!! LOL!
Heading Out to Play
They love the snow and will go out all day if I let them!
Even Having Lunch Outside!Sunday, November 23, 2008
Doro - It Must Be My Birthday!
I forgot to mention that the day that was Gadisae's birthday I was putting two chickens in a roasting pan. She saw these two sad looking chickens (one son said they looked like bats!! I actually got a killer deal and it is no wonder! *grin*)
Gadisae's face lit up and she said, "Doro - me birthday - doro?"
Going with the program as it was being written, *grin*, I immediately said, "Yes! Your birthday. We have doro!"
She beamed.
I connected. When she lived with her mother and it was a special time - New Years or Christmas - they would have chicken. If they were very fortunate then they would have a little bit of butter to put on the chicken for baking.
This was a wonderful memory. Her face just lit up.
As Gadisae watched the chicken come out of the oven later, for testing to see if it was done, she was immediately talking again. Using her hands and a few words, she expressed to me what it was like when they had chicken:
"Me," and she mimed holding a chicken leg and gnawing down on it like a ravenous little monster. She laughed in delight when she told me how Mesai ate, "Mesai," nibble, nibble, on her piece of chicken.
It was so wonderful to see her tell this story, and Mesai said it was so. It makes sense knowing the two little personalities as I do. Mesai is the little lady, and Gadisae, well, just believe me when I say I can see her chomping on a bone! *grin*
.
Gadisae's face lit up and she said, "Doro - me birthday - doro?"
Going with the program as it was being written, *grin*, I immediately said, "Yes! Your birthday. We have doro!"
She beamed.
I connected. When she lived with her mother and it was a special time - New Years or Christmas - they would have chicken. If they were very fortunate then they would have a little bit of butter to put on the chicken for baking.
This was a wonderful memory. Her face just lit up.
As Gadisae watched the chicken come out of the oven later, for testing to see if it was done, she was immediately talking again. Using her hands and a few words, she expressed to me what it was like when they had chicken:
"Me," and she mimed holding a chicken leg and gnawing down on it like a ravenous little monster. She laughed in delight when she told me how Mesai ate, "Mesai," nibble, nibble, on her piece of chicken.
It was so wonderful to see her tell this story, and Mesai said it was so. It makes sense knowing the two little personalities as I do. Mesai is the little lady, and Gadisae, well, just believe me when I say I can see her chomping on a bone! *grin*
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Saturday, November 22, 2008
Learning to Communicate
One day, an older brother brought one Little Miss downstairs and told me that she was throwing game pieces around the room and not being very kind. I had her sit on a chair and wait for me, while I went upstairs to find out from the others what had happened.
They, including her sister, told me that there was a mistaken double turn taken by her sister. Little Miss was not happy about this and thought she was being cheated. She got up and walked off in a pout. A few minutes later, she returned, reached down and picked up some game pieces from the middle of the game and threw them across the room. Such a thing had not happened before.
Before I left the room, I asked my son, "Did she say anything, while she was walking around the room?"
"Yes, she was saying, "Me very very sad."
Suddenly, the whole picture shifted. This was a triumph, not something to be dealt with!
I ran downstairs and over to the couch where Little Miss was sitting. She was quite startled, as I took her in my arms and gave her a great big hug. She was expecting to be corrected for her unkind behaviour.
"You said, Me very very sad. Good for you!! I am so happy that you said how you were feeling!"
This was huge! Walking off in a pout has been long dealt with. At least, in my presence it has. I know it still goes on outside once in a while, where there is no adult watching. So for her to actually TELL her feelings was monumental! I was so pleased. I have been telling the girls to tell their feelings rather than pout. And it finally kicked in!
.
They, including her sister, told me that there was a mistaken double turn taken by her sister. Little Miss was not happy about this and thought she was being cheated. She got up and walked off in a pout. A few minutes later, she returned, reached down and picked up some game pieces from the middle of the game and threw them across the room. Such a thing had not happened before.
Before I left the room, I asked my son, "Did she say anything, while she was walking around the room?"
"Yes, she was saying, "Me very very sad."
Suddenly, the whole picture shifted. This was a triumph, not something to be dealt with!
I ran downstairs and over to the couch where Little Miss was sitting. She was quite startled, as I took her in my arms and gave her a great big hug. She was expecting to be corrected for her unkind behaviour.
"You said, Me very very sad. Good for you!! I am so happy that you said how you were feeling!"
This was huge! Walking off in a pout has been long dealt with. At least, in my presence it has. I know it still goes on outside once in a while, where there is no adult watching. So for her to actually TELL her feelings was monumental! I was so pleased. I have been telling the girls to tell their feelings rather than pout. And it finally kicked in!
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Thursday, November 20, 2008
Attention Getting and Being Real
I love the little moments that bond me to my children. The other day the children were all outside playing, and trust me, when I send them out - I send them OUT! It is rare for me to have a moment where I do not have children under feet, so when I send them out to play I expect them to play outside until I call them in.
I have absolutely NO guilt over this with regard to our adopted children, due to the fact that most people who adopt, send their children to school. Those children do not have mummy in their sight for many hours a day. Our girls have me on and off throughout the day, so I figure they are just fine giving mummy a break, while they play with their brothers outside.
This one particular day had been a *loooonnnnggg* one!! I was thankful they were finally all outside, and I should just mention - the days are shorter, the children are all doing school now, so I don't actually get to send them outside for very long anymore! My quiet times are very, very short now!
Well, I come around the corner in the kitchen and their is a child coming down the stairs. In my sacred, quiet, house. WHAT? A Child? *laugh*
"What are you doing in?" I question her.
"I am potty," She replies.
"You are not potty. You are girl," I tease her.
She looks at me with the look I have come to know and love - the REAL child (not the child that is looking for attention with silliness) - and she shakes her head in exasperation and says, "Awwwww Mummmmm." Like: Come on!! You KNOW what I mean!
It was the sweetest thing and it squeezed my heart a little more. Those *real* moments are what are connecting me with these children. This littlest one can tend to put on what she thinks is cute. Simply to get our attention. But really, I don't like it. It is gooey and sugary, and simply not *her*!
She is learning that we love the Real Girl. I have talked to both of the girls, and her sister, Mesai, is old enough to understand what the Real Girl is versus the Pretend Girl. We found she was doing some very silly giggling whenever her dad was around. Totally not who she is. When I talked to her about being herself, she understood. I told her that we love her for her, not for the silly girl. We love the Kind Mesai, the Sweet Mesai, the Helpful Mesai. She understood and since then I have seen that she is so much more real. She realizes that she doesn't need to be silly and giggly to get our attention.
What I have noticed with Gadisae is that when she first came to us she would do the silliest faces and we lapped it up. Wasn't she cute! But it didn't take me many weeks before I realized it was all for attention. She made a face - we reacted - she felt accepted - it continued.
Upon reading about healthy attachment and attention getting techniques, I realized what was going on. I began to explain that she was being silly, and she, of course, knew she was being silly. Today, I see a different child. I love how she is now. Tonight, for instance, she was sitting on her floor. Ray and I were talking. He, sitting on her bed, and I, sitting on Mesai's bed. Mesai was in the bathroom. I looked at Gadisae sitting on the floor watching me, and I realized she was very deliberately watching me. So, as I looked at her I said, "What are you doing?" Kind of teasing her. Instead of being goofy and going off the top with faces and such because she had my attention, she simply replied, "Me sitting on floor."
But... she couldn't resist for long. As she got off the floor, she walked to her bed and began showing off. Making the most ridiculous faces. Ray and I continued talking and ignored it. But day by day, she is learning that that is not what gets our attention.
.
.
I have absolutely NO guilt over this with regard to our adopted children, due to the fact that most people who adopt, send their children to school. Those children do not have mummy in their sight for many hours a day. Our girls have me on and off throughout the day, so I figure they are just fine giving mummy a break, while they play with their brothers outside.
This one particular day had been a *loooonnnnggg* one!! I was thankful they were finally all outside, and I should just mention - the days are shorter, the children are all doing school now, so I don't actually get to send them outside for very long anymore! My quiet times are very, very short now!
Well, I come around the corner in the kitchen and their is a child coming down the stairs. In my sacred, quiet, house. WHAT? A Child? *laugh*
"What are you doing in?" I question her.
"I am potty," She replies.
"You are not potty. You are girl," I tease her.
She looks at me with the look I have come to know and love - the REAL child (not the child that is looking for attention with silliness) - and she shakes her head in exasperation and says, "Awwwww Mummmmm." Like: Come on!! You KNOW what I mean!
It was the sweetest thing and it squeezed my heart a little more. Those *real* moments are what are connecting me with these children. This littlest one can tend to put on what she thinks is cute. Simply to get our attention. But really, I don't like it. It is gooey and sugary, and simply not *her*!
She is learning that we love the Real Girl. I have talked to both of the girls, and her sister, Mesai, is old enough to understand what the Real Girl is versus the Pretend Girl. We found she was doing some very silly giggling whenever her dad was around. Totally not who she is. When I talked to her about being herself, she understood. I told her that we love her for her, not for the silly girl. We love the Kind Mesai, the Sweet Mesai, the Helpful Mesai. She understood and since then I have seen that she is so much more real. She realizes that she doesn't need to be silly and giggly to get our attention.
What I have noticed with Gadisae is that when she first came to us she would do the silliest faces and we lapped it up. Wasn't she cute! But it didn't take me many weeks before I realized it was all for attention. She made a face - we reacted - she felt accepted - it continued.
Upon reading about healthy attachment and attention getting techniques, I realized what was going on. I began to explain that she was being silly, and she, of course, knew she was being silly. Today, I see a different child. I love how she is now. Tonight, for instance, she was sitting on her floor. Ray and I were talking. He, sitting on her bed, and I, sitting on Mesai's bed. Mesai was in the bathroom. I looked at Gadisae sitting on the floor watching me, and I realized she was very deliberately watching me. So, as I looked at her I said, "What are you doing?" Kind of teasing her. Instead of being goofy and going off the top with faces and such because she had my attention, she simply replied, "Me sitting on floor."
But... she couldn't resist for long. As she got off the floor, she walked to her bed and began showing off. Making the most ridiculous faces. Ray and I continued talking and ignored it. But day by day, she is learning that that is not what gets our attention.
.
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Friday, November 14, 2008
No Sissy Girls At My House
I always knew that if I had girls, I didn't want girly-girl ones. I wanted girls that could enjoy playing with the boys, and at the same time, knew how to dress up as a little girl. But I didn't want a prissy little girl that didn't know how to have fun. One that cried when the boys played a little too rough.
Why should I have been surprised to see the little girls that God chose for our family running through the yard chasing their brothers complete with swords and icecream bucket headgear?
Or being quite ready and willing, and even pushing to go first, down a 16' slide and ski-jump into the snow?
But, at the same time, one little girl wanted to be a princess, when the other sister was dressed up as a knight.
We have a very happy balance of princess and tomboy in our house. Just perfect!
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Why should I have been surprised to see the little girls that God chose for our family running through the yard chasing their brothers complete with swords and icecream bucket headgear?
Or being quite ready and willing, and even pushing to go first, down a 16' slide and ski-jump into the snow?
But, at the same time, one little girl wanted to be a princess, when the other sister was dressed up as a knight.
We have a very happy balance of princess and tomboy in our house. Just perfect!
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Monday, November 10, 2008
Moving Beyond Survival
Life has regained a semblance of normalcy. There are moments / times when I think I HAVE EIGHT CHILDREN!!!!! Am I nuts?
But then I know that God planned it all and it is all in control! *laugh*
At times it is frustrating because I know that people expect us to be who we were before. And we aren't. We are a different family. We are adjusting. We are learning to live together. We are, as I have told Ray, *rock tumbling*. That is how I explain the sometimes uncomfortable way that we get through the days or situations. We are creating a New Normal. This is our life now. It is good. The girls are amazing. But it is different.
We can't just pick up and go out - yes, the girls can and the boys can. But *I* don't always want to! I have 5 kids to put in carseats or booster seats. You try doing that in winter coats! Like I told one of our boys, "It will probably be 9 months home before many people really see our girls." They have been home for two months already and the snow is about to arrive (we have already had a couple dumps). Once the cold weather arrives I do not have great plans of dressing everybody to go shopping, just for the sake of doing it! It will be much easier to leave the kids at home and take one or two with me, rather than the crowd.
I am enjoying finally feeling that we are a regular family again. My one son, has a real problem with everyone wanting to talk to us. As it is, even before we had the extra kids, we would get comments from people at church. Nice comments. But still comments. They would say things about loving watching our family and such things. Well, this one boy wants to crawl under a rock! LOL!! He does not want to be watched and questioned. This last Sunday when we went to church he didn't come in until the service was started, so he could avoid the well-wishers, smilers, and questions at the door.
I told him he is becoming phobic!! LOL! His brother told him, "Just smile, shake hands and move on through. It's not that bad."
But I do know what he means. *I* do not like being on display and when we go to town, small town that it is, they tend to notice us. What do you think!? They have waited months for this day! And we have been in somewhat hibernation for the last 2 months.
Well, it is finally starting to feel like that is all behind me. *I* don't any longer feel like they are new children. I no longer worry about having them 'just beside me' when I am out and about. I know that when I park the car and open the sliding door, they will hop out and simply follow me. I don't have to hold hands for fear of them walking into traffic, or not knowing what to do.
Now, they are just part of the routine. "Belts off," I call. They clamber to the door. I open the door. Out they jump and into the video store we go. Just a normal everyday family. Until Mesai says, "I am movie looking." Right, she has not been in a video store before. WHAT? says the man, flabbergasted LOL!!
I love the fact that though Mesai doesn't get much of what I say, I can whip off a list of instructions to her and she can gather what she needs and run and do it. "Okay, upstairs. Jammies on, brush teeth, and then play in your bedroom, until book time." And off she runs. Her sister, on the other hand, is much less clear with what I say. I have to break it down in tiny pieces, and sometimes Mesai will rescue me and turn it into Amharic. But either way they are doing amazingly.
It is hard to believe that two short months ago, I was telling them how to shut a door, what a coat was, how to make a bed, why we have to flush the toilet, wash hands, put on shoes etc.
Each of those instructions took great teaching - both in visual and in verbal. Now 95% of our day is routine and they just know what to do, or if I call out an instruction they follow through with it. There are few new things right now.
Someone made a really profound statement the other day and I really appreciated her honesty. She said, "It's not always easy loving a child that did not come from your own body." We love our girls, but it is step by step. The love while in 'utero' (Ethiopia) is different to the love when the child (ren) are in your home and your lives and adjusting to being *your* children - not someone else's children. The little things that you did not train into them that you are adjusting to, or the little behaviours. And simply becoming their parents. It takes time.
Now, don't get me wrong. We have been truly blessed by these little girls. They are very special little personalities!! It does take time, though, and it does not happen overnight. It is a great thing and I would have it no other way, but it would not be real to say it just 'happens' immediately. Everyday you become more of a family.
The one I have to say that adjusted the easiest was our five year old. He and Mesai and Gadisae just hang out all the time. Now, the other two, ages 9 and nearly 4, do also. But the 4 year old had to adjust first, and I can say that that is done. He is my happy little boy again. Interestingly enough, he blows me kisses all the time and just wants a kiss here and there - something he didn't do before the girls. He was usually too busy. I would steal hugs and kisses, but now he is a little sap. And he is always kissing the girls. At dinner tonight, he slipped over two stools to get up close to Gadisae to give her a kiss in the middle of dinner. He is such a little love.
And funny to say, but I think the oldest two have had a different reaction than I would have thought. First, the girls are simply more siblings. Not girls. Just kids. *laugh* The girls are not pandered to. That is not something we would ever do, and I am glad to say that neither Ray nor myself have that attitude. So perhaps that is why the boys don't spoil them. To one son they are simply more noise! LOL!! To the other son, they just blend in with the crowd and he is too busy with his life to see much of them. Not really what I thought would happen. But it is good. The whole crowd just simply feels like it has always been together.
They play for hours and hours together and rarely fight.Where once the boys would go outside for a couple hours to play on the cooler days, now since September they have been outside for most of every day! The girls are acclimatizing very nicely! I actually have to call them in when it is too dark to see because they would keep on playing! They don't even notice the chill in the air! Children are simply amazing! Or maybe I should say - Mine are! *smile*
Snack Time
Teamwork Cleaning Up the Yard
Their First Big Puzzle
Gadisae had never done a puzzle before. The four piece puzzles were a real challenge to her. Then one day, she and Briton got out this puzzle and began to work very hard. I was amazed. Briton had never done a puzzle like this before on his own! And together they accomplished it
The Four Amigos
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But then I know that God planned it all and it is all in control! *laugh*
At times it is frustrating because I know that people expect us to be who we were before. And we aren't. We are a different family. We are adjusting. We are learning to live together. We are, as I have told Ray, *rock tumbling*. That is how I explain the sometimes uncomfortable way that we get through the days or situations. We are creating a New Normal. This is our life now. It is good. The girls are amazing. But it is different.
We can't just pick up and go out - yes, the girls can and the boys can. But *I* don't always want to! I have 5 kids to put in carseats or booster seats. You try doing that in winter coats! Like I told one of our boys, "It will probably be 9 months home before many people really see our girls." They have been home for two months already and the snow is about to arrive (we have already had a couple dumps). Once the cold weather arrives I do not have great plans of dressing everybody to go shopping, just for the sake of doing it! It will be much easier to leave the kids at home and take one or two with me, rather than the crowd.
I am enjoying finally feeling that we are a regular family again. My one son, has a real problem with everyone wanting to talk to us. As it is, even before we had the extra kids, we would get comments from people at church. Nice comments. But still comments. They would say things about loving watching our family and such things. Well, this one boy wants to crawl under a rock! LOL!! He does not want to be watched and questioned. This last Sunday when we went to church he didn't come in until the service was started, so he could avoid the well-wishers, smilers, and questions at the door.
I told him he is becoming phobic!! LOL! His brother told him, "Just smile, shake hands and move on through. It's not that bad."
But I do know what he means. *I* do not like being on display and when we go to town, small town that it is, they tend to notice us. What do you think!? They have waited months for this day! And we have been in somewhat hibernation for the last 2 months.
Well, it is finally starting to feel like that is all behind me. *I* don't any longer feel like they are new children. I no longer worry about having them 'just beside me' when I am out and about. I know that when I park the car and open the sliding door, they will hop out and simply follow me. I don't have to hold hands for fear of them walking into traffic, or not knowing what to do.
Now, they are just part of the routine. "Belts off," I call. They clamber to the door. I open the door. Out they jump and into the video store we go. Just a normal everyday family. Until Mesai says, "I am movie looking." Right, she has not been in a video store before. WHAT? says the man, flabbergasted LOL!!
I love the fact that though Mesai doesn't get much of what I say, I can whip off a list of instructions to her and she can gather what she needs and run and do it. "Okay, upstairs. Jammies on, brush teeth, and then play in your bedroom, until book time." And off she runs. Her sister, on the other hand, is much less clear with what I say. I have to break it down in tiny pieces, and sometimes Mesai will rescue me and turn it into Amharic. But either way they are doing amazingly.
It is hard to believe that two short months ago, I was telling them how to shut a door, what a coat was, how to make a bed, why we have to flush the toilet, wash hands, put on shoes etc.
Each of those instructions took great teaching - both in visual and in verbal. Now 95% of our day is routine and they just know what to do, or if I call out an instruction they follow through with it. There are few new things right now.
Someone made a really profound statement the other day and I really appreciated her honesty. She said, "It's not always easy loving a child that did not come from your own body." We love our girls, but it is step by step. The love while in 'utero' (Ethiopia) is different to the love when the child (ren) are in your home and your lives and adjusting to being *your* children - not someone else's children. The little things that you did not train into them that you are adjusting to, or the little behaviours. And simply becoming their parents. It takes time.
Now, don't get me wrong. We have been truly blessed by these little girls. They are very special little personalities!! It does take time, though, and it does not happen overnight. It is a great thing and I would have it no other way, but it would not be real to say it just 'happens' immediately. Everyday you become more of a family.
The one I have to say that adjusted the easiest was our five year old. He and Mesai and Gadisae just hang out all the time. Now, the other two, ages 9 and nearly 4, do also. But the 4 year old had to adjust first, and I can say that that is done. He is my happy little boy again. Interestingly enough, he blows me kisses all the time and just wants a kiss here and there - something he didn't do before the girls. He was usually too busy. I would steal hugs and kisses, but now he is a little sap. And he is always kissing the girls. At dinner tonight, he slipped over two stools to get up close to Gadisae to give her a kiss in the middle of dinner. He is such a little love.
And funny to say, but I think the oldest two have had a different reaction than I would have thought. First, the girls are simply more siblings. Not girls. Just kids. *laugh* The girls are not pandered to. That is not something we would ever do, and I am glad to say that neither Ray nor myself have that attitude. So perhaps that is why the boys don't spoil them. To one son they are simply more noise! LOL!! To the other son, they just blend in with the crowd and he is too busy with his life to see much of them. Not really what I thought would happen. But it is good. The whole crowd just simply feels like it has always been together.
They play for hours and hours together and rarely fight.Where once the boys would go outside for a couple hours to play on the cooler days, now since September they have been outside for most of every day! The girls are acclimatizing very nicely! I actually have to call them in when it is too dark to see because they would keep on playing! They don't even notice the chill in the air! Children are simply amazing! Or maybe I should say - Mine are! *smile*
Snack Time
Teamwork Cleaning Up the Yard
Their First Big PuzzleGadisae had never done a puzzle before. The four piece puzzles were a real challenge to her. Then one day, she and Briton got out this puzzle and began to work very hard. I was amazed. Briton had never done a puzzle like this before on his own! And together they accomplished it
The Four Amigos
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Saturday, October 11, 2008
A Wonderful Welcome
Our girls were welcomed in the most heartwarming manner today. Old customers of Ray's, who long ago became friends, (and readers of my blog *smile*), came to meet the girls at our house this afternoon.
They came in with the most beautiful gift bags. The girls were sleeping when they arrived, but knew they were coming, as we had discussed the internet birthday card that Mesai had received for her birthday.
I brought them downstairs and without prompting they went from person to person saying hello. They have such impeccible manners. It is so sweet.
It was so neat to see the delight on the girls' faces when they saw their gift bags. Mesai has had a birthday, but this was Gadisae's first gift. As the bags were handed to them she did not dive into hers. First, Mesai said, "What is this?" in her typical fashion. Gadisae watched Mesai to see what she would do and then followed suit in taking out the tissue paper in her bag.
Beautiful Bags
Oh Look!
Click on the picture and look at Mesai's delight and Gadisae's thrill. Such a happy moment for Gadisae, especially, since she had not opened a gift before!
The girls received the most cozy, beautiful pajamas, and then discovered something else. What could it be? Mrs. V. had thoughtfully and patiently searched for weeks to find the girls' music boxes! When they opened it it was the most amazing thing. It was the epitomy of a little girl's gift. Every little girl should have a music box. What an amazing keepsake!
But that was not all! Within the music boxes each of the girls had an exquisite, tiny, silver bracelet engraved with their names! So beautiful!
Enjoying the Beautiful Butterfly Dancing
When the girls went to bed they had a chance to play their music boxes as they went to sleep.
We were very touched by the thoughtfulness of this welcome. And not only did they think of the girls, but Mrs. V. and her daughter Penny, also brought the boys a wonderful filled box of cookies!! Oh, and you should see the decorating! Who could eat these works of art? Well, actually, I did, and so did the rest of the family. They will probably be gone by tomorrow! *laugh* They were so tasty. But seriously! If you could see the pitiful cookies that are decorated at my house.... *grin*
Unfortunately, Mr. V, and his grandson, Tyler, left to get gas right before I took this picture. So they are not in the photo.
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They came in with the most beautiful gift bags. The girls were sleeping when they arrived, but knew they were coming, as we had discussed the internet birthday card that Mesai had received for her birthday.
I brought them downstairs and without prompting they went from person to person saying hello. They have such impeccible manners. It is so sweet.
It was so neat to see the delight on the girls' faces when they saw their gift bags. Mesai has had a birthday, but this was Gadisae's first gift. As the bags were handed to them she did not dive into hers. First, Mesai said, "What is this?" in her typical fashion. Gadisae watched Mesai to see what she would do and then followed suit in taking out the tissue paper in her bag.
Beautiful Bags
Oh Look!Click on the picture and look at Mesai's delight and Gadisae's thrill. Such a happy moment for Gadisae, especially, since she had not opened a gift before!
Mrs. V. Showing the Girls Their Gifts
The girls received the most cozy, beautiful pajamas, and then discovered something else. What could it be? Mrs. V. had thoughtfully and patiently searched for weeks to find the girls' music boxes! When they opened it it was the most amazing thing. It was the epitomy of a little girl's gift. Every little girl should have a music box. What an amazing keepsake!
But that was not all! Within the music boxes each of the girls had an exquisite, tiny, silver bracelet engraved with their names! So beautiful!
Enjoying the Beautiful Butterfly DancingWhen the girls went to bed they had a chance to play their music boxes as they went to sleep.
We were very touched by the thoughtfulness of this welcome. And not only did they think of the girls, but Mrs. V. and her daughter Penny, also brought the boys a wonderful filled box of cookies!! Oh, and you should see the decorating! Who could eat these works of art? Well, actually, I did, and so did the rest of the family. They will probably be gone by tomorrow! *laugh* They were so tasty. But seriously! If you could see the pitiful cookies that are decorated at my house.... *grin*
Unfortunately, Mr. V, and his grandson, Tyler, left to get gas right before I took this picture. So they are not in the photo.
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