Back on My Feet

When I was driving home yesterday from the Big City, I opened up a new CD I had bought. It was Wow 2011. The third song on the was What Faith Can Do. (the first song on the playlist down on the right hand side of my computer side bar). As I listened to the song, while driving through mountain passes, tears crept into my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

I have always claimed faith as my spiritual gift. This last week though, I have felt it pummelled. It has been hard. Two weeks ago, while discussing with a friend how many huge things had hit our family in the last two months, I said I didn't know what God was teaching me through it all, because I had not seen myself change in anyway. She had told me she was excited for me, because I would get to see what wonderful things God was going to do through it. Either by changing me spiritually or some other way, I would see God.

But really, I had not seen myself change in anyway. And then Monday I just reached the newest low. That was when I was a puddle on the floor. I can take pretty much anything, but when it involves my children it knocks me for a loop. The material things can all come and go, and I would go on. But when my son's fears, stresses, and hurts, wounded me so harshly, that crushed me beyond belief. It really is harder to parent grown-up children than little ones. The love I have for them is all the same, but the job is so different. That will be a post for another day! lol

So when I was driving home I heard these words and they spoke to me. It was like someone understanding and giving me a big hug.

I want to thank you all for your loving words. It is truly amazing how we make such friendships through something as unusual as a blog! Not only did I receive blessing by Comment, I also received emails and phone calls. So thank you for your support!!

When I arrived home yesterday it was not to relax much as I might have liked to! Regular life doesn't stop even if you want it to because you are dealing with bigger things. You still have to deal with the small stuff.

• I had to deal with two little children who had been lying. This seems to be something that I am working on with two children in particular. Don't lie around me. I am a ferret. I will get to the bottom of it. I was a child that lied. I detest lying. My children will grow up knowing that truth, trust, honour, honesty, and integrity are very, very important. But in the meantime, I could not let these situations slide. I do want my children to *ever* think that a lie is something that will be excused.  

•  I found out that my two smallest children had been naughty and could have been badly hurt. Thankfully, it happened when there was an adult in attendance. One little monkey had climbed to the top of the five foot tall dresser and then sat perched on top. He then decided he wanted to get down but didn't know how to do so. At this point, monkey number two, who is 2 years older, decided to 'help' him, by opening the dresser drawers so that he could climb down. 

Can you visualize what happened next? Yes. Imagine the weight now in the drawers hanging out of the cabinet. The cabinet begins to fall forward. Little monkey up on top of the 5' tall dresser takes a flying leap out of the way of the huge dresser and lands safely out of dangers way. His sister also jumped to safety, after trying in vain to stop the falling dresser from falling on its face. Neither child was injured in any way, but trust me, we talked when I got home!!!
The poor babysitters in the house had heard this almighty crash and went flying up the stairs to find what could have been a very tragic accident! Thank God for His angels that probably dragged my naughty little children out of the way! I think of the Three Little Kittens who lost their mittens when I think of those two...

Three little kittens they lost their mittens, and they began to cry,
"Oh mother dear, we sadly fear that we have lost our mittens."
"What! Lost your mittens, you naughty kittens!
Then you shall have no pie."
"Meeow, meeow, meeow, now we shall have no pie."

The three little kittens they found their mittens,
And they began to cry,
"Oh mother dear, see here, see here
For we have found our mittens."
"Put on your mittens, you silly kittens
And you shall have some pie"
"Meeow, meeow, meeow,
Now let us have some pie."

The three little kittens put on their mittens
And soon ate up the pie,
"Oh mother dear, we greatly fear
That we have soiled our mittens."
"What! soiled you mittens, you naughty kittens!"
Then they began to cry, "Meeow, meeow, meeow"
Then they began to sigh.
The three little kittens they washed their mittens
And hung them out to dry,

Yes, that is my two! lol

• I received a phone call from my mortgage company. That had to be dealt with.

 By now, I could feel the pressure mounting inside me. I could feel my hands beginning to shake and knew I needed to unload some pressure. It was the impending call to the mortgage company that was undoing me. I had Cassidy make me some camomile tea, and took my Bible in the office and just sat and prayed.

I then opened it to Isaiah 52:12 and 21, 22

I, even I, am he who comforts you and gives you all this joy. So what right have you to fear mere mortal men, who wither like the grass and disappear. 

But now listen to this, afflicted ones - full of troubles and in a stupor (but not from being drunk) - this is what the Lord says, the Lord your God cares for his people: "See, I take from your hands the terrible cup;



As I sat there I felt my shaking slow down, and a peace come over me. I knew that I had people praying for me. Why? Because even after I talked to the mortgage broker I was calm and relaxed. I was able to be with my children and not worry about this *impossible* situation we had going on. I watched some tv with the big boys and then headed to bed knowing that even if the worst came to the worst and they didn't advance us the money, God would help me to figure out how to pay the bills and continue the house. Even if I had to use a child for collateral I could do it! I certainly have enough of them! lol

Regarding the mortgage company the mistake was uncovered and it was clear what had happened. It was a combination of having a very nice, but disorganized mortgage broker, a new plan in our bank, and our thinking we understood something that obviously we really didn't.

So the short version is that sometime ago all the underwriters were let go in our Big City and all the dealings were to go through Toronto. There was one man that was not let go. He was given a job in Toronto. He worked his way up to second in command. Credit Manager.

For the last four days, my mortgage broker was working with her Rep, and they were arguing with the bank, stating that the formula they were using didn't make sense. It didn't. She told them that we had years of experience building houses and working with bankers on builders mortgages. This new method was outrageous and noone could build a house with it. They couldn't. Not unless they had all the money up front and then wanted a mortgage at the end. Who needs it then?

Well, the banks are getting scared. Houses are not getting finished, and builders are walking away leaving the banks holding the loan, so they have changed it to make us pay for most of it up front and then they will secure a mortgage once the house is finished. But that wouldn't help us! We couldn't finish it.

Our broker hadn't read the papers and understood this new change and so she didn't explain it to us, and we thought we understood it (but we were misunderstanding), so we had a huge, huge, mess.

Anyway, today, she called to tell me she had spent the last hour on the phone with this Credit Manager. He had decided he would make an Exception for us. He would take it back to the original way they did builders mortgages - the way we knew: multiply the amount they are loaning you by the percentage of work you have done on the house. We have done 42% of the building and so multiply 42% x the amount we are borrowing. A simple equation, but not the way they are now doing it.

We are so incredibly thankful to you all for praying. As I said, in absolute unbelief, to the mortgage broker: "It's a miracle!" She replied, "Yes, it is. But you always get miracles!"

This is a woman that has heard me share so many stories of God working in our lives, and she is in awe, but yet, sadly, she doesn't claim the God that is providing these miracles. It is always amazing to me when people watch my life in awe and speak of the faith that they *see* me show, and they tell me how miracles happen to *me*, and yet, they are afraid to take a chance on what I believe. They don't know what they are missing!

This is from the email she sent me later that day:

Thanks so much for your patience, Justine!!  You Have Faith!

I wish people like her, who claim to see miracles and wonderful things happening in my life, would take a chance and see if there really is a God that loves them. Not just a faceless, impersonal God, but a God that loves them individually and wants the very best for each of them. 

I feel like I might be at the end of my long list of burdens. I can see God's hand on each of them:

Car accident: 

• could have been so much worse
• got my van towed to our town when I had no 'Road star plus' which covers that 
• had two witnesses who saw the accident making it cut and dried
• the woman took immediate responsibility
• my van was not written off - $10,000 + but not a write-off
• I am covered for 12 deep muscle massages for stress 
• offered us a non-medical settlement that is very fair

Cooper's trip to Children's Hospital:

• all tests came out with no problems
• was able to get into the CT scan immediately
• Loving Gramma Rusty stepped in and took care of my children

 My husband's Gramma dying:

• Ray got a chance to visit his family and travel with his two brothers for one week
• Ray got the first days off that he has taken in over four months

 Very dysfunctional visitor turned our family upside down for a couple weeks.

• This caused my husband to reveal to me something I wasn't aware of: That the thing that he thought about the most was that the Bible says to take care of the widows and orphans. This has caused some real interesting thinking and action to take place in our home since that time. Soon there will be a post on that. Keep tuned in.

Discovered some of our children had been through something terrible.

•  Saw God's protective hand on them, as He revealed this to us.

Hubby lost his upcoming winter contract.

• My hubby has been freed up to work on our new home. Granted there is no money for bills. lol. but we can pay him very minimally for working on our home. This will increase our mortgage, but it does create work for him.

Terrifying teen crisis.

• God revealed something that needed to be addressed. 
• Our son's life was protected because of this.

 Wonderful house guest from Switzerland for three weeks.

• This showed me that I can, indeed, have a mother's helper. I thought I wouldn't like sharing my space, but this situation fell in our lap and it showed me how wonderful it could be. More on that later.

Small son experiencing strange flashes and shapes in vision for several weeks.

• While he was being seen for the bullet in the eye, a specialist happened to be in town that week, causing my worries to be laid somewhat to rest. 

 Same small son shot in the eye.

• His eye should have been pierced. These bullets are not toys. They travel at many feet second. 
• His vision has restored to normal

Mortgage company made huge mistake putting us at great risk.

• A Credit Manager decided to do us a huge kindness fixing the error we made.

 Son could have been killed.

• God protected him and he awoke before his car hit the oncoming car..

A personal crisis.

• This caused my hubby and I to make time to go out for a beautiful, intimate dinner and talk.

• At home we talked about deep important issues and it was so good.

An adoption situation.

•  Waiting to see the miracles from this one. You'll have to wait to... *smile*

Today, once the mortgage company called to tell me all was worked out I felt like I could just enjoy life again. My family is alive and well, my van is being repaired, my son is settling nicely into college, my little son is doing 'fine', our finances are being worked out. I can catch my breath until the next thing hits.

In the meantime, what did I learn?

That my faith didn't waver, but it did get shaken up. Did I question God? No. I just felt very overwhelmed by it all. I always knew that God would be with me, no matter what. Yes, he might have let our mortgage fail, but He would never leave me nor forsake me during that time. And He showed His presence in every other situation through the abnormal peace I felt in each situation.

I also felt the love of all my friends, when I got weak.

Thanks to all my friends. I feel almost ready for the next round. Almost. lol
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Mehaber 2010 - part 2

Our Great Bunch of Children

The next day was jam-packed full of fun.

In the morning, the children played soccer against the dads, while the mums sat and chatted.


And then there were some crafts set up for the kids to do. They made yarn crafts and then did plaster of paris hand prints.



After this, we had lunch and then headed to the beach for the afternoon. Now that was wonderful! It was hot and the children just played, while we mums did some more socializing. The dads were great looking after the children in the water.

Briton and his special friend, Aden.


Briton found a frog and boy, did the children get excited!



Then they found another one. We had to work to convince them it was in the frog's best interest to be put back in the water.

Kalkidan asked Raine how many brothers and sisters she had. Raine told her eight. Kalkidan said, "That means EIGHT beds!!" Then Raine decided to show her each of the names and ages of her brothers and sisters. This is her counting them off.

This is my very favourite picture!! These six girls are three sets of siblings. They were all living at the Kidslink Transition House together in Ethiopia. There are a set of Savannah (Gadisae), Addis, Semegn, Raine (Mesay), Mekfira, and Kalkidan. They are all in the same age range of about 6-8 years old. This was the first time our girls saw them since we came home two years ago. We are so very fortunate that our girls were able to reconnect with these girls! And now it appears that our camp will become a yearly event, thus enabling them to see more of each other.

That evening we had a potluck barbeque.


Nicky made authentic Ethiopian coffee with popcorn, which is traditional in Ethiopia. I couldn't have any, unfortunately, as I can't guarantee when my heart will object to coffee and start dancing like crazy!


Cassidy was a big helper with the hamburgers and then the cleanup afterwards.

Austin had a little girl crush / boy crush encounter this weekend, that included all his little friends in the picture above, minus his sister, Raine. He learned how you can't 'like' one girl cause you break the heart of all your other girl friends. It was quickly patched up and they were all good *buddies* again. (smile)


Savannah loved this guitar. Brant, a very kind dad, owned it and appreciated that Savannah enjoyed playing it. He let her take it into the woods and sit and strum it. She must have sat at various times for a couple hours! When he and his wife left the following day, he gifted it to Savannah, since he was going to upgrade his guitar and he really appreciated her interest.


Two dads were giving out rides and Savannah was quick to voluteer for the scary experience. She loved it. Of course, I knew she would! (laugh) Oh, and they took her right over the top in a full circle!


Later that evening we congregated around the fire pit again.


More drumming and even a little dancing done by my own girl, Raine! She went a little wild when she heard the drumming. (smile)


The following morning we all packed up our cabins/tents/trailers and then some of us headed out to the Hippy Hole. This is a fabulous rock formation swimming hole that is a little walk from the campsite. You have to walk down a long very narrow path that drop down a steep cliff.


When we arrived we found that our older kids were already there with two of the dads and some of the girls.


There is a really high spot and Rekor, Semagn and Addis's dad decided to jump off there. Sadly, my camera missed the shot. Then the girls decided they would climb down the ladder and swim over to a little island. They did, brave girls! Then Cooper finally worked up his nerve to try. He wasn't being shown up by a girl! It was 'au natural' with all the kids doing it in their underwear, since it was an impromptu decision. Cooper had a little struggle with that but got over it quick enough, since the girls did it. (laugh)



He headed down the ladder and got to the bottom and decided it was too cold. He came back up and sat for a while. Soon he gathered his nerve and headed out again, not one to be outdone by the girls. This time he looked up at me to tell me it was cold! But he took the plunge, after a long think. (grin). I told Cassidy to stay nearby in case he got panicked. Cooper headed out and did just fine, but then he began to panic and so Cassidy plunged into the water and guided him to shore.
The rest of the kids decided they wouldn't do it this year. Maybe next time. I do think there were some regrets that they hadn't done it, but honestly, it was kind of scary and cold, so I don't blame them!

Right as we were leaving the children found a salamander in this puddle on the rock surface.

Heading back up the long, steep trail. The trail that gave my leg muscles an incredible workout!

Another View of the Hippy Hole

About an hour later we headed out. It was hard to say goodbye to new friends, but in a way it was not so hard because so many of them will be spending all or part of the next week at Harambee with us! So it was Au Revoir, instead of Good-Bye!

Until Next Week!

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Mehaber 2010 - part 1

"Look Mama! A tiger!!" And with those words our road trip began. We were stopping into Tim Hortons for the 'Road Trip Must Have' - an extra large decaf mocha, heavy on the hot chocolate, don't forget the whipped cream. Briton saw a shabby alley cat hanging out on the side of the hill and figured it was a tiger. Why not? Who says tigers don't live in our area? The day began a little later than it was supposed to, since we all slept in. I had planned to be on the road by 5 or 6:00 am, so we could be at our destination by 1:00 PM, but that didn't work out. I finished packing the van and then we were on our way. Once we were on the road - about 20 minutes from home - I realized I had left my directions at home on the kitchen table. We pulled over, used the cell phone and called Ray, only to find out he had already left for work. So we sat there and killed time, while waiting for him to drive home, find my directions and narrate them to me over the phone. Finally, we were back on the road and headed out to our most exciting weekend! We were on the way to MEHABER - TRUE COLOURS Adoption Camp. I had no idea what to expect, except for the fact that for the first time since bringing our girls home nearly two years ago, they would have little brown children to talk and play with! That was enough to make me heady! Unless you are a mum of a child of a different colour in a 99.9% white town (with a smattering of First Nations people), you might not understand how exciting it is when your children have a chance to see that there really are other people just like them in our country. Our drive was pretty uneventful, and after we made a few wrong turns we made it to our destination: When we arrived the first people I saw were two little girls that were identical in looks - I knew them. They were the ones that I was so excited for Raine to see. We have not had much opportunity for our girls to meet other children who lived in the their orphanage while they lived there, and these were two that had been there at the same time. Raine remembered them. We unpacked the van into our very nice deluxe cabin. It had six single bunks and then a single over a double. There was a wood fireplace for a cozy evening, plus fridge, hotplate, shower and bathroom! It would be a quite convenient stay! I unloaded the six bikes and then within a few minutes the children were off and riding around. It didn't take too long for the children to become fast friends. Before I knew it my boys were racing everywhere with the girls. They enjoyed having Cassidy to chase and tease. Other than about 3 tiny little boys, there were only girls at the camp! It was a good thing I brought my boys to even out the numbers. Then later on, a family arrived that included one boy. Cooper quickly made himself their new friend. They found him ever so friendly. He was just thrilled to have a new friend. In the meantime, Cassidy, being the only child over the age of 9 (outside of our family) found himself a little bored. Before too long though, the fun began when the girls decided to chase him and tie him to a tree! I told him, all little kids love it when a big kid will play with them. I had brought Briton's bike, but he was not interested in riding it. I knew he would have so much fun if he would just take the challenge and get on the bike and conquer the starting and stopping, and of course, the middle part - staying up. So I did what I never, ever, do! I bribed my son. I told him if he would ride the bike and learn how to stop and start I would give him a pop. At first, he said, "No fankyou." After a little while, Cassidy came to me and said to me, He says he would like chips. Oh, so now we are negotiating! We agreed on a deal and before I knew it he was working with Cassidy. You should have seen him. Such a determined little worker. But he was struggling. Then a new friend, Carrie, offered him to use her daughter's wee little bike. So he did and with that bike he got the hang of the starting and stopping. But he still needed to be able to use our bike, so Cassidy got him going and before I knew it, he was riding past me calling out to me. If you have seen him. There was a priceless moment when I was standing around with about five other parents, and Briton drives up behind us, gets off his bike and parks it with a bunch of other bikes. He then says kind of nonchalently, "I parked my bike," and I promise his shoulders pulled back, his chest puffed out and his head tilted back. He then walked off. He was such a proud guy. Yup, he might have just parked his mustang! You should have heard the group laugh - simultaneously. They all knew that he had just learned to ride his bike, and it showed in his face everytime he rode by. Too cute! We had hotdogs for dinner and sat around chatting and getting to know each other. We talked about all things interesting: Scalp fungus Parasites Attachment Name choices and changes Real ages Behaviours You know the typical talk for mums with international adoptions. Stuff that most wouldn't find interesting, but we find fascinating. We forgot to bring marshmallows and one kind dad was sharing his with other people's kids. Briton asked me if he could have a marshmallow. I told him I didn't have any, but if he went and sat by the kind man, he might get offered one. *grin*. Then Cassidy suggested he simply ask the man for a marshmallow. That nice daddy gave him one and then helped him blow out the fire when to caught fire. And then someone suggested we head down to the beach to check it out. It was a 3 km drive and why not! We were up for adventure. We headed down for a short visit and before we knew it most of the kids were into the lake with a couple great dads. These guys were having a great time keeping the kids entertained! After we got back from the lake we headed back to the firepit for some singing and drumming. Then all the children hit the sack around 11:00 PM, all worn out from a wonderful day of energy spent making new friends and rekindling old friendships. For me, I can't explain the incredibly warm feeling I got when I looked around the campsite. There were parents sitting or standing all over in groups of two or three or more - chatting, laughing, and getting to know each other. There were children darting around on bicycles, and on foot, chasing each other, laughing and squealing. There were little brown faces everywhere, and for once our girls knew what it felt like to be the majority, instead of the minority! As their mum, it just warmed me to the core, to know that once a year I have camping opportunities where they can meet up with friends and be like everyone else: brown, adopted, transracially adopted, and internationally adopted! What an amazing feeling! .