Attention Getting and Being Real

I love the little moments that bond me to my children. The other day the children were all outside playing, and trust me, when I send them out - I send them OUT! It is rare for me to have a moment where I do not have children under feet, so when I send them out to play I expect them to play outside until I call them in.

I have absolutely NO guilt over this with regard to our adopted children, due to the fact that most people who adopt, send their children to school. Those children do not have mummy in their sight for many hours a day. Our girls have me on and off throughout the day, so I figure they are just fine giving mummy a break, while they play with their brothers outside.

This one particular day had been a *loooonnnnggg* one!! I was thankful they were finally all outside, and I should just mention - the days are shorter, the children are all doing school now, so I don't actually get to send them outside for very long anymore! My quiet times are very, very short now!

Well, I come around the corner in the kitchen and their is a child coming down the stairs. In my sacred, quiet, house. WHAT? A Child? *laugh*

"What are you doing in?" I question her.

"I am potty," She replies.

"You are not potty. You are girl," I tease her.

She looks at me with the look I have come to know and love - the REAL child (not the child that is looking for attention with silliness) - and she shakes her head in exasperation and says, "Awwwww Mummmmm." Like: Come on!! You KNOW what I mean!

It was the sweetest thing and it squeezed my heart a little more. Those *real* moments are what are connecting me with these children. This littlest one can tend to put on what she thinks is cute. Simply to get our attention. But really, I don't like it. It is gooey and sugary, and simply not *her*!

She is learning that we love the Real Girl. I have talked to both of the girls, and her sister, Mesai, is old enough to understand what the Real Girl is versus the Pretend Girl. We found she was doing some very silly giggling whenever her dad was around. Totally not who she is. When I talked to her about being herself, she understood. I told her that we love her for her, not for the silly girl. We love the Kind Mesai, the Sweet Mesai, the Helpful Mesai. She understood and since then I have seen that she is so much more real. She realizes that she doesn't need to be silly and giggly to get our attention.

What I have noticed with Gadisae is that when she first came to us she would do the silliest faces and we lapped it up. Wasn't she cute! But it didn't take me many weeks before I realized it was all for attention. She made a face - we reacted - she felt accepted - it continued.

Upon reading about healthy attachment and attention getting techniques, I realized what was going on. I began to explain that she was being silly, and she, of course, knew she was being silly. Today, I see a different child. I love how she is now. Tonight, for instance, she was sitting on her floor. Ray and I were talking. He, sitting on her bed, and I, sitting on Mesai's bed. Mesai was in the bathroom. I looked at Gadisae sitting on the floor watching me, and I realized she was very deliberately watching me. So, as I looked at her I said, "What are you doing?" Kind of teasing her. Instead of being goofy and going off the top with faces and such because she had my attention, she simply replied, "Me sitting on floor."

But... she couldn't resist for long. As she got off the floor, she walked to her bed and began showing off. Making the most ridiculous faces. Ray and I continued talking and ignored it. But day by day, she is learning that that is not what gets our attention.
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