Beware of the Blogger Camera

Don't ever think of doing mindless, foolish things in my house. I will *always* without fail manage to get to my camera and back before you unwrap the tinsel from your head!

Poor Cassidy is laughing because he knows he is doomed. Doomed to be seen wearing an icky green workshirt and bright red Christmas decoration on my blog!

 Don't say you weren't warned. You know I will always catch you!

 

Here he is trying desperately to unwind it before I get the pictures. 

 

Too Late. Got my pictures. haha

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Cassidy and Cooper Have a Birthday

It's that time again. My December boys had their birthday. Years ago, when I had a chance to decide if they should share a birthday because of an induced birth I decided against it. I thought they might resent it in years to come. I wish I had stuck with sharing it. They have always enjoyed having a birthday together. Once, when Cassidy turned 13, we had a solo party for him where his friends came over for a pizza and big guys birthday, but other than that they have been the best of brothers usually sharing a cake as well as a birthday.

 Cooper Wearing the Official Birthday Hat

 

 Cooper's Turn

 And Then Cassidy!!

Happy Birthday to my two big guys!! Hard to believe how fast Cooper is growing up. Makes me quite sad. You have always been a sweet and loving little boy. No wonder all the little girls pick you for their friend. You are kind and have such a protective nature!

And Cassidy you are moseying through your teenage years in a pleasant fashion. I love having your creative energy and your enthusiasm for all things that you try. I look forward to seeing what you do with your life!

I love you boys!
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Old Friends Reconnection

Years ago, when Cassidy was about seven years old we were friends, actually more of acquaintances with a family. They also homeschooled, but they only had two children. Their oldest was Cassidy's age. Oddly enough, he was Cassidy's 'twin'; both being born on the same day! Their other child was a wee little boy. Just a babe.

Time passed, they moved away, we moved on out of that homeschool group, and we didn't see each other for a long time. Then one day, this mum reconnected with me. Or at least she tried! For two years after the girls came home she tried. She was very patient! I was just keeping my head above water and really, honestly, not doing a ton of extra things. Just trying to get back into the swing of things with two extra children. Imagine having twin babies. I had two friends who did that. I barely saw them until their kids were two years old. They were just coping. I was much the same. Once I hit the one year mark it got much easier, but still not simple.

Now, life is normal. I can't imagine life without eight children. (smile) And then one day this mum and I tried again. We almost made it. Life happened and this time it wasn't me. (smile) A few more months went by and then we tried again. And made it. And the rest is history. What was I waiting for! (laugh)

We have had so many wonderful talks that only a mum of many, who homeschools, who has a multi-cultural family, who has big ones and little ones - could get! We have so many things in common, including, our good points and flaws.

It is such a blessing to have a friend who I can be downright honest with and know that I will not be judged. Instead, we share our weaknesses only to help the other one up. Many times she or I will share a situation and the other knows how to handle it because they are dealing with the same thing. Or perhaps, we know what to do, but know how *hard* it is to do that thing we must do, so we can commiserate and be *real*. Noone is listening but us. Noone is judging.

I am very thankful for my new *friend* Chelsea and all that she has brought to my life. Her wisdom, her kindness, her strength, her laughter, her gentle corrections, her comfortableness in my home! I hope you can all find someone that gets *you* and is on the same journey you are one. Because I can tell you they are about the only person who doesn't mind you waking them up at 7:47 am with a critical question about a situation that is going on *right now and I need advice!* (laugh) Yes, we have done that to each other. We now know to answer each other's crisis calls right away, because many times it helps us make the right decision versus what we might have instead reacted like!

Not to mention, when you have six kids, or eight, like me, and are both stay-at-home mums on a tight budget, it is really nice when your kids meet someone else that eats oatmeal many mornings a week! (laugh)

Here are some fun pictures we had when the kids came over for an impromptu birthday party for Cooper, Cassidy, and Ben.

 

 Who Needs a Schoolyard. 

Between us we have fourteen children! What fun they had! There was a friend for everyone! Cassidy and Ben shared a birthday. Austin had his friend, D., the girls had A, who was just their age, Cooper had a new friend, just a year younger, L., and Briton had little M. And then we can't forget sweet little Baby O, who had noone his age. :o)

 Kids Doing Lunch Clean-Up

 

I just want to add a somber note to the end of this email. I heard from a friend this morning that she has closed down her blog. This mum was real. She told it as it was. But someone felt she was not doing the job right, so they called Family Services on her, and now her family is going through turmoil. 

This is so unfair. Unless you are an adoptive mum or dad, you will never know the challenges that a family faces. You will also never know the love a mum feels for an adopted child, while *still* going through the ups and downs and twists and turns of transitioning a child from another family and / or culture into your family. It is an adjustment for everyone and it takes time. It is not always easy. But we are all in it for the long haul because we love our kids - all of them. 

So please, when you read someone's story and they are sharing, remember that you are not hearing the whole story. You are hearing a piece of it. Don't judge them from a sentence or two, or even a paragraph or page. Get to know the real people. And usually in Blog Land we don't get that opportunity. I am very thankful, though, that I do have a chance to connect with a few of the real people out there.

Also, blogs have become somewhere that people share with other adoptive families, because we all need support. I can't tell you how helpful the blogs are that are very honest. The ones that sugarcoat things don't do anything for me. I don't read them anymore. I want the nuts and bolts, the meat and potatoes. It is those blogs and those people being real that has moved me along the most in my adoption journey. 

And my journey is about becoming the best mum I can be to my adopted girls. Do I know what it feels like to be in their shoes? Absolutely not. So I do the best I can learning and gleaning from others who are also on the same path, while reaching out to others in the hopes that what I learn can help others.

This is one of the main reasons I have considered and am still considering going private. My children and family are the most important thing to me. The only reason for staying public was to be a source of information for those that follow, like the ones that have helped me. 

Just before I talked about going private some weeks ago,  I had heard of a family in the States that had their kids taken away because of her sharing on her blog. I have read some of this woman's blog. She is another one that is real. And real is not always pretty! It can be downright ugly. 

But you know what? When we stepped into adoption we had no clue. We had been to the seminars and been told 'all the right stuff' like attachment and open adoption, and fetal alcohol syndrome, but we had not learned about ages being wrong, brains being damaged by trauma related injuries, and so many things that International Adoption can bring. 

So is it worth it? To leave a blog public to help strangers, when the very same strangers can hurt? I don't know. I am still thinking about it. I don't have anything to hide, but then neither did my friend who was called on by Family Services. 

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Cassidy the Baker

I don't think I posted on this before. But if I did - oh, well. Cassidy is such a well-rounded kid! He likes to bake, play hockey, knit, build forts, play chess, read voraciously, wants to learn to sew and try cross-stitch. He will do anything and everything.

Scrapwood, lock, nail: Goal Box

(What is a goal box? In this box Cassidy plans to put all of his completed goals. That right there tells you what he is like!)

He will make a good husband one day!

One of the things he always likes to do is bake cakes for birthdays. Now, given the fact that I do not like doing birthdays. Hey, I never said I was perfect! Far from it! And doing birthdays and decorating for Christmas is NOT FUN!

One day I might get him a cake decorating course, so he could do more than just ice the cake.

 Putting Candles on the Cake

 

Happy Birthday, Dad!

 Anticipation

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Getting to Camp One Verse at a Time

Sending our children to camp is a wonderful, but expensive summer activity. It is about $300 per child, and so we have not sent them each year. Cassidy has been a couple times, Austin went twice when we were in Ethiopia, and Dane has been once. Going this year was out of the question because we just didn't (don't) have the money. I have even had to cancel three road trip excursions that I was going to make.

Then something happened. Two of my children were dealing with a sin issue. This was something that really needed to be addressed. We had been addressing it, but it was not going away. Then I had the idea to give them a passage from the Bible to memorize. Now you have to know my children and memory work to appreciate this story. I have tried, tried, tried to get them to memorize a verse at a time.

Last fall, the children worked on verses as a group. No good. No one really learned. I did have Austin work with the kids and get them to learn a couple, but that was it. I figured there must have been something wrong with my children. Others learn, why can't mine!

But in desperation I gave the passage Exodus 20: 1-20 to two children - a big and a small one. In no time at all they had both learned it.

I realized then that I had something. These two children had shown me they could memorize passages. Perhaps the key was that they were on their own working on it. So I decided to give it to the other two. I now had Cassidy, Austin, Cooper and Raine memorizing this passage.

What I did was buy them each a notebook from the dollar store. Each different. Each attractive to that child. I then gave them a version of the Bible that I felt was good for them: International Children's Version. It is very readable and simple to memorize, yet true to the original meaning.

They each sat down and wrote out the passage. Some wrote the whole thing out. Others wrote out what they were going to memorize that day. The ones that were more proficient would memorize 3 verses a day and the ones that struggled memorized 2 verses. It proved to be quite painless for them all! They would spend about 15 minutes writing out the verse and about 30-60 minutes practicing.

It became a routine. During quiet time, while doing dishes, mowing the lawn, having a shower, walking through *stores*, I would hear children quoting their verses. It was absolutely wonderful! One day, I drove to the town near me and on the way there it was remarkable. All the children had their verse books and they were all on different parts of their passages. I had Cassidy's verse book in the front and he and I were both using it. I could just imagine God looking down from heaven and seeing this car where five voices were simultaneously practicing the Word of God quietly to themselves. I have to say it was the best moment in all our memorization for me!

I then had an older child do something that was upsetting. I was reading my Bible one night looking for a word of comfort/direction/guidance. I came to Psalm 119. In this verse it says: What can a young man do to cleanse his ways...

This was perfect. I continued reading and loved what I was reading. It was relevant to all of us. So I added this to our list. We had already conquered The Ten Commandments. Why not this one?

During the course of memorizing this passage I remembered that a Bible Camp in the Interior of our province had a deal where the child could memorize himself to camp. For every 20 verses a child could have a day at camp for free.

I decided to call up the camp and see if the ones our children had already done would be accepted, since they were not on the camp list. They were thrilled to hear the children were memorizing and said, Certainly!

I printed out the required verses and put them in plastic page protectors. The children then copied them out verse by verse into their notebooks. Each day they were required to memorize 2-3 verses before their play began. I had no battles, no complaining, simply because it became something we did every day. Even Briton and Savannah began memorizing verses. Because they both have language problems, it is much harder for them, so they were not at the calibre of the older kids, but they did well!

By the time, Cassidy was ready for camp two months later, he had memorized 108 verses. He headed to camp and the Director picked up the verse book, chose a verse, and Cassidy spoke it out. He was very impressed with Cassidy. Cassidy's cost for camp? $67 (His memorization saved him nearly $250!) Not only that, but 108 verses are now hidden in his heart!

When it came time for Cooper to go to camp he was also ready. Before he went his dad said, "It'll be good if he can remember them." It was the funniest thing. I turned to Cooper and said, "Cooper, Exodus 20: 1-2"

Ray bust out laughing when Cooper proceeded to race through the passage. I then showed off a little more and kept on giving him passages, and passage after passage, Cooper did not fail. He was able to recite 106 verses.

At the end of it, Ray said, "They should start giving memory verses instead of spelling bees!"

I agree. I like spelling bees, but memory verses change the heart!

On the last days before camp, as Cooper was practicing his last verses, he would grin and say, "I'm so proud of myself." He wasn't being bigheaded; he was simply so amazed at himself, and he sure deserved to be. He is 7 years old and blew the socks off the Director at camp! His camp cost us $27!!

Reciting His Verses

Cooper's First Sleep Away Camp

Filthy Upon Pick Up Day!

Cooper's Book

Fat Little Book Full of God's Word
A Real Precious Keepsake

Austin was the third child to get to camp. He had extra weeks to do the work and so was able to keep on memorizing past where the other boys got to. He did the full 140 verses, and somehow ended up with 2 extra. He recited his verse for the Director and earned his admiration, FREE CAMP, plus $13 tuck money for all of his hard work.

The Director told me each time I dropped off the children how our family had blessed him and inspired him by the fact that they had earned their way to camp. Truly, we were blessed. Those children could have taken a Campership, but I really don't feel that we could. That just wasn't an option. We are building a house. We have made that a priority financially. But there is no reason the children couldn't *earn* their way to camp. And truly, they spent a good hour or two a day working on their verses, and so they really did earn their way to camp. And I really think that is the *best* way to get to camp! They get camp and hide God's Word in their hearts.

Tom said the verses would be up on the website by November. I asked him if he could please put them up sooner, so we could get on with memorizing in September, rather than cramming in May - July. By the time I dropped off Austin at camp (August) he had already printed out the sheet. Let the memorizing begin!
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Harambee - Day 3 - Monday

The day began with the parents meeting. Following this our children ages 2-7 had a drumming workshop with a wonderful West African man named Fana Soro. They spent 45 minutes learning some wonderful drumming, singing, and rhythm. It was amazing how they listened and learned and were able to follow his music and then repeat it after him.

Being Taught to Be HAPPY While Drumming

After this was done we headed to the gum for a West African Dance Workshop with the Miyanda girls. These girls are amazing! Their group was birthed from a class about seven years ago. Fana, the drum teacher, is also the leader of the Miyanda girls. Two of his daughters are in this class. Apparently, they did so well that this group has now made many appearances. They are heading to Scotland for a tour sometime this year. All our children, except for Cassidy participated in this class.


Our days are incredibly full and I am run off my feet. I could choose to do nothing, but that is not for me! I have an opportunity here for my children to break into different age brackets and have the chance to learn African dancing, drumming, and music. Why would I not jump for that?


Each day there are two attachment therapy sessions. Since I have kids in both age groups I end up in therapy for three hours a day! But oh, it is so worth it!!! I have parented for many years, but this is parenting that I have never heard before. And I can see it is just what makes the best sense.

I had heard that there was a lot of problems with biological kids not being properly attached to their parents, and it was due to the fact that society is not supportive of attachment: daycare, working parents, extra curricular activities, Nintendo, cell phones, chat rooms, MSN – all things that detract from an attachment with their parents and siblings.

When I attended this seminar it really showed exactly how it works and how it affects our own family, even though we do not do: daycare, working parent (s), too many extra curricular activities, very, very minor Nintendo, no cell phones, no chat rooms, and no MSA. And yet, there are many things that we do do that do not foster attachment. And we are just your typical family! Talk about enlightening!

While I have those sessions going on the Austi had his Marimba workshop. This is where they learn to play on these monster sized xylophones. They make beautiful music! The instructors would go around and teach each boy or girl their part and they would then be practicing as the teachers taught the next student.


As soon as this was over, Cassidy entered the classroom for his Marimba workshop. The classes are divided for 2-7 year olds, and then 8-12 year olds, and finally 13-18 years old. There is even a Parents only Marimba and I heard them play after one practice – un.be.liev.able! I should have taken the class and next year I think I will – when I have a husband here to see that my children get to each of their classes! It is pretty busy when you are the only one here and have children running in different directions all day, plus you are trying to get in three hours of therapy for yourself! Lol

Right after the Marimba classes Austin went on to a hip hop class. The neat thing is at the end of the week all of this work will pay off when they do a production.


In the middle of the day we were told there was an emergency parents meeting. I wondered if it was something bad, but was told it was something exciting. We all came wondering what on earth it could be. Then they told us the teens needed to be there, so we got our teenagers to join us.

And then they sprang the surprise on us. One of the coordinators had heard that Rihanna (sp) was going to be performing in Penticton, while we were at Harambee. People spoke to people and a few people made some big efforts, and they put out the request to Rihanna's people about the possibility of her donating tickets for our kids to be able to see her in concert.

At 11:00 am there was information that there might be a possibility. And then surprise of surprise, at about 12:00 noon that day there was a call from Rihanna’s people: they had 224 tickets for the Harambee group! Not only did they have tickets, they were floor tickets – tickets worth $168 plus tax each! Very generous!

One of Rihanna's People

For those that don’t know, Rihanna is a singer. My family do not know her because we don’t listen to much mainstream music. When I had heard that they might get tickets I knew I would have a decision to make. Do we go or not?

Well, when the meeting came together and the announcement was made and one of Rihanna’s ‘people’ showed up with the tickets, it was pretty exciting. And it was easy to get caught up in the hype.

We made the decision to go.

And then, a friend said, “You might like to check out the Utube videos of her concert and listen to what she sings." So I did. I had Cassidy and Austin watch and they made the decision on their own not to go.

Now, people may think they were coerced. But no. They have been raised to treat girls with respect and to view modesty as important. What they saw in her dress and the way she behaved on the stage did not make them comfortable.

And yes! It was a bit hard for my 11 year old to know that his friends were going, but then blessing of blessings, it turned out that both Cassidy and Austin’s friends weren’t allowed to go. We were not the only family that turned down the tickets (For us: about $1400 worth of seats). Other people who were not comfortable with their children going also stayed home.

But they ones that went said they had a marvelous time, and many said it opened up good discussions with their children. I am sure it did. As an ex-teenager myself (grin), it wasn’t easy to toss up the idea of the show that the concert turned out to be. But I knew that if I opened that door to that kind of music, I was opening the door to bringing it into the house.

Also, really every family is different, and everyone has to make their own choice. If my children were in the mainstream schools, my decision might well have been to go to the concert and use it as a teaching tool.

Each day is so full that I barely have time to sit down. Now I could make this a holiday of rest and relaxation with books, beach and deck chair, but really, why? I can do that anytime. This is the time to fill up with all these remarkable classes and experiences! And I am not doing that much really. It is just that I have children in all the age brackets and I do not want them to miss out on their opportunities!
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