A New Meaning of Family

So what do our children think about their sisters?

To quote our 15 year old when he was talking to some friends, "They are awesome."

To quote a note I found written by our 9 year old, "Mesai, you now (know) we love you."

We have been incredibly fortunate in how our girls have just become part of our family. When I hear other people's stories I realize how unusual our situation is. We have had *nothing* - no upsets, no attitude, no rivalry, nothing. The little 'testing the boundaries' has been so simple to deal with. Simply a matter of: No, don't do that.

The girls are amazing. In the last three weeks we have gone from having little strangers in our home to beginning to get into routines, to where tonight I can actually say I feel real love for these girls. I will tell you about that in a bit. But first - some pictures.

Daddy Is Cutting Down Trees

Playing Beavers

I began a bit of a routine for the girls at naptime. I do NOT do routines, so this is a stretch for me! *smile* I put the boys to bed quite quickly, as I never linger over naptime. I then go in the girls’ room and we sit on one of the beds, and I read these little board books to them. They have 17 books and they each choose three books for me to read. The books are nursery rhymes. I made a point of doing this so that they feel special. Anything that I do for them that they can see is not part of the ‘crowd control’ makes me feel that they feel that they have been pulled aside and it is special time. Also, anything I can do that I know would not have happened in the orphanages.

So, through doing this, each day they learn more of the rhymes. Mesai can say one completely, plus parts of others. She is very proud of her abilities. It is so cool to see. Something else I notice is that after the initial reading of all the stories, the girls both began choosing the same set of three books each day. I am sure they are trying to memorize certain ones.

One day, when I entered the room they were sitting on the bed, backs against the wall, like we usually do, and they only had two books in each of their hands. I didn’t think anything of it. I sat down and went to put a pillow behind Gadisae’s back, as we normally have. There I found a stack of four books! Mesai had the same thing. It was so funny. As I read their first two books, they would pretend they had no more books to read, and then I would have to sneak out one of their hidden ones.

It was neat to see them make a joke on me. I love those moments. Those are the times when I see them melding (if there is such a word) more and more into my heart. Little natural, spontaneous moments.

I came into the room yesterday and this is what I found. The girls had the pillows all set up and had their books all ready to go.

When I read to the girls I sit in the middle. What is nice to see is that when I pulled Gadisae under one arm, Mesai immediately snuggles in on the other side. She has been a little more slow about being 'warm', so those gestures from her are very rewarding.

I am now reading "Dick and Jane". They really enjoy the easy readers as the stories are simple, and there are lots of pictures.

Look at Gadisae! She is so cute. Ray came home with all these pizzas and I told him he deserved a picture. He had finally learned how to shop. Usually, he brings home 10 - 15 bananas and by the next day we need more.

So I kept saying, Buy 30! That will last 2 days. The kids will eat 2 each, minimum, times by 8 kids = 16 per day.

Well, he just kept not quite getting it. He would bring me a bag of apples.

Okay, well that'll hold me for a two days. How about buying 3 or 4 bags of apples? That might last the week.

So the day came when Ray walked in with ten boxed pizzas! I said, You finally got it! I need a picture.

Then he told me they were on sale half price.

On sale??? And you ONLY bought 10?!!! I would have bought 30 or 40!! LOL!! Seriously!!!

But Gadisae is so cute, cause she is trying really hard to lift her bag of bananas to be in the picture with Ray.

One day I decided to make a point of sending the kids outside and I had Mesai help me make waffles. It was fun with her. She did a great job mixing it all, and then I had her be the Waffle Watcher. I like to joke around, so I said to in a very animated way, When the green light goes on, you say: MAM!!! MAM!!!! MAM!!!

I did this in a very animated way, while madly waving my arms in the air. She thought this was so funny. So when the light went on, she said, "Mum."

I looked at her and gave her a - I don't think so, kind of face, and said: You say, MAM!!! MAM!! and waved my arm wildly in the air.

She has a delightful little laugh and she burst out giggling and said, "MAM!! MAM!!"

Here she is saying, MAM!! MAM!!

Voila! My Waffles

This doesn't come naturally to her. When the waffles were ready I put out my hand and said, "Done!" and had her copy me. I was making fun out of an ordinary situation. I have noticed that I am the tougher parent, but at the same time I make a real point of being silly with them (not that Ray doesn't also). I know without a doubt that this is helping the girls, but especially Mesai, who is older, to connect. We have really begun having natural fun, since this waffle event took place. She just needed to be shown that being silly was part of family.

In the morning, the kids have a little routine. This is the bed that the girls have slept in for the last three weeks. They wake up and then turn on the tv and watch PBS for about an hour. That is all the TV they get in our house. Once in a while, (as in three times in three weeks), they will get an evening movie.

The girls discovered the dryer vent and decided to 'cook'? 'warm'? their bananas there. Briton is willing to do anything!

Five Little Peas in a Pod

It is truly wonderful to look outside and see five little kids all playing together. And then sometimes the big boys, or even just one or two of them will join them. But always now, there is a crowd of children playing in my yard. And I love that I don't have to go looking for playmates for my children.

It is easy to get 'lazy' and not make phone calls to other parents to make playdates for our children, but I really have no need. It is a treat for our older boys to make their connections and I do pursue that for them, but for our younger ones I don't do it because it is just one more thing for me to do: drive. And I would much rather their brothers and sisters were their best friends. I have always had this philosophy. Friends come and go (and move), but family is forever.

Big brother getting the girls' coats on during one of our early morning cold spells.

Our children all have colours: I know who left out their towel, cup, plate, cutlery - it works like a charm. You try dishing up dinner and remembering which plate goes where. The kids set the table where the children sit - the best diplomatic relation - and they put the right coloured plate where the child sits. Then I come behind and know who I am serving, because of the coloured plate that is there. Then the children come behind me and know where to sit for the same reason. It makes life easier. When the girls joined us we added purple and pink to our colours.

After dinner tonight, Ray and I had a rare moment where we sat on the couches to chat for a few minutes. The kids were gone from the table and supposed to be upstairs in various areas of the house. Usually, as soon as dinner is over: one is doing dishes, one is doing the table clearing, one is doing bathrooms, two are doing entry room clear-ups, two are getting ready for bed (girls), and one is being Dennis the Menace and wandering aimlessly through the house - too young to work without help, and not ready for bed yet. (Not my fault. That child has always had a body that can't take more than 10 hours of sleep at night - which means up at 6:30, bed at 8:30).

So, as Ray and I are sitting on the couch, Mesai (often the reserved one) comes running over to me and launches herself at me. She lands on the couch and sprawls across me. "Me Mum," she pronounces to Gadisae, who then approaches and tries to do the same thing. "Me Mum," she repeats, "You Dad."

Gadisae decides to make a game of it (very typical) and says, "Me Mum," and tries to get on me too. Ray, sitting on the other couch, fakes crying. Mesai takes note of this and tries to get Gadisae to go to 'sad Dad'. Gadisae recognizing some fun, jumps off the couch and runs uncompassionately past Ray, down the hall, giggling all the way.

Mesai decided to mimic Gadisae and took off running, and then Ray took off running after them.

This game continued for a while and I could feel the difference in the girls. Gadisae has always been a cuddler, and that does NOT signify attachment. So she is hard to read. But Mesai has learned to relax and want attention. And it was wonderful to see her initiate a cuddling game and specifically tell her sister that Mum was for her (at that particular moment).

Later, Ray and I were going to talk to the girls about sleeping in their own room. Ray was getting them ready for bed, and he called me to ask if I had talked to them yet. I had not. So I went upstairs and sat on the bed by Ray. I asked the girls to sit down. They came over and sat on their bed. Right away, I realized this was an opportunity for a bit of fun.


I crossed my legs and got comfortable. I didn't say anything. Ray took the cue and crossed his legs and didn't say anything. The girls just looked at us. They looked at us for about 15 seconds. Then Mesai glanced away for a second, but continued to say nothing. Gadisae kept on looking at us. I was curious to see what they would do. I had asked them to sit, but I had not then given any orders or told them what I wanted.

How would they handle it? Their English is so limited. What would they do?

Finally, Gadisae simply said, "Mum?"

We didn't reply and about two seconds later we bust out laughing. It was a gut rolling moment. Mesai, our Little Missy, was sitting very solemnly looking at us. Cross-eyed. Not a word. Just simply the witty little thing that she is.

Well, then Gadisae, babyish as she is, wanted to get in on the act. So, she shut her eyes, leaned back and began to laugh in the silliest way. Soon we were all doubled over laughing.

Gadisae was mostly laughing at herself. She knew she was funny!

So Funny!

It was so funny to see this prim and proper little girl (Mesai) do something so unexpected!


I am sure one of the most powerful bonding moments is when you make someone laugh. And these girls did that tonight. What started out as a joke on them, quickly turned to a joke on us. But more importantly it showed us a little bit more of Mesai's character. She is a goldmine.

When we were leaving our room tonight to take them to their own room, Mesai gave me a big hug. As I hugged her back, I felt overwhelmed with true love for this child. I can honestly say that real love happens, and you will not know when it is going to overtake you. But when it does - watch out!