Love, Reign O'er Me, Rain on me.

It is 12:45 AM on January 1, 2011. I did not have an exciting New Year. Instead, I had a pleasant one. Our older boys headed to the ski hill for a night of tubing, bonfires, hotdogs, and hot chocolate with friends, and our middle sized boys spent a fun evening at the movies watching the newest in the Chronicles of Narnia, while the little four and I stayed home, had pizza and punch, and then finished our evening off with the movie The Secret Garden.

Once the little ones were all tucked up in bed, my hubby and I sat down to watch a movie. We browsed through a few looking for one that appealed for such a night as this. We settled on one that I thought was going to be funny given it had Adam Sandler in it. And with him you never know what kind of movie it will be. So I was forewarned and forearmed with another movie choice.

As soon as the beginning came up it stated it was an R movie. ICK. I don't do R movies. I then pulled out my trusty computer and went to pluggedinonline and did a check to see the content. I was surprised to see it was not to be a comedy, but actually a very profound drama.

Adam Sandler played the character, Charlie Fineman, a former dentist who lost his wife and three daughters in a plane crash in 9/11. His old college roommate spied him one day riding downtown New York on a motorized scooter. Alan Johnson, the friend, soon discovered that his old classmate was a shell of the man he used to be, having cut himself off from anyone who knew him in his former life, and having become an emotionless individual who played video games and renovated his kitchen every couple months.

It didn't take long for me to be swept up in this movie. Such a painful story, yet so necessary to watch, to understand what my daughter has been through. Yes, both my children have had a lot of loss, but one in particular, has endured so much more. To see this man so paralyzed by grief that he refused to speak of his family, acting as if he didn't remember, was sobering and eye-opening. I felt I was looking at my daughter.

And the irony is that the previous movie spoke to both my daughter and myself: The Secret Garden. This little girl arrived in England, an angry little girl, but one who did not know how to cry. We talked about Mary and Raine understood her.

There were parts in Reign Over Me that brought me to tears, especially the court case. My heart felt ripped in two as I transferred his grief to my sweet daughters and thought of what they have had to live through. It is really almost beyond my comprehension what they have experienced. The only way I can begin to imagine it is to pretend it is one of my little boys whose hearts I know so well. Then it becomes flesh and blood real because I *know* how they would react - with terror and sadness and grief and confusion and broken hearts, and perhaps they too, would eventually shut down, because to think about it just hurts too stinking much!

When I watched this movie it made me realize why consequences just don't make sense. Not to a child who has faced such trauma. I understand now, more fully, why without secure attachment, consequences can do more harm than good. Yes, we want a child to recognize that what they did was wrong. But really, in the face of life, does it *really matter* when they didn't do their chores, were disobedient, unkind, told a lie, and all the other things that get them corrected through the day?

No, I am not going to suddenly become a different person. That will take a miracle. But I am going to be so much more astute to the fact that in the grand scheme of things I need to say to myself:

DOES IT REALLY MATTER!?     before I dish out a correction - no matter how small!!

I have heard over and over that when a child is attached there will come less behaviours. But truly it is frustrating when you know a child knows how to do the thing they are not doing, or the thing they have chosen to do wrong, and that makes it hard to ignore, because you are used to parenting your other children in a different manner. But I have to remind myself over and over and over again - that until that attachment is solid they are going to react to correction in a differently than my boys. So a gentle redirection, a soft correction is going to do so much more for undoing the damage that has been done, than a consequence.

Because any form of correction can be construed as a form of trauma to children who have lived the life my girls have. And this probably rings true for every child that has been adopted at a later age. They have all experienced too much.

So please, do rent this movie, but be warned it is not for children. There is a fair bit of language, but the depth and profoundness of the movie made it worthwhile. It will speak to your heart and open your eyes to what grief, trauma, and loss can do to a person - let alone a little child. And we have the nerve to say 'children are resilient'. Who says!

Only love,
Can make it rain,
The way the beach is kissed by the sea.

Love, Reign ov'r me.
Love, Reign ov'r me, Rain on me.

Only love,
Can bring the rain,
That makes you yearn to the sky.
Only love,
Can bring the rain,
That falls like tears from on high.

Love, Reign ov'r me.
Love, Reign ov'r me, on me.


Peter Townshend
.

Harambee Day 7 - Friday

Today is our last day. It is the day that the children rehearse for their show tonight. It is the last game for the World Cup. And it is the last time for the children and families to be together with all these wonderful people for another year. We certainly can't wait til next year!

In the afternoon we headed down to the beach for one last time with the friends we had made. Austin really wanted to have some water fun with someone where he could get them wet, so I suggested he ask Raine if he could throw her in if he would let her throw him in. She agreed.

Making the Deal

Laughter and Squeals Erupt From Raine

Okay, It's My Turn!

And She Threw Him!! What Fun!

There was a silent auction that takes place every year. They raised about $3000 last year, and this year they were hoping to do as well. Everyone brings something for the auction and then they bid on the things they want. I went through the auction and found these gorgeous prints of two African girls and I would have loved to have had them, but the price went too high for me. I will look online for them.

Then I saw something wonderful! It spoke to me of Sintayehu, the girls' mother. She was a seller of fruit, and this dress and turban is similar to the way she was dressed when we met her.


I put my bid down and then headed to the beach. When I was down there I asked Cassidy to update the bid when he headed up for his soccer game. He was a good boy and stalked the statue. smile. Later in the day, I suddenly realized it was close to the end of the bidding time! The kids and I packed up and rannnn as fast as we could home. We dropped our stuff and then hotfooted it to the auction tent. Cassidy was steathily guarding the statue. He couldn't be too obvious or the other bidders would also hover. smile.

I stood back for a while, and then when there was about 10 minutes left til the end of the bidding I couldn't wait any longer, I added my name to the last bid. You see, two other people had put their names after mine. It was just like an ebay bidding. When to bid? Last minute. But then it might be too last minute and someone else might dash up and grab the pencil! laugh.

My stomach was full of butterflies. I had to have that statue!! She was so perfect! I had never seen a statue like this one: carrying fruit!!

Then this woman came up and stood near the statue. It was clear she was in front of it. What to do? Stand back and let her take the pencil and the lead? Hmm. I didn't want to be too pushy, so I stepped up quietly and asked her what she was wanting. She pointed out the statue. I nodded.

"Yes. Me too. Better get your pencil," I said to her with a grin, as I picked up mine. We stood quietly side by side, and I wondered what on earth was going to happen in the last minute before the bell! I wouldn't get rude, so I would probably lose out.

Then all of a sudden, the one person that I had shared the story of the statute to earlier walked up. She sussed up the situation and then asked the woman, "Did she tell you she has an emotional attachment to it?"

I said, no I hadn't as I wanted to play fair.

The woman insisted I tell her. I hesitated. The woman said that the other bidder just wanted it because it was nice. The bidder agreed and asked me to tell her about the statute. So I did.

She then said there was no way she could bid against that and backed out. Wow!

But there was still the original other bidder. Where was she. I scouted the room and I didn't see her. I looked at the clock and saw I had about 1.5 minutes to the end of the bid. My heart was pounding; my stomach had butterflies. I had to get the statue!

Then I heard the wonderful call of the auction was over! It was mine. I grinned from ear to ear. I felt like telling people. laugh. If it hadn't been for that woman I probably would never have gotten the statue! I felt God had given me a little helper! I walked over to Savannah who was waiting by the tent entrance and told her.

Her reaction?

After the auction it was the potluck barbeque. Everyone brought something and then one family donated all the burgers, buns, hotdogs, and cheese! They are a family that has an A&W (I believe that is right). It was great fun and great food!

Got To Love His Goggles!

Lining Up For Burgers

This little girl and Briton were inseparable. So cute! She must have been at least a foot taller than him! It is funny how all the girls love my boys. Too funny. Must be cause they're so sweet! smile

After dinner was the show. The little ones did their drumming first, followed by the older children, and then the dancers.

One of the organizers came up and put this funny statue on Savannah's drum and took a picture. I am not sure why.

8-12 Year Old Miramba Class

13-18 Year Old Miramba Class

Dancing After the Performance

Austin and His Friends Watching TV at the End of the Day

.

Harambee Day 6 - Thursday

Today was an interesting day for the older boys. Cassidy, Austin, and Cooper got to go on an 11 km bike hike. They rode in trucks up to a certain spot and then they rode pretty much down hill on the old train tracks. It is the Kettle Valley Rail Trail.

It was only supposed to be children eight and up if they were not going with a parent, but someone suggested Cooper go and before we knew it someone else had volunteered to keep an eye on him. So that was a great experience for him!

Checking the Brakes Before the Big Ride

The Old Railway

The View From the Ride

That night the Miyanda Girls and Kutapira gave us a great show!


This young girl is only fourteen but so talented and unbelievably supple!


Comfort Ero entertaining the children with an African story.

Delighted With Comfort's Storytelling

Of course, the day was also full of lessons, beach time, parenting classes, eating, visiting, and relaxing. Another wonderful day!
.

Harambee Day 4 - Tuesday

Our Wonderful Creekside Campsite

This day began with the normal routine and then the youth ages 8 and up participated in the Amazing Race. There were twelve teams of about six kids. Austin was quite pleased when his team won.


The children continued in their lessons of Miramba, West African dancing, and drumming. And at the end of a busy, fun day, Cassidy worked with a number of other teens to create a YouTube Production with Kutapira.



It has been fun meeting and chatting with mums who are in a similar life that we are in. So many of them have adopted their children when they were babies, but yet we have also met many that have brought their children home in the last couple years.

Cooper is a real doll. He has attracted three adorable little girls. They absolutely love him and the feeling is mutual! One little girl woke up in the night and asked her mum, “What is that boy’s name?” She is three years old! Lol


I think he considers himself their guardian. He is very sweet and caring of them.


Austin has made a new friend named Joseph. They have had a ball together and it has been really good for him to have an opportunity to make a friend that is not shared by Cassidy.

The ladies from MaryClaris came. They do amazing braids and extensions. They brought with them tons of hair! And I bought lots! Smile I love to do the girls extensions, but I cannot find the products I need. I have used synthetic from the dollar store and wool. This material they use is also synthetic but it is crimped and prebraided, so you don’t even have to braid past where their real hair stops. It makes is very fast and nice to look at. They brought lots of colours and styles of hair, so I had a field day! I even bought Raine some electric blue! Grin I told her we will have fun putting in a braid or two of blue into her black braids. It is so neat to see how far hair has come for Black/Brown people! The choices are endless and so attractive!

I did Gadisae’s hair in extensions while I was at camp. It was quick and easy and so cute. Raine will not get done until we get home because she has so much more hair to work with.

It has been wonderful to see Raine’s coming alive at the camps. She has become so much more outgoing, and free. Savannah is a nutcase normally, and so camp didn’t do much for her. Smile.
.