Back on My Feet

When I was driving home yesterday from the Big City, I opened up a new CD I had bought. It was Wow 2011. The third song on the was What Faith Can Do. (the first song on the playlist down on the right hand side of my computer side bar). As I listened to the song, while driving through mountain passes, tears crept into my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

I have always claimed faith as my spiritual gift. This last week though, I have felt it pummelled. It has been hard. Two weeks ago, while discussing with a friend how many huge things had hit our family in the last two months, I said I didn't know what God was teaching me through it all, because I had not seen myself change in anyway. She had told me she was excited for me, because I would get to see what wonderful things God was going to do through it. Either by changing me spiritually or some other way, I would see God.

But really, I had not seen myself change in anyway. And then Monday I just reached the newest low. That was when I was a puddle on the floor. I can take pretty much anything, but when it involves my children it knocks me for a loop. The material things can all come and go, and I would go on. But when my son's fears, stresses, and hurts, wounded me so harshly, that crushed me beyond belief. It really is harder to parent grown-up children than little ones. The love I have for them is all the same, but the job is so different. That will be a post for another day! lol

So when I was driving home I heard these words and they spoke to me. It was like someone understanding and giving me a big hug.

I want to thank you all for your loving words. It is truly amazing how we make such friendships through something as unusual as a blog! Not only did I receive blessing by Comment, I also received emails and phone calls. So thank you for your support!!

When I arrived home yesterday it was not to relax much as I might have liked to! Regular life doesn't stop even if you want it to because you are dealing with bigger things. You still have to deal with the small stuff.

• I had to deal with two little children who had been lying. This seems to be something that I am working on with two children in particular. Don't lie around me. I am a ferret. I will get to the bottom of it. I was a child that lied. I detest lying. My children will grow up knowing that truth, trust, honour, honesty, and integrity are very, very important. But in the meantime, I could not let these situations slide. I do want my children to *ever* think that a lie is something that will be excused.  

•  I found out that my two smallest children had been naughty and could have been badly hurt. Thankfully, it happened when there was an adult in attendance. One little monkey had climbed to the top of the five foot tall dresser and then sat perched on top. He then decided he wanted to get down but didn't know how to do so. At this point, monkey number two, who is 2 years older, decided to 'help' him, by opening the dresser drawers so that he could climb down. 

Can you visualize what happened next? Yes. Imagine the weight now in the drawers hanging out of the cabinet. The cabinet begins to fall forward. Little monkey up on top of the 5' tall dresser takes a flying leap out of the way of the huge dresser and lands safely out of dangers way. His sister also jumped to safety, after trying in vain to stop the falling dresser from falling on its face. Neither child was injured in any way, but trust me, we talked when I got home!!!
The poor babysitters in the house had heard this almighty crash and went flying up the stairs to find what could have been a very tragic accident! Thank God for His angels that probably dragged my naughty little children out of the way! I think of the Three Little Kittens who lost their mittens when I think of those two...

Three little kittens they lost their mittens, and they began to cry,
"Oh mother dear, we sadly fear that we have lost our mittens."
"What! Lost your mittens, you naughty kittens!
Then you shall have no pie."
"Meeow, meeow, meeow, now we shall have no pie."

The three little kittens they found their mittens,
And they began to cry,
"Oh mother dear, see here, see here
For we have found our mittens."
"Put on your mittens, you silly kittens
And you shall have some pie"
"Meeow, meeow, meeow,
Now let us have some pie."

The three little kittens put on their mittens
And soon ate up the pie,
"Oh mother dear, we greatly fear
That we have soiled our mittens."
"What! soiled you mittens, you naughty kittens!"
Then they began to cry, "Meeow, meeow, meeow"
Then they began to sigh.
The three little kittens they washed their mittens
And hung them out to dry,

Yes, that is my two! lol

• I received a phone call from my mortgage company. That had to be dealt with.

 By now, I could feel the pressure mounting inside me. I could feel my hands beginning to shake and knew I needed to unload some pressure. It was the impending call to the mortgage company that was undoing me. I had Cassidy make me some camomile tea, and took my Bible in the office and just sat and prayed.

I then opened it to Isaiah 52:12 and 21, 22

I, even I, am he who comforts you and gives you all this joy. So what right have you to fear mere mortal men, who wither like the grass and disappear. 

But now listen to this, afflicted ones - full of troubles and in a stupor (but not from being drunk) - this is what the Lord says, the Lord your God cares for his people: "See, I take from your hands the terrible cup;



As I sat there I felt my shaking slow down, and a peace come over me. I knew that I had people praying for me. Why? Because even after I talked to the mortgage broker I was calm and relaxed. I was able to be with my children and not worry about this *impossible* situation we had going on. I watched some tv with the big boys and then headed to bed knowing that even if the worst came to the worst and they didn't advance us the money, God would help me to figure out how to pay the bills and continue the house. Even if I had to use a child for collateral I could do it! I certainly have enough of them! lol

Regarding the mortgage company the mistake was uncovered and it was clear what had happened. It was a combination of having a very nice, but disorganized mortgage broker, a new plan in our bank, and our thinking we understood something that obviously we really didn't.

So the short version is that sometime ago all the underwriters were let go in our Big City and all the dealings were to go through Toronto. There was one man that was not let go. He was given a job in Toronto. He worked his way up to second in command. Credit Manager.

For the last four days, my mortgage broker was working with her Rep, and they were arguing with the bank, stating that the formula they were using didn't make sense. It didn't. She told them that we had years of experience building houses and working with bankers on builders mortgages. This new method was outrageous and noone could build a house with it. They couldn't. Not unless they had all the money up front and then wanted a mortgage at the end. Who needs it then?

Well, the banks are getting scared. Houses are not getting finished, and builders are walking away leaving the banks holding the loan, so they have changed it to make us pay for most of it up front and then they will secure a mortgage once the house is finished. But that wouldn't help us! We couldn't finish it.

Our broker hadn't read the papers and understood this new change and so she didn't explain it to us, and we thought we understood it (but we were misunderstanding), so we had a huge, huge, mess.

Anyway, today, she called to tell me she had spent the last hour on the phone with this Credit Manager. He had decided he would make an Exception for us. He would take it back to the original way they did builders mortgages - the way we knew: multiply the amount they are loaning you by the percentage of work you have done on the house. We have done 42% of the building and so multiply 42% x the amount we are borrowing. A simple equation, but not the way they are now doing it.

We are so incredibly thankful to you all for praying. As I said, in absolute unbelief, to the mortgage broker: "It's a miracle!" She replied, "Yes, it is. But you always get miracles!"

This is a woman that has heard me share so many stories of God working in our lives, and she is in awe, but yet, sadly, she doesn't claim the God that is providing these miracles. It is always amazing to me when people watch my life in awe and speak of the faith that they *see* me show, and they tell me how miracles happen to *me*, and yet, they are afraid to take a chance on what I believe. They don't know what they are missing!

This is from the email she sent me later that day:

Thanks so much for your patience, Justine!!  You Have Faith!

I wish people like her, who claim to see miracles and wonderful things happening in my life, would take a chance and see if there really is a God that loves them. Not just a faceless, impersonal God, but a God that loves them individually and wants the very best for each of them. 

I feel like I might be at the end of my long list of burdens. I can see God's hand on each of them:

Car accident: 

• could have been so much worse
• got my van towed to our town when I had no 'Road star plus' which covers that 
• had two witnesses who saw the accident making it cut and dried
• the woman took immediate responsibility
• my van was not written off - $10,000 + but not a write-off
• I am covered for 12 deep muscle massages for stress 
• offered us a non-medical settlement that is very fair

Cooper's trip to Children's Hospital:

• all tests came out with no problems
• was able to get into the CT scan immediately
• Loving Gramma Rusty stepped in and took care of my children

 My husband's Gramma dying:

• Ray got a chance to visit his family and travel with his two brothers for one week
• Ray got the first days off that he has taken in over four months

 Very dysfunctional visitor turned our family upside down for a couple weeks.

• This caused my husband to reveal to me something I wasn't aware of: That the thing that he thought about the most was that the Bible says to take care of the widows and orphans. This has caused some real interesting thinking and action to take place in our home since that time. Soon there will be a post on that. Keep tuned in.

Discovered some of our children had been through something terrible.

•  Saw God's protective hand on them, as He revealed this to us.

Hubby lost his upcoming winter contract.

• My hubby has been freed up to work on our new home. Granted there is no money for bills. lol. but we can pay him very minimally for working on our home. This will increase our mortgage, but it does create work for him.

Terrifying teen crisis.

• God revealed something that needed to be addressed. 
• Our son's life was protected because of this.

 Wonderful house guest from Switzerland for three weeks.

• This showed me that I can, indeed, have a mother's helper. I thought I wouldn't like sharing my space, but this situation fell in our lap and it showed me how wonderful it could be. More on that later.

Small son experiencing strange flashes and shapes in vision for several weeks.

• While he was being seen for the bullet in the eye, a specialist happened to be in town that week, causing my worries to be laid somewhat to rest. 

 Same small son shot in the eye.

• His eye should have been pierced. These bullets are not toys. They travel at many feet second. 
• His vision has restored to normal

Mortgage company made huge mistake putting us at great risk.

• A Credit Manager decided to do us a huge kindness fixing the error we made.

 Son could have been killed.

• God protected him and he awoke before his car hit the oncoming car..

A personal crisis.

• This caused my hubby and I to make time to go out for a beautiful, intimate dinner and talk.

• At home we talked about deep important issues and it was so good.

An adoption situation.

•  Waiting to see the miracles from this one. You'll have to wait to... *smile*

Today, once the mortgage company called to tell me all was worked out I felt like I could just enjoy life again. My family is alive and well, my van is being repaired, my son is settling nicely into college, my little son is doing 'fine', our finances are being worked out. I can catch my breath until the next thing hits.

In the meantime, what did I learn?

That my faith didn't waver, but it did get shaken up. Did I question God? No. I just felt very overwhelmed by it all. I always knew that God would be with me, no matter what. Yes, he might have let our mortgage fail, but He would never leave me nor forsake me during that time. And He showed His presence in every other situation through the abnormal peace I felt in each situation.

I also felt the love of all my friends, when I got weak.

Thanks to all my friends. I feel almost ready for the next round. Almost. lol
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Feeling Rather Weak

I don't even know how to start. This is not about Cooper. I will update on that later. And thanks for praying regarding that!

This is about what feels like a barrage of attacks on our family over the last two months. Right now, I am so overwhelmed that I feel like crying myself into a puddle in the corner of the laundry room. Sounds pathetic, I know. SO many things have hit us so hard lately and this week takes the cake.


I am only sharing this so that I can beg you to pray for us. In this last week, I have had to:

deal with a car accident, and the shock and anxiety of driving again;


driving for five hours on a road trip that I didn't want to take;


taking my child to Children's Hospital to see why he is having problems with his vision - having to face a CT scan and having an unsolved mystery at the end;


having my husband's grandmother die - the very sad loss, and then the subsequent sending of him out of town for eight days,


while at the same time having to leave five children home alone. Not really alone, as we have a dear Gramma type staying some of the time with them and popping in and out through the day, but still something I have not done before;


then on top of all this we have a situation with our builders mortgage. A mistake was made by someone in power - either the broker or the money lender. Either way they have only advanced us 1/3 of the amount of our first draw. (Which should have been 42% of our mortgage amount). We have to pay our trades. There is no way we can move toward the second draw, if we do not receive the other 2/3. I do not know who is at fault. I do not care. I have no clue what to do. It is not our problem. But tomorrow I need to hear that they have solved the problem and the money will be advanced. It should have been advanced three weeks ago.


This last problem cropped up on Friday. I thought it would be resolved by today. I didn't know they were going to stand by the mistake and say 'oh well. that's the way it is.' We need it resolved.

A week ago, after I had already dealt with 2.5 months of huge hits (as I listed in a previous email) I wondered what God was teaching me through it all. I was confident in my faith. Still I was looking to see what He was teaching me.

Today, I feel like Job. But I feel so much weaker than Job. Today, I think how much more can I take? It wasn't just business today. (ICBC and mortgage) Today, I dealt with my small son's health; my mortgage company called me at 7:00 pm; and in the late afternoon I took an attack (verbal) from my oldest son. Where!! did that come from??? I was crushed.

So, please, if you are my friends, can you pray for me? I feel like there was one big thing at a time hitting our family, but there was time to absorb the blows. Right now, this week, it is multiple times a *day* that the hits are coming.

Please, please, pray for God's will in our mortgage mess, and for *me* to have the strength to stand strong in my faith. My faith doesn't waver, but my emotional state is rather soggy right now. :o/

Thanks friends.

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Praising God For His Divine Protection - Edited

 Trying to get back into posting. Believe it or not, for the first time in a *long time* I am fighting off a panic attack. It is not related to blogging. There has been *so much* stress around here for the last 2.5 months. And right now it is related to cars. More on that later. So what has been going on around here for the last 2.5 months?

1. Very dysfunctional visitor turned our family upside down for a couple weeks.
2. Discovered some of our children had been through something terrible.
3. Hubby lost his upcoming winter contract.
4. Construction bills (not our house) way over cost during financial hard times.
5. Terrifying teen crisis.
6. Wonderful house guest from Switzerland for three weeks.
7. Small son experiencing strange flashes and shapes in vision for several weeks.
8. Same small son shot in the eye.
9. Personal crisis.
10. Mortgage company made huge mistake putting us at great risk.
11. Son could have been killed.
12. Family in car accident.
13. An adoption situation.

So where do I start?

Well, let's begin with my oldest son:

After three and a half months of my oldest son, Colt, being home, it was time for him to leave again. He was heading out into the world of higher education. To be exact: BCIT - a technology institute, where he is studying to become an aircraft maintenance engineer!

He headed to visit his girlfriend who lives 10 hours away from our home. He was with her for a week before he had to leave to head for his new home: The Big City.

I always want my children to call me when they leave somewhere, or arrive if they are leaving from here. This time he did not tell me he had left. At about 5:00 pm, my sister emailed to tell me that he was due anytime. I texted him to see where he was and didn't hear from him for a number of hours. Later that night, he texted me and told me he had arrived. He asked me:

Mum, can you thank God that I'm alive. I nearly didn't make it. It's a miracle I'm alive.

He had left bright and early and headed out. For some strange reason, at about noon, he fell asleep at the wheel. When he woke up he was in the opposite lane, about 100 feet from an oncoming line of track. There was a full-size pickup trucking heading directly at him. He said both he and the other driver pulled hard to their right, with screeching tires. A mere three feet separated them when they passed!

Praise God for His protection! I am so very thankful - what inadequate words - that my son is alive and well today! Our children have been raised seeing me pray before we drive. Often I will call on a child to pray for God's hand to be on us and other drivers. Many times we have forgotten, but God has shown himself to be faithful regardless. Our family has so many stories where we were protected from situations that could have been deathly. I am thankful to say that I have never been at fault, but things like broken brake lines, tie-rods falling off during long road trips, being mysteriously stopped on the side of the freeway just long enough to miss a fatal car accident just miles up the road.... So many situations where we have been protected! God is faithful!

His protection continues....

Last Tuesday I headed to a town a couple hours from where we live. I was taking two of my children to a paediatrician. I had three children with me. Two more had wanted to come with me. I had said no. I am very thankful I did. If I had brought two more, I would have brought the third one, putting six children in my van. If I had done that I might not have brought six home with me. Just writing that gives me chills. But it is true.

When we had our sixth child we looked into buying a 15 passenger van. I really wanted one. I did research and the only information I got was that they were known to flip upon accidents and roll, crushing the back of the vehicle. They were not built as passenger vehicles, but rather, as transport vans, with added seats. We put the idea aside and bought an Astro van.

We then added two more children, bringing our number to eight children - ten people in an 8 seater vehicle. We didn't fit. For the next two years we managed by driving two vehicles. Twice during this time I investigated the Sprinter (too expensive) and the 15 passenger (nothing new - risk of rolling and crushing). Once again, we postponed buying a new car.

Finally, last fall, we bit the bullet. I did more research and read all I could on the vans and what the risks were:

• overloading
• seat belts not used
• under-inflated tires
• going too fast
• not paying attention to road conditions
• stopping too quickly

I called a dealer of vans. We had a long talk about the idea of buying a dually van. They sell beautiful adventure vans and I was seriously considering one of them. We would have had to fly to the States but I thought the six wheels would make it safer. Long and short of it, my long talks with different dealers who sold dual wheel vans, Chev and Ford 15 passenger vans, led me to feeling that a lot had to do with the driver.

Ray and I talked it through and we decided to do it. We would buy a 15 passenger Chev express. The Savanna and the Chev Express are both better than Ford as far as I can see. Why? They have done what they can to improve the passenger safety in the passenger part of the van. It is not just a box with seats. But more importantly they have added 'stabiltrak'

According to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, they estimate that nearly 10,000 deadly wrecks could be prevented yearly if electronic stabilization technology was used on every vehicle. GM and Chevy are working to that end.

What is StabiliTrak? That’s the same question I had, and I expected some answer that I couldn’t readily comprehend, something that went way over my head, not so much.

StabiliTrak is a fairly simple concept to grasp, it measures the difference between the steering wheel angle and the direction the vehicle is actually turning. Then it checks the steering wheel position, sideways force, the speed of the vehicle, and its response to the steering wheel to apply braking forces and/or change the torque of your engine to help keep you safe and on the road.

Once I had the van, I became *very* careful to follow the safety precautions that I had put in place for myself: when I have driven over 500 km, I always get the tire pressure checked; I stay near 80 km an hour, and yes, that means I do have to pull over when I get a line-up behind me; my kids *always* have seat-belts, and for me that means five in car seats! Last, but not least, I do not overload.

At Christmas, when I told my brother how I was going to be with it, he thought I was being paranoid. My kids are worth it! I love, love, love my van, but it could also be a death-trap. Treat it with respect!

Five minutes after I entered the freeway on November 1st, something very surreal happened. I was traveling in the right hand lane, probably at around 80 km. Thank God I usually follow my own rule about speed, and trust me, I will be much more vigilant about watching my speedometer in the future! There was noone coming towards me.

All of a sudden, I noticed a car turning from the lane on my right - the merging exit en-ramp. She was only about 100 feet in front of me, and honestly, I have no memory of telling myself how to react. I simply reacted, and I know God was with me because we are here to tell the story today!

What I do remember is that she was turning *across* me as if she were turning in a parking lot, so that instead of traveling parallel to me, she was suddenly running perpendicular to me. If I carried on straight, I would drive right through her driver's door. Not that I thought this. Not til later. No, I simply swerved carefully to the left and according to the kids I braked. I have no memory of planning that. But I do know that my braking was relatively gentle. A hard brake would flip my van.

I remember when I first got the van I had an incident where something frightening happened twice. Once, I was driving down the freeway, and then I saw a car passing another car as it was coming towards me. There was no way I could drive straight. I had to swerve to the edge of the road. That freaked me out. It wasn't a hard swerve, but the kids in the back told me it fishtailed. For the next while, I had the kids monitor what movement caused what level of movement in the back. I was determined that I would *know* my vehicle, since that was one of the things I was told. Another day, I was on a quiet road and there before me was a *semi* casually driving down my side of the road. Again, I had to swerve to the right. This had *never* happened in my other vans! Perhaps it was God preparing me for what was to come?

So, on the day of the accident, I just handled it. I swerved to the left, felt the other vehicle make contact with Savannah's side of the van, and then the impact seemed to go on for a while, and then I was swerving in front of van, back to the right hand side of the freeway. I could feel myself bumping across the road. I came to a gentle stop. Truly, I wonder if it is a miracle that the accident was quite so 'gentle'?

I have a friend who was in a near fatal (should have been fatal) car accident. Hit on the freeway, rolled three times, end to end, landed upside down. Each member of the car (four of them) stated the same thing: it felt like they had landed on marshmallows.

Well, I can tell you, my car did swerve, but it felt controlled. It did not careen wildly all over the road, and it did come to a gentle stop. And not one child cried. Noone but me. lol Well, not at first, but I nearly cried later from the shock of what happened.

As I sat there in my car, in shock that I had just had a car accident, a man appeared at my window.

I asked him if he was the one that hit me. He said he didn't. He had witnessed it and was from a nearby town. The woman that hit my van arrived shortly after at my window. The only thing I said to the woman was to let her know that her hitting this van was the worst thing she could have done because it had such a history of rolling over. The poor woman probably felt bad enough, but honestly, at that moment, I was in shock realizing that my worst nightmare had happened! I had been hit and I had *not* rolled over!! I hadn't even gotten out to see the damage yet.

I suddenly realized I had to call 911 - again, seriously, where did that thought come from? It's not like I have ever been in a car accident before!!

I dialed, the officer answered, and as she asked: Fire, Ambulance or Police? I didn't even hear her. I simply barreled quite incoherently right over her words and said, My car has been hit on the freeway and I have three children in the car!

She very calmly and 'nicely' (ha!) told me that was Fine, just exchange insurance papers with the person who hit you. I must have reacted pretty much like I was saying: Are you nuts? Someone just hit my car. I can't do that. I don't know what to do! I've never been in an accident before! I need the police to come here!!

I didn't use so many words, (pretty close though!) but apparently she got the message because shortly after I got them all: Fire, Ambulance, and Police! lol Complete with sirens blasting. Quite the field trip for my children, who, btw, were doing remarkably well. Not a tear. Nothing!

My eleven year old son took my camera and got good shots, since he knows I have a blog, but more I think because he wants to start his own blog, and he figured it would be a great first post! lol

Stressed Out Mother Calling Her Dad

"Dad, I need your help!" Second call I made after calling the police. I am sure those were not reassuring words to a dad that had just heard from his daughter an hour ago, knowing she was out of town, and having just told her to 'drive safe' when she drove home!

Nice Fireman Checking Out the Kids

The side door couldn't open, so he had to climb into the front to chat with them. Cute kids!!! He told me. Aren't they cute? He said to the rest of the crew that piled around the open back and front.

One of the Witnesses

I sat in the vehicle for what seemed like ages before I realized I should probably see what damage was done to my van. Funny how shock works! I mean, seriously, normally I would have just hopped out and looked, but it didn't even occur to me to go look! lol

When I got out and walked around another man appeared and handed me his business card. I was in a bit of la-la land right then. What was he giving me his business card for? Was he offering to fix my van? Seriously, that is what I thought! lol

I saw my van and was floored! I had no clue I had been hit that hard. I knew I was hit, but I was expecting *one* spot, not the entire side of my van to have been wiped down!!


She had even done the worst possible thing: she had ripped a hole in my tire!!!! One of the main reasons for the vehicle flipping is having a tire blow-out. Oh, my, goodness!

The good thing that has come of this is that I know that God truly has us in the palm of His hand! Twenty-four years driving and never had an accident, and it has to happen in the *very* vehicle I don't it *ever* to happen in. And He carried us through!

The police officer was great. I had no clue what to do! Seriously, there were so many people but they expected me to know what to do. I don't think they realized how in shock I was! Or how inexperienced at accidents I was! lol

A mechanic, a tow truck driver, two witnesses, the woman, police, ambulance, fire - all there. And they were asking *me* what I wanted to do. How did *I* know? I asked if I changed the tire, could I drive it home? They seemed to be about to let me. Then I asked: What would you do if it were your wife? To which they both said: Tow it. Well, thanks! lol Why didn't you *tell* me I wasn't safe to drive it?

Then I said, What do *I* do once my car is towed? They looked unsure. Get a ride? Hello? I am from hours away from here! lol I think they need to realize that shock can really confuse a person and make them not able to make sane decisions or even know *what* to do!! But they missed that cause I looked like I was coping. Mind you, I sure was shaking!

So then I asked the police officer if we could have a ride to McDonalds Play Place. I called my dad and he drove out to our land to get Ray, so Ray could come and get me. If my mind were about me I would have called Rusty, my good friend, who lives 10 minutes from the land, rather than my dad, who lives an hour from our land!! lol

Did you know cops listen to their music loud? lol Our cop likes rock music. He very kindly packed my boxes of shopping in the back of his truck and the children hopped into the back seat. Of course, by now, I had my camera and was taking shots for the blog. I knew my audience would love to be part of the adventure! lol

Our children had just last week been to the police station on a field trip. They had had to share looking in the squad car with a ton of other kids. This time they actually got a real ride. If I was myself I would have asked him to use the lights and siren. Darn! Missed the chance!

He dropped us at McDonald's where we proceeded to spend the next *three hours* until Ray picked us up.

Upon arrival I stopped with the children to pray and thank God for his protectin during the accident. I was still rather shaken up. It was quite hard for me to believe that it had really happened, and that the worst had not happened. After I had prayed, I suddenly had a strong, overwhelming feeling of revelation and thankfulness. Thankfulness for something I had not thought of before. I suddenly realized that if I had not swerved to the left there was a *very* strong chance that the woman that had hit me would not have walked away from the accident. As I drove down the highway, my car was aimed directly for her driver's door. With the speed of an oncoming vehicle, the angle of her car, and the weight of my van, this woman would most likely have been killed. This changed from whole perspective from 'this woman wrecked my van and could have killed my family', to being ' Thank God she is still alive!'

Something else - I am so very thankful that I stood strong and did not buy a Ford. When you read the words up above about the Stabiltrak you will see that I was hit with a sideways force just like the kind they refer to!!! I can only imagine what might have happened if we had not had a Chev Express or Savanna van!!

StabiliTrak is a fairly simple concept to grasp, it measures the difference between the steering wheel angle and the direction the vehicle is actually turning. Then it checks the steering wheel position, sideways force, the speed of the vehicle, and its response to the steering wheel to apply braking forces and/or change the torque of your engine to help keep you safe and on the road.

Enjoying Dinner

Savannah Watching TV; Raine and Austin: Workbooks

Our Girls and Two Austins

Later on, our long stay was made more enjoyable when a young gramma and her grandson arrived. Apparently, she has a nephew who came home from Ethiopia just last Christmas! A small world!

When Ray picked me up and drove us home it was rather stressful. He drove at normal speed, but I kept my foot pressing through the floor boards. I made a comment to him, and he, not understanding said, "What do you want me to do, go 90?" Cause that was the speed limit and he was going 92 km. I said, NO! I want to you to go 30!! I want to WALK!

I had to drive 2 hours home after the accident and it wasn't too easy. To say the least!

That night I had a terrible sleep. I couldn't sleep, no matter how many natural sleep aids I took. I was thinking of the fact that in two weeks I would have to drive to the Big City and just the thought of it was freaking me out.

As the week went by, I got better.

I had no Loss of Use or Road Star on my insurance, which meant they would not tow the van home to repair it, nor would they cover a rental vehicle when it was being fixed. Well, God is good!! The adjustor heard that I had six children that had swimming lessons starting on Saturday in another town, plus one child that needed to go to Children's Hospital on the 14th, and that there was a seven passenger van at the body shop we had chosen, and she told me she had to make a phone call and would get back to me.

Ten minutes later, she called me to tell me she had authorized the overriding of the problems. I would have my van towed to our town (a few hours), plus she had authorized a rental van for our family, fully covered!! I am so thankful!!

I picked up the van on Friday and it might seem funny to you, but when I opened the door and got in I was not impressed. This van might as well have been a space ship. Seriously, I drive a Limo Van - That's what we call it - Our Limo. But our limo has Power Nothing - well, windows, sure, but that is about it. This has every button you can imagine! I had no clue how to even get this thing to start, use the windshield wipers, or lights!

I sat there for about 10 minutes trying to figure out how to get the wipers going before I finally went in and got some help. Driving home was fine.

Then came Saturday.....

I got the kids in the car. I was feeling the stress. I had someone else's car to drive. I had lost my confidence. And then...

the door would not shut!! ARRRGGHH!!

The kids were in. I was getting in. The side door would shut. Bing. Then slide open again. Someone would shut it. Slide shut. Bing. Slide open again.

"WHO TOUCHED WHAT?" I had threatened them all with death (not literally!) if they touched ANYTHING on this van - Did I want this responsibility? NO!!! And now the stupid door wouldn't stay shut. Who did it????
They all looked so innocent and promised they hadn't touched anything. Yeah, sure! (boys....)

I ran inside, called the bodyshop, found out that the man who answered the phone was only there for five minutes and was leaving. Once again, God saves the day! Someone was there just at the moment I needed him, or I would have missed the swimming lessons. The man knew what to do. Apparently, there was a button on the interior roof that could disarm the electronic doors. Done! The door shut. And we were off to swimming lessons.

I had no idea I would have mild anxiety while driving. I had to pull over at one point and walk around the car to get fresh air. My head was reacting funny.

I got to town, did our swimming lessons, all was well, and then I left to do shopping. Only a couple stops, but I could feel that I had to *be quick*. I had this need to get on the road and get home.

I could feel my muscles in my neck tightening, and I knew I had to get through my stuff quick and get going. I went into one store, shopped as quick as I could, and then, a little later, I felt a bit better, so I headed to Walmart.

Well, that didn't do so well. lol I told the kids we would be an hour. I wanted to be on the road at 5:00 pm, to be home for 6:00 pm.

We dashed (literally) into Walmart at 4:57, and I darted to the electronics department with six children running to keep up, asked some questions regarding computers, and then all of a sudden this NOISE started. It was like that horrible high-pitched noise microphones make when they are malfunctioning. It didn't stop. It kept on going and going and going, and I remember thinking: This is a great way to evacuate the store!

How much worse can it get? I am having a panic attack, and a store starts screaming at me. lol I knew I had to leave the store - now! As I was racing from the store, I thought to myself how funny this would be on my blog. Seriously, you got a crazy woman having a panic attack, running madly through Walmart not knowing if her children were even following her, but trusting they would help each other to keep up.

This noise kept screaming for the whole time it took to finish in the department, and even as we flew out the front door it was still going. At that moment, I realized Cassidy had thrown something in my cart. NO! I was not paying for it. Take it BACK. I'm leaving and if you want a ride, you better catch up!

I realized how insanely funny this situation looked like. Poor kids! Cassidy, running behind saying, I thought you said we would be in here an hour? That was seven minutes?

Yeah, well, I changed my mind.

The kids and I got to the car, got settled, and then waited for Cass. I was not waiting patiently. lol My wheels were turned to the entrance, and if he wanted a ride, he had better hurry! I knew I *had* to go to Staples because we have nothing in our town, and I needed to get school supplies. I ran in there with one child, and immediately felt a little less stressed. My anxiety slowed down, and the child and I did our shopping. Right before I left, I quickly grabbed some anxiety food: Coke and Toffifee. I knew if the anxiety returned this would help.


I figured if I had comfort food I might make it home. Well, it was a good plan. I gave each child one Toffifee, and then every 5-10 km I ate one myself, while slugging down Coke.

By the time I was about 10 km from home, Cassidy asked me if my anxiety was gone yet. I asked him why he asked? Because you have finished your chocolates.

Yep, I was feeling better. lol

Now, I am asking you to pray for me. I have to drive that same drive next Saturday for swimming lessons, and then the following day I have to drive five hours to the Big City. I have to keep Cooper up til midnight that night, so that his brain will be tired, then I have to have him up at 5:00 am the next morning, and then I have to drive right into the Big City at rush hour time, to be at Children's Hospital for 9:00 am. That means I am maneuvering this *feather* (as this vehicle feels!) around in serious traffic, when I would rather just stay home, until this stress leaves my system. I then have to turn around and drive 5 hours home again a day or so later. So please pray for me to relax. Cause tonight I felt that anxiety again, and I have not felt anxiety since the girls came home.
And I would suggest you pray when you drive. It truly has saved us from many situations! And maybe more that we don't know about!

Oh, and the van will be 19 business days to fix. Praise God, it was not a write-off. It will be about $10,000 to fix, plus the cost of the rental car, so we are very thankful that they are fixing it. It was not an easy one to find. Most of them are like ugly white transport trucks. Mine is a classy one. grin

And *that* is the end of the saga. At least for now.

BTW- if you want me to have the energy to blog (and I really do love to blog when I know I have readers) then *please* do drop comments. They inspire me to write. And considering how many comments I got privately, I know you are out there! lol So please, do comment and I will respond with posts. smile
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