We live a life of faith-filled adventure! We are a family with eight energetic, loving, crazy, happy, and very noisy children. Ray and I thought our family was complete when we had four children. Now, when people ask us if we will have any more children, we simply answer, "We don't know." We have learned that God sometimes has surprises in store for us, as He did when He brought home our two girls from Ethiopia!
In International Adoption one of the things people need to know going in is that birthdays are not always what they seem. When we got our girls we thought they were 3 years 10 months and 4 years 11 months. Why wouldn't we believe this. It was, after all, what was on their birth certificate.
But we have learned over the last three to four years that that is quite typical. Why?
For one, in a country such as Ethiopia many, many births take place in little grass huts where going to register a birth might not be feasible.
A Home Like Our Girls Were Born In
Or perhaps losing the birth certificates, as our girls' mum stated she did. So then they are in a situation where they have to come up with birth certificates. Since these are not done the day the baby is born there is always the chance the information is not accurate.
In our case, we asked our birth mum numerous times if we had the girls' true birthdates. She stated that they were indeed the ages we had been told. We suspected that this was not so, as our girls had already told us that they were five and seven years old, upon pickup from the Transition House. At that time, Solomon Tsegay who worked for Imagine, told us that the girls were mixed up. We believed him.
When we came home one of our girls told us that her mother had told her that to be adopted they needed to be three or four years old...
But we still had no proof. Then one day we were fortunate enough to reconnect with our birth mum, and at this time she felt safe enough telling us the ages of the girls. It was as we suspected: she feared they would be rejected by the adopting family if she told their real ages. Thankfully, she believed that the girls were loved enough that their real ages didn't matter to us, and never had!
So now our girls will no longer have birthdays in September and November, but instead, in June and July! They are also 2.5 years older than we thought.
This does complicate things slightly because on paper they are legally 6 and 7, but in real life we call them 7 and 8, and actually they are 8.5 and 9.5. How crazy is that!
Many people have chosen to keep their childrens' paper ages but we didn't because it didn't make sense. Raine was clearly older than 7 years old, and Savannah was about 8" taller than Briton and growing in leaps and bounds. So we gave them each one extra year.
This way when it is time to get their driver's licenses they will be held up by one year, rather than two, and that could pose a real problem for them when they have to wait til their paperwork says they are 16, when in actuality they are already 18.5!!! So one year up works for us.
There is a factor that you might not expect and that is what the other kids think. In Ontario they are very strict about birth order adoptions. I believe it is that you have to adopt under your youngest child. I never understood that until now. But at the same time, I think, "But what about the children you are adopting. They are losing their birth order!" That is significant.
When we first told the kids that we were adopting the girls, we told them how old they were. Raine would be 9 months younger than Cooper, and Savannah would be 2 months older than Briton. When the girls arrived we realized we were probably wrong. I knew from Cooper's personality that it would be an adjustment. I didn't tell him right away. When I did finally tell him tears welled up in his eyes. He liked the idea of being the big brother. We sat on it for a while, and then finally moved her forward a year, putting her 3 months older than him. He was okay with that; she was his twin.
With Briton, Savannah was always his twin. She was two months older than him. But for the longest time this didn't seem right. We knew she was older than him. Finally when we got proof that she was not just one year older than him, but 2.5 years, we knew we needed to advance her a little bit. We had been preparing her for this for a while, talking about ages. She knew that Raine had had her 5th birthday when she arrived in Canada, and then a year later, she had celebrated her 7th birthday. So it wasn't a big surprise to Savannah when I told her one day that she was seven.
The unfortunate thing was that Briton was walking by at that particular moment. This is the child that is the *end* of the birthday train. Well, it depends on how you look at it. His birthday is in January. BUT the kids that he hangs with have birthdays from end of the September, to November, to two in December, and then it is finally his birthday in January. That was always hard enough - watching four birthdays go by and waiting forever for his.
But then that day when he walked by and overheard me talking to Savannah I heard a little squeaky, "Huh?" of complete surprise and disbelief.
He couldn't use enough words to explain what he was saying, but the gist of it was, "Savannah's five. Her didn't have six. Now her's seven. That's not fair!"
No kidding. It probably didn't seem fair! We sure didn't tell him that she was really eight! (grin) He would have really thought that wasn't fair. How on earth does someone go from five to seven overnight?! Especially when *he* knows how long it takes for him to wait to turn one year older! (laugh)
He did eventually settle into the fact that she was indeed older than him. And then it was time for Cooper. We hadn't told him at the time we discovered the girls' ages about Raine. Somehow it slipped my mind. I guess because I had always known she was older. Well, one day I accidentally mentioned Raine as being 9.5 (which she is well aware of) and Cooper was shocked. Okay, here we go again. (laugh)
We let him chew it over for a little while. I left it alone. After all, we did already call her eight, and he had just turned eight, so it was fine. But we had always written the kids names in age order as Cooper, Raine, Savannah, and Briton. I had yet to change this, as it wasn't really fair to Raine. Soon...
Then tonight, while Briton was doing his prayers, he was listing off the people in the family one by one. He would say a name and then pray for one in particular. Then the next. After he did Austin he paused. Then from the top bunk I heard, "Cooper or Raine is next." (I wonder why it was "or"? lol) He immediately followed this with, "Do Raine first. She's older than me."
I was so proud of him. The transition has been made. My kids are not whiners, so I can really see why 'birth order' really does carry some importance with it! My suggestion is to be sensitive to the children you already have if you find your adopted children are not the ages you thought they were, thus upsetting the age order you thought you had! Take your time and let them adjust naturally.
And now, without further ado. Here is Raine's "8th" and Savannah's "6th" birthday party.
I looked outside one day to see Cooper working like a busy little beaver. He was mixing up mud and applying it to the cracks in the loghouse to winterize it. But wait. WHAT was he wearing???
I walked a little closer to get a better look, then I told him to *stand still*. I needed to get a photo. This was something else! What child chooses to take a pair of pants that have holes in the knees and deliberately create such ugly 'shorts'? What child? My child! He loved his pants. When I finally put them in the garbage he was not too pleased! lol
But just look at that smile! Who could make him take those 'shorts' off and put on something decent? Not this mother!! *smile*
Another day I found him and Raine working together to create a door for their loghome.
(This was obviously back near the summer and I am a little late in publishing it!)
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It is 12:45 AM on January 1, 2011. I did not have an exciting New Year. Instead, I had a pleasant one. Our older boys headed to the ski hill for a night of tubing, bonfires, hotdogs, and hot chocolate with friends, and our middle sized boys spent a fun evening at the movies watching the newest in the Chronicles of Narnia, while the little four and I stayed home, had pizza and punch, and then finished our evening off with the movie The Secret Garden.
Once the little ones were all tucked up in bed, my hubby and I sat down to watch a movie. We browsed through a few looking for one that appealed for such a night as this. We settled on one that I thought was going to be funny given it had Adam Sandler in it. And with him you never know what kind of movie it will be. So I was forewarned and forearmed with another movie choice.
As soon as the beginning came up it stated it was an R movie. ICK. I don't do R movies. I then pulled out my trusty computer and went to pluggedinonline and did a check to see the content. I was surprised to see it was not to be a comedy, but actually a very profound drama.
Adam Sandler played the character, Charlie Fineman, a former dentist who lost his wife and three daughters in a plane crash in 9/11. His old college roommate spied him one day riding downtown New York on a motorized scooter. Alan Johnson, the friend, soon discovered that his old classmate was a shell of the man he used to be, having cut himself off from anyone who knew him in his former life, and having become an emotionless individual who played video games and renovated his kitchen every couple months.
It didn't take long for me to be swept up in this movie. Such a painful story, yet so necessary to watch, to understand what my daughter has been through. Yes, both my children have had a lot of loss, but one in particular, has endured so much more. To see this man so paralyzed by grief that he refused to speak of his family, acting as if he didn't remember, was sobering and eye-opening. I felt I was looking at my daughter.
And the irony is that the previous movie spoke to both my daughter and myself: The Secret Garden. This little girl arrived in England, an angry little girl, but one who did not know how to cry. We talked about Mary and Raine understood her.
There were parts in Reign Over Me that brought me to tears, especially the court case. My heart felt ripped in two as I transferred his grief to my sweet daughters and thought of what they have had to live through. It is really almost beyond my comprehension what they have experienced. The only way I can begin to imagine it is to pretend it is one of my little boys whose hearts I know so well. Then it becomes flesh and blood real because I *know* how they would react - with terror and sadness and grief and confusion and broken hearts, and perhaps they too, would eventually shut down, because to think about it just hurts too stinking much!
When I watched this movie it made me realize why consequences just don't make sense. Not to a child who has faced such trauma. I understand now, more fully, why without secure attachment, consequences can do more harm than good. Yes, we want a child to recognize that what they did was wrong. But really, in the face of life, does it *really matter* when they didn't do their chores, were disobedient, unkind, told a lie, and all the other things that get them corrected through the day?
No, I am not going to suddenly become a different person. That will take a miracle. But I am going to be so much more astute to the fact that in the grand scheme of things I need to say to myself:
DOES IT REALLY MATTER!? before I dish out a correction - no matter how small!!
I have heard over and over that when a child is attached there will come less behaviours. But truly it is frustrating when you know a child knows how to do the thing they are not doing, or the thing they have chosen to do wrong, and that makes it hard to ignore, because you are used to parenting your other children in a different manner. But I have to remind myself over and over and over again - that until that attachment is solid they are going to react to correction in a differently than my boys. So a gentle redirection, a soft correction is going to do so much more for undoing the damage that has been done, than a consequence.
Because any form of correction can be construed as a form of trauma to children who have lived the life my girls have. And this probably rings true for every child that has been adopted at a later age. They have all experienced too much.
So please, do rent this movie, but be warned it is not for children. There is a fair bit of language, but the depth and profoundness of the movie made it worthwhile. It will speak to your heart and open your eyes to what grief, trauma, and loss can do to a person - let alone a little child. And we have the nerve to say 'children are resilient'. Who says!
Only love,
Can make it rain,
The way the beach is kissed by the sea.
Only love,
Can bring the rain,
That makes you yearn to the sky.
Only love,
Can bring the rain,
That falls like tears from on high.
Love, Reign ov'r me.
Love, Reign ov'r me, on me.
Peter Townshend
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Saturday, September 18, 2010
I wonder how many other children from Ethiopia eat like my girls do? They have been home for two years now and they still eat as much as I do! Actually, they used to eat double this amount!
This is Briton's dinner beside Raine's. They are 'supposed' to be within two months of each other in age. She is a girl! Seems to make no difference! And have you seen how incredibly skinny she still is? I am curious about others with children from Ethiopia. Do yours eat a huge amount? .
My Adorable Little Girl and Her Pretty Big Sister.
Someone used the word 'Yummy' to describe Savannah the other day, and I have to agree. There is something baby girl in that sweet little face. And day by day, she is becoming more and more *my* baby girl - in her mind, as well as mine.
Isn't it amazing how beautiful my girls look! Sorry, can't help bragging, but you got gorgeous kids sometimes you can't help but say it! lol Just look at those chubby little cheeks. So nice to see them filling out. Raine is still a slender little thing, and perhaps she will always be, so it is nice to see her with cheeks!
The boys are wonderful when I enlist them to help Raine take out her beads and extensions. One day I came in the bedroom and Austin and Raine were making music with a toy piano with their feet, while singings, and removing extensions.
I am glad to have their help with her hair. Putting the styles in takes hours and hours, and so the boys pitching in while removing is a big time saver for me!
Because I ended up going for an extra time this season, I decided to take Raine. I was pretty sure I could handle a new skier, as well as Briton.
Well, I quickly learned *that* was a mistake!!! I took Raine to the bunny hill and we did a quick lesson. The same as I did with Briton. The bunny hill wasn't challenging enough to get a handle on learning to ski there. As the instructors say, most parents end up taking their kids up the mountain to the easy slopes to teach them there. I did this with Briton, and I figured I would do the same with Raine.
Big mistake.
Not because of Raine, but because I had two little ones. I am *so* glad I waited on bringing three beginners to the hill! If I could afford a nanny to watch them on the bunny hill for the day that would be fine, but Briton was too little to leave by himself, so he got taken up the hill really quickly. In doing so, he learned fast. When I took the two kids up the hill I saw how difficult it would be.
We did manage to get on and off the lift with the liftee slowing it down for me. My error in bringing two up the hill showed its face when we headed for an easy hill. I am always with Briton and this time, he miunderstood and went down, while I went across a hill. He figured I was taking Hill A, and I was heading to Hill B. He was only about 20 feet from me, but it panicked him, so he began to cry. Thankfully, right away a ski patrol lady showed up (timing!) and helped him back up to the hill where I was at, and we proceeded on together.
The bigger boys skied ahead of us and Raine, Briton and I carried on. I have since learned about girls' bodies. The instructor told me this - that they are built differently to boys' bodies, in the muscular way, so they handle learning to ski differently. Now, don't shoot me for saying this, I am simply saying what I was told, and judging from watching Raine float on the snow, rather than dig down as the boys all did right away, I think there might be something to it. I had to really teach her how to press into the snow because her skies controlled her and dragged where she didn't want to go. She was also ever so gangly on skies. *grin* Now this really surprised me because she had shown herself to be very gifted in hula, soccer, good at running and strong at gymnastics.
There was one moment on the hill where I knew I wouldn't be bringing two up the hill again, unless two could ski independently. I had Raine right beside me and we were creeping along, and Briton had skied about 30 feet in front of me. All of a sudden, Raine fell, and she was struggling to get up, and then I heard this odd sound, and heard Briton screaming. Not once, but multiple screams. Not like him at all! I have my head swinging back and forth, telling Raine to, Get up! We have to go get Briton. He's in danger! I then was swinging it to the other side looking toward where Briton was a moment ago, but now is no longer. I realize my big mistake in bringing two up the hill.
Finally, I told Raine to crawl forward along the trail, and I would ski to Briton, get him, and come back. I dashed off and as I heard his screaming, I am thinking he must have skied off a cliff or have met an animal or something scary! I was panicking.
Then I came around the corner and saw him.
He was sitting in the middle of the ski road nearly at the intersection of a downhill part. There was forest on two sides of him. He was sitting there crying and screaming.
I was furious. WHAT was he doing screaming blue murder when apparently nothing was wrong? I do not have screeching bratty children, but by now I was worn totally out, and had no patience for a child screaming for apparently no reason other than the fact that I was too far behind him.
I called him to me and stood there with Raine in my eyeshot on right and Briton in eyesight on my left. I couldn't get both of them, so I stood there and called them to both come to me as fast as they could. I know they were both okay, but now, we just needed to get off the mountain and let Raine continue her day on the bunny hill. So much for my ambitious thoughts!
Heading Towards Me From the Right
And From My Left
When Briton arrived at me I asked him what on earth was going on. He was still crying. He said, "Me hear noise. NEEOOOWW, NEEOOOWW" He had this terrified look on his face.
I asked him what he meant. He told me while he was waiting for me (quietly!) he had heard this horrible noise. He showed me again the sound and it freaked me out. I had my suspicions. He said he had then begun screaming to me, "Mummy come now. Me scared!" I gave him hugs and reassured him.
We then headed down the hill together with Briton having the explicit instructions to not go more than five feet in front of me. Raine did *fabulous* on the bigger hill, where she had room to go to the left or right without going off the side of the path. She had learned to get up and down without problem, put her skies back on when they fell off, slow down, and snowplow.
She was so happy to hear when I told her that I could see her pushing down and her making powder trails in her snow plow. I could see that she was getting it. It won't take her long to be up the hill again!
To give you an idea of how we did: the hill should take 10 minutes to get down; Briton took about 1 hour; Raine took 1 hour 15 minutes.
We finished the one run, and I decided it was better for her to enjoy herself on the bunny hill. We stopped and had lunch, and then I took her over to the bunny hill, and talked to the ski instructor, and asked him if I could leave her there to practice. He was great and said he would keep an eye on her, and give her some tips.
After a run (we only did two without her), and while we were skiing I would look down from the chair lift and check on her on the bunny hill, and I could see her getting her turns and snowplow down and managing to stay *up* on her skies.
I think Raine was actually happier to stay there. When I asked her at lunch time on a score of 1-10, how was skiing. She, very thoughtful child that she is, pondered a minute and then said: 5. I like skiing but it is hard. She thanked me numerous times for taking her up, and I know that in about one or two more sessions she will be ready for the chairlift again.
Next year, I bring Savannah, and trust me, I will have those two on the bunny hill for longer than I have the other kids! There is no way I can take two beginners and one small boy up the hill by myself! But we will have fun. They will learn to ski and in a matter of weeks we will all be up the hill together! .
I stepped out the door when I saw the children. I asked them, "Are you playing Circus?"
They replied, "No, we are just keeping warm."
Cooper has six hats on! He doesn't normally have such a huge head. And he is wearing the girls scarves. LOL
Briton is wearing an assortment of the girls clothes.
And how big is Raine's coat? LOL Beggars can't be choosers! It was a warm, downlike material coat. It was mine. It was going to the second hand shop because it was too tight. Raine's coat was too small. Briton has acquired it for the backyard. (Like the one Savannah is wearing) Suddenly, I thought to myself, Why am I getting rid of this? It is big and warm and will last her in the backyard for four years! LOL! So now she has the warmest coat of them all.
I cannot keep up with Raine and Cooper in school. It is really quite remarkable. When I began Grade 1 with them both in September, it was apparent to me that Raine was not ready. Yes, if I had wanted to drill her and go over things and spend hours with, yes, then she would have learned.
But over my 15 years homeschooling, I have learned this is *not* the way to do it. Not for me. I know my own weaknesses, and I know the best way all my children have operated. Now, remember, they are birth and bio, boys and girls, academically minded and not. So therefore, it stands to reason that this will work with most children.
I let Raine stop school and return to playing with her little brother and sister. Finally, in the beginning of November, I retested her with the alphabet and voila! It was there. Where it came from I have no idea. The last time I tested her with sounds and letters she got 50% wrong. This time she got 100% correct. This was my sign that she was ready to move on.
That day, I brought out the Explode the Code book 1 and the Spectrum Phonics Grade . That was the beginning of her Grade 1 year. It was hard work because there were so many foreign concepts - the way we say things are strange. They are not always literal. Anyhow, her pages were taking her about 15 minutes per. But she was moving forward, one page at a time.
Cooper has also completed the complete Grade 1 and 2 curriculums and is now on Spectrum Phonics Grade 3 and Explode the Code book 5!
Soon after, we began working with two other amazing sites:IXL Math and Spelling City We are now using these sites on a daily basis for all the children. I recently tested Cooper with the Canadian Basic Skills Test and he scored on a 94% and at a beginning Grade 3 math and phonics level. This comes from doing IXL as he only math curriculum, Spelling City, Explode the Code, and Spectrum Phonics.
Raine has skyrocketted! Since she began school at the beginning of November she has completed the complete Grade 1 phonics year. She is now nearly half-way through her Grade 2 books! Her math is also fantastic; she is only a few lessons behind Cooper. I am truly impressed with how far she has come in just 3.5 months. If I was ever to adopt again, I would certainly take a year or more off before I would introduce 'school book work'. Raine has more than caught up with her peers!
Another fantastic site that we use on a daily basis is Canadian Geography. In the short weeks that I have had all of my children use this site they have learned all of the provinces, the capital cities, and the spellings of the names! Raine has already learned all of the provinces and she did this as quickly as the older boys!
Another fabulous site is thisWorld Geography site. My kids have learned so much about other countries and it is again in a game form. There is also geology at this site where they can learn about Rock Types.
I am really pleased with a number of sites I am using that my children are really learning from. There are the ones I mentioned above, but there are a few more. I have learned from my past mistakes, and there are things I want to do differently with the younger set. One of those things is I want them to learn to type and type proficiently! The following are two sites that we use on a daily basis. The younger ones use BBC Typing Dance Mat . Raine and Cooper are already doing fantastic with not looking at their fingers. You better be good at listening to an English accent though! LOL!!
The second site is also fantastic and my older children use it. It is called Free Typing Games. They are expected to spend 10 minutes practicing their typing and then they get to pick a game. So they spend about 15 minutes per day on typing. I am seeing huge progress overnight!
I have also discovered a wonderful Spelling Bee site! I love it! There is a Mini Bee and that is for younger kids of ages 5-11. Again, they have an English accent, so it is good to use the Word Help, which gives hints and sentences and origin. It is brilliant if you want a child to advance in spelling and have fun at the same time! I did the 12 years and up bee and some of the words are very challenging! But a lot of fun.
Another site we use daily is a Vocabulary Site. My favourite is the Vocabulary Quiz.
All the children have regular books to read and workbooks to work from, but I have found that having these sites has been so beneficial as a main part of our curriculum. What I love about all these programs are they are painless to me. I see my children learning rapidly, loving their lessons (truly), and I am able to balance so many more lessons absorbing into their heads because so many of these programs are computer moderated!
As far as how long they work on each site:
Spelling City: 15 minutes: This equals a new list for the week where they run through seven different games, plus one test from a previous week. If they do well then we might move on to a new list in the same week. You can create your own lists and the site will generate sentences to go with the words, or you can override this and create your own sentences! This program is a paid program and worth it.
IXL: 30 minutes: This site is marvellous because the repetition on any given lesson is huge. If a child gets a question wrong then the computer will automatically knock back their score and they will have that many more questions before they are able to get through the lesson. A child can stop in the middle of a lesson and resume tomorrow. Because the children are answering questions on a computer they are able to do many, many more questions in a 30 minute period than they would on a workbook! Also, the earliest levels have an audio machine that reads the questions to the child. This is a paid program and well worth it. I have seen the testing results of my children using it.
BBC Typing or Spelling Games: 15 minutes - free
Geography: 15 minutes - free
Vocabulary: 1 or 2 games - about 15 minutes - free
If you find these sites helpful, I would love to hear back. And if you find others that you feel must be part of an everyday lesson plan, please pass them on to me through the Comment section. . .
Our children are raised learning to do chores, work hard and contribute to the family. They often get to slack for the first few years, but then by the time they are four they are working hard. *grin* It isn't too hard to run a vacuum, empty a dryer, fold towels, deliver laundry, pick up toys, wash lower windows, or empty a dishwasher. There are many more jobs, as well.
When Savannah first came to us she was the opposite of Raine. Raine had been trained to work, and work hard she did. She quickly jumped in and showed us how well she could fold laundry, run a vacuum, and clean-up the house. I sincerely believe if I gave her the freedom to cook she would have done a fabulous job; she used to cook meals in Ethiopia.
Savannah, on the other hand, had not worked at all in Ethiopia. Her initiation into work was rather funny. One day she told me she would like to go back to Ethiopia, because, "In Eteeopeeah, no work."
I did not relent, and she became a good little worker. As I reported in one of my school reports, "Savannah is a good worker (when I am watching her)." smile.
As time went by, she has worked harder and really learned the value of a job well done. She loves to hear compliments, and lately, I have been able to sincerely tell her that she is acting like a five to six year old girl now. This is the ultimate compliment because when she arrived, she was more like a two to three year old in her choices, abilities, development.
These changes have not come quickly, or easily. Savannah has worked incredibly hard and very deliberately to learn to make her own choices and not to rely on Raine for answers and direction. We had been having real issues with disobedience and poor choices and I felt it was necessary to give them some space from each other.
Prior to the orphanage time, before they came to Canada, the girls had not lived together for a few years. I knew that Savannah was used to being without Raine, and so her decision (conscious or otherwise) to copy Raine in all choices might have to do with her adjustment to a new life. But at the same time, I could see that it was not helping her develop.
One day, I decided that I would give the girls separate bedrooms for a period of time. Raine would sleep in Colt's old bedroom, and Savannah in the girls' bedroom. It was the best thing I could have done. Neither girl had a problem sleeping alone; if anything, Savannah has thrived. Instead of following Raine into mistakes and poor choices, she has had to stand on her own and think through her decisions.
I am amazed at how she has soared! Her confidence and personality have blossomed and she is a delight to watch as she comes into her own. The bubbly little person that we saw in videos in Ethiopia has begun to emerge in a natural way.
She is doing things without being asked and I call her Little Boss Lady when she does this. Simple things like finding the apples out in the basket and she runs to the back and gets more. Or today, when she wanted a bun, she asked me. A while later, I came in the kitchen and found her entering the kitchen with a bag of buns. I asked her about it. She told me there were none in the kitchen and so she had gone to the backroom freezer and got some more. This is huge! Normally, until three weeks ago, she would have come to me and asked me for a solution. Since I had a talk with her and really impressed on her how I wanted her to try harder to think for herself and not just wait for help, or copy Raine, I have seen her step right out and take the bull by the horns. She has become more independent even than her sister!
One day, I came in the laundry room and found Savannah moving the washing into the dryer. She knows this is part of the laundry job, but it would normally be Raine that would lead her to doing it. Since having the girls do more things as part of the family unit, and not exclusively together, I have seen Savannah rise up to the challenge and own things herself. I was very impressed when I found her in here doing this job without being asked.
Having not raised the girls from babyhood, I have not seen many milestones. What is really rewarding is that I can honestly look back over Savannah's time with us and see some real progress. Most of this progress has been in the last three months. And even more of it has been since the girls have been sleeping in separate rooms. It has allowed the independent Savannah to come out.
The other day, I was making cookies in the kitchen, and Briton and Savannah were helping me.
I noticed that Savannah's front tooth was extremely wiggly. Ray had suggested pulling it out the other day, and I was horrified. Ick. What was he thinking? I am so against anything gross. I have a terribly squeamish stomach. Ask my children about how limited the table topics are at mealtimes! It had better be pretty generic, or I need to leave.
So I have no clue where my next suggestion and action came from! So out of character! I turned to Savannah with a dishcloth in my hand, and I said to her, "Savannah, do you want me to pull that tooth out of your mouth? It will be painful, but then it will be gone." She nodded her head and said yes. (At this point, I had no memory of Ray suggesting the same thing to her a week ago!)
I said to her again, "Savannah, do you want me to pull the tooth out. It will be *very* painful, but then it will be gone."
"Yes," she said.
I couldn't believe my little girl who hates shots and ear piercing would be saying yes, so for good measure, so she didn't hate me later, I said to her again, "Savannah, are you sure you want me to pull your tooth out? It will really, really hurt. But then it will be gone."
"Yes," she repeated.
Okay, don't say I didn't warn you! lol What was I thinking? This tooth was sticking out of her mouth at a 90* angle to the ground! I knew she couldn't eat and I was worried she would choke on it.
I took my dishcloth, reached into her tooth, grasped it gently, and lifted it. "Ohhhh," she said with a look of discomfort. I looked at her face, and her eyes said, continue, so I turned the tooth and pulled, and I couldn't believe how easily it popped out! Savannah's eyes opened wide. I think all of our eyes opened wide. The kids couldn't believe I had just done this! I showed her the tooth and then took her upstairs to rinse out her mouth.
A few days later, (today), when she showed me another wiggly tooth, I asked her if she wanted me to remove that one..... No, she said. *grin*
My "Twins"
Savannah keeps on growing! She is almost as tall as Raine.
It was interesting at Christmas this year. In our house we don't do a lot of receiving of gifts, though we have eight children. I don't like the grabbiness that gets taught when too many presents are given. I wasn't always this way.
Way back when Colt was three years old we had a party and the backyard was full of about 15 children. That was the beginning of changing my ways. I didn't like the child I was raising opening a gift and then being expected to move onto the next one, because he *had* to open it because someone was waiting to see him receive it. It didn't matter that he might have been thrilled to just sit and enjoy the one he had already opened.
I also didn't like the fact that my children began to look forward to going to their friends parties because of the goodie bags they would receive. That was when I decided to stop giving goodie bags. It had to start somewhere. Some of my friends picked up on the same idea, and our children began going to parties to celebrate their friend and not to receive a gift.
Our children have always given each other gifts for birthdays and Christmas, but when the girls came home and Briton was old enough to want to be involved it became such a zoo. Each child was opening eight gifts from siblings, plus ours, so we decided to change things. They still got our gifts, but we began giving them one gift from all the siblings. The ones that really wanted to do something on their own were welcome to, but I was no longer organizing the gift giving. It sure made things easier and less about 'getting'.
Noone complained. In fact, my 16 and 10 year old both had an opinion on the matter: why do we need to get so many gifts anyway? So now, with a crowd of children in the 10 and under range, things have changed and changed for the better. Christmas is really not all about the gift getting - it is more about family.
This year we did something different and it was a huge hit. Each child gave to one other child. They could buy or make something, or give something that they already owned. You should have seen the faces on the day of this gift giving. We did our family Christmas on January 3rd, because we were away for Christmas.
Cassidy With His Bow and Arrow Set From Dane
Cassidy took great pains to make Cooper a colouring book from pictures he downloaded from the internet. He had done this once before and it was a huge hit with Cooper.
Savannah with her story book from Cooper. She was so excited that she had her own book. She immediately got me to commit to reading as much as I wanted. smile
Look at the expression on Savannah's face! She was so excited to be able to give someone a gift at Christmas. I think that might have been the best part of her Christmas! She kept telling me, I want to give you your present. It's a secret!
Austin With His Plane From Savannah.
Raine and Austin with the book she received from him.
Briton Loved the Cars From Raine
What was interesting was Raine opened her gift and then dropped it on the floor. The other children looked at their gifts, played with them, or asked me to help them with them. I noticed Raine, because this was not the first time she had done something such as this.
On St. Nicholas Day, I had seen her open her gifts and then later, I saw them bagged up in plastic bags that were tied at the top. They were by her bed. I would see her watching her sister and brothers with their puzzles or toys, but I didn't see her using her gifts. I asked her what she thought when she saw her pile of St. Nicholas gifts. She said she didn't need them....
So my analytical mind put that away in a little folder - for the time being. Then I saw how she behaved at Christmas with the gift she had received from her brother. She did something similar at my sister's when she received her present. She had barely opened it - not even out of the wrapper - when she left it to see what someone else had received.
So I was adding all this together and wondering.
Then on Christmas Day (January 3rd), Raine received her two gifts from us. This year I had bought the girls gifts that were the same as each other, but I had bought with Raine in mind. She had been walking through a toy store and had mentioned that she liked Barbie. Now, our children do not watch commercials, so they would only see toys that they like at a friend's house. I don't really like Barbie; said I would never buy Barbie etc, for many reasons. But, when I was walking through the store I saw a Barbie that was a doctor and she came with babies and a hospital! I then saw a Barbie that came as a schoolteacher and one as a playground!
I decided then and there I would buy Barbie for Raine. Savannah lucked out and got the playground Barbie that came with little children. It was the first time that Raine had shown an interest in some specific toy and that was exciting to me.
When Savannah opened her gifts she was delighted, though she had shown no interest in Barbie before. She was just plain excited to be receiving! smile. When she opened her baby doll she was joyous. She squealed with delight and wanted me to open the package right away. She did not let her new toys out of her sight. They were a definite hit.
Raine had a happy expression and then put the toys aside. No interest whatsoever.
I was so surprised because it was just what she wanted: Barbie, plus she wanted to be a doctor (so she says), and it had babies in it. I am not saying she does not appear grateful. She has a big smile and a thank-you, but that is as far as it goes. The toy is put down and not picked up again. Curious!
See the pleasure? But this purse has hung on the side of her bed since she has received it, though we have been out to places where she could have used it...
Over the next couple days I was observing Raine to try to figure out what was ticking in her little brain. I decided to ask her about her attitude towards the gifts she was receiving. Her answer was interesting. It rang as 'ungrateful', but the jury was still out, as I was waiting to see how it all played out. She didn't seem like an ungrateful child, yet, her answer sure sounded it, and her lack of interest in her gifts.
When I asked her, this is what she said, "They are all the same stuff. Just different colour, or shape or size." (she later explained: What she is seeing is that she has Barbie, which are just bigger versions of the Polly Pocket dolls she got for her birthday. The baby doll she got is just a white sleeping version of the two black dolls she already had.)
"So what would you like?" "Something different."
"Like what?"
She had no clue to this answer.
"Do you think toys are a waste of money?" "Yes."
"What would you prefer to do?"
"Play outside."
"When it is your birthday would you rather not get a present?"
"No!" (She did want a present, but yet, nothing she has ever been given has seemed to give her more than momentary interest or pleasure.
So now I was further confused. Not interested in presents. All the same stuff. Rather play outside. But still wants a present. How do I find a present that interests her? Hmmm... The mind is still processing.
The day after Christmas Savannah brought me her Barbie box and asked me to open it up for her. When I said yes, she literally jumped up and down and said, "Yes!"
Raine was upstairs at this time. When she heard Savannah, she came downstairs and got out an old puzzle to work on. She was quite happy. After a while, Raine came into the livingroom where Savannah and I were playing.
Yes, I was playing. I was eleven years old again (the age I was when I got my one and only Barbie) and all those wonderful emotions came rolling over me. I decided that I would let the girls have Barbies, we will just go with the modest clothing and keep them dressed! No large breasted naked women laying around the floor in my house! grin
Raine sat on the chair in the room and said to Savannah, "Savannah, can I watch you?" As she watched, she looked at the instruction booklet.
As she said this, she was smiling, and I was noticing. Noticing that she had a box of Barbies up in her room, and I was trying to figure out why she wouldn't be racing upstairs to get them and diving into that to play with it? Why would she want to watch someone else do something that she could actually do?
Savannah and I played for a while, and then I left. Raine stayed in the chair watching Savannah. Her sister began to play act out the people's roles and was having a wonderful, imaginative time. Some time later, Savannah came out and asked me if Raine could play with her Barbie. I asked Savannah if Raine had asked for it. No, she hadn't. I told Savannah that we would wait to see when Raine came and got it herself, because of course, Raine knew her toys were her own and she didn't need to ask permission.
The following day, Savannah played again with her Barbies, and Cooper got involved this time. Raine continued to watch and also, do other things. At some point, Cooper came and asked me if Raine could play with her Barbies. I told him the same thing I had told Savannah: That Raine could play with her Barbies. She could come and get them and we would open them.
So again the play continued, but Raine did not get her Barbies.
It was the next day that Raine came downstairs with her Barbies. Previously, the box had been lying upside down on a table in her room with somethings on top of it. As if she had no interest. She came to me and asked me, "Mum, can I play with my Barbies?" I gave her a big smile and told her that, Yes, she could play with them.
We went into the livingroom and proceeded to open the box. While we were doing this we discussed toys. Over the course of the night before I had come to a conclusion that I think might be the answer to all of this.
I do not think Raine is ungrateful.
I think she does not know how to play.
I really thought this through. Think about it. She said,"They are all the same stuff. Just different colour, or shape or size."
Imagine if someone gave you a book. Yes, it is your first book and therefore, you think it is pretty. Nice! And yes, you say thankyou and you play with it *a bit*, but then you put it on the shelf.
Why?
Because you are blind. Noone knows you are blind. They wonder why you don't like it. Or why you aren't interested. It is a nice book, after all! There are even beautiful pictures in it.
Then someone gives you another book and this time, because you know what it is, your interest is even less. This time you barely open it before you put it aside. You know you can't see the book, but noone else does. You don't mean to be ungrateful, but what good is a book when you can't read it.
Okay, so my figuring are this. Upon a lot of chatting with Raine I have learned a few things. She had never played with a doll until she came to us. She had never made herself a doll out of a piece of wood or a rag. I explained to her that in Little House in the Prairie, even if they were very poor a child would have made a doll from a corn cob. Simply because they wanted to be a 'mummy'.
I have never met a child who has not had a doll or had the desire to play house. It is a foreign concept to me.
Raine then told me that she had never had any real toys until she came to our house. At the orphanage there were stuffed teddies and a few things, but really no toys.
When I was trying to talk to her about the fact that 'normally' little girls love to play with dolls (Yes, I know there are exceptions, so I was being stereotypical, but I was trying to make a point), I asked her, "Would you like it if I gave you a bunch of cars for Christmas?"
She replied, "Yes. I like playing with cars."
laugh!! I told her I expected her to say no, so then I could make my point. But you see, her comment actually proves something else. She has six brothers. She does not have role models for being a little girl and playing naturally with girly toys. Savannah and Raine will play with whatever their brothers play with.
It was dawning on me that this child was old enough to have learned to not play. She had a gap in her development. She had spent about seven years working, but not playing nor imagining. She is ironic coming into my house, as I am the Imagination Queen!! I am so big on that and so my kids barely watch any TV, they get dress-up clothes for their ideas to come to life, etc. So to have a child that is the farthest extreme slipped right by my noticing it!
Where her sister is about three years younger than her, and therefore, grasped the idea of play shortly after she arrived here, Raine has not. She can certainly look busy and keep herself occupied, but she has not ever really sat down and played for any period of time.
So when she got the wonderful Polly Pockets that I thought she would love, they kept her interest for minutes. Why? Because *what do you do* with little people, clothes, and cars? You dress them. You sit them in the car. You drive the car. And then you are done.
Where is the choosing what they should wear? Where is the walking and talking, as they get into the car? Where are the different places they might decide to drive to? Where is the shopping that they put into the car?
Where? In the imagination.
And if you have not had the opportunity to work your imagination, then you have a developmental gap, and all you see is more of the same types of toys, that you have no clue what to do with!
Raine and I talked about the doctor Barbie, and I told her why I had bought it for her. I told her I was going to show her how to use her imagination. The babies could be in a hospital because they were sick, or they could have been born, or perhaps it was an orphanage, or maybe they were lost. What did she want them to be?
She thought about it and decided it would be an orphanage. We talked and talked and tried out different ideas, and she was quickly able to see how curious but fun it was to use an imagination.
At one point, I came back in the room and she had two dolls lying on their faces. She told me the bigger one had found the little one and was looking after her. We had a little laugh together at the fact that they were lying on their faces. I then played with her and showed her how we can make the characters be as real as we want. I had the little girl cry and talk to the woman and tell her she was lost, and the woman hugged the girl and then they both sat down together on the ground, while waiting for the woman's friend to come. Raine laughed to see how different her people behaved than mine did.
Learning to Play
Later, she called me back into the room to show me what she had done with the people. She told me decisions she had had them make, and things she was doing. She had decided that Savannah's Barbies would be part of her orphanage. Certain Barbies would look after the older children and others would look after the babies. I could see that she was really playacting out the characters.
Over the next few days at every moment that they were free I would see Savannah and Raine playing together with the Barbies. Once I heard Savannah giggle as she put the woman on the slide in her playground. Now, Raine would not have dreamed of doing that. Women don't normally go down slides, so it wouldn't have crossed her mind that you could *do* that.
This is what Raine has told me today (10 days later) when I asked her on a score of 1-10 what were the Barbies:
"10.I love playing with the Barbies. I always play with them. They are my favourite toy now. I really like playing with the babies."
And this is how she had nicely set it up. See the babies in their beds, and the doctor is looking after three dogs. Before, she would have left just one dog on each girls wrist because that is how they came. Here she has decided *she* wants to do it differently.
I can see that we are going to have to spend more time imagining and playing and discussing options in play. .
A friend gave us some clothes recently and the girls had fun finding things they liked in the gift. We don't normally get offered hand-me-downs for our girls, so it was a real blessing for us.
Before you turn on this dance performance, please pause the music on the right hand side. Then, if the video starts out choppy, let it keep loading and the move the slider back to the beginning. It will smooth itself out and play properly once it has had a chance to load completely.
Raine went to do a performance for her hula class. It turned out that she was a special 'guest star' because my mother happened to be in the audience. Neither knew the other was there. At the end of the performance my mother stood up in the audience and pointed to Raine and said, "I'm claiming that one. She's my granddaughter."
The lady putting on the event asked which child and Raine waved her hand. To this the audience gave a round of applause. It was so sweet that what was a typical Christmas party for my mother's volunteer group became a personal recital for her from her granddaughter! This video shows Raine doing part of her dance. She did not like her outfit she had to wear. Her other outfits are modest and sweet; this one was not something I would have preferred. The teacher is big on modesty, but had only enough fabric to make these small tops. She does put the girls in two grass skirts with black leggings underneath, so that is nice. Raine came home and said to me, "Mum, that top is gross!" lol
You can see her beautiful rhythm with the music. I wish I had more to show you, but someone else took the video and the photos were blurry. It is hard to get pictures close-up because whoever takes Raine to her performance ends up at the back of the room. I will upload a blurry picture to show you her pretty other dress.
Raine has begun hula dancing, and she is seriously good at it. When I picked her up after her first lesson, the teacher told me she was good. The next week, she told me she was the best in the class. When I observed her lesson on the third week I could see why she spoke as she did. Raine had learned the entire song in three weeks! There are many, many moves and they just flowed so naturally out of her.
This teacher is very good at what she teaches and has been in many competitions, plus having been to Hawaii multiple times taking lessons from real hula teachers. She tells me that she will be taking the children to competitions in the Big City, but will probably wait a year til she does so. That sounds very exciting, as Raine is really enjoying herself.
This class just began in September and already they have been heard about by people in town. So a couple weeks ago their little class was asked to perform at the old folks home in town. Ray took Raine with Austin and so I didn't get any recordings. Well, I did, but I didn't think you would want to see the floor or the heads of the people. *smile*
We will have future opportunities to showcase her dancing and at that time I will show you. In the meantime, here are some pictures that they took of the little dancer.
Waiting Back Stage
. Normally, Raine dances in barefeet, but here she is in her studio dress and town shoes. .
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