What's In a Slouch?

When we brought Mesai home, we would sometimes see her stand with her slight little shoulders forward, her left knee bent in, and her hands clasped. It was a sweet little position. But more often, I would simply see her shoulders slouching forward slightly.

I thought it was simply a lazy slouch. I showed her how to pull her shoulders back, and when I would say, "Shoulders back," she would smile and throw them ridiculously far back.

When I took the girls to the paediatrican in Vancouver, she looked at Mesai's spine and it was as straight as a rod. After this visit, the concern of her back went out of my mind. I had other things to think about - parasites.

About a week ago, (about 4 weeks after the appointment), I suddenly realized I had not seen Mesai slouch for a long time. Since then, I have been observing her, and she no longer has poor posture.

It blows me away. This has not been about a little girl who learned to walk or stand with a slump. I believe this has been about a little girl who had a broken spirit.

I only say this because I know part of her history, and I know that she didn't want to come to Canada. Not at first. But now, when I see this child - today, she is the happiest little thing. Day by day, she is opening up more and more. Tonight, I said to my 15 year old son, "She is coming into her own." I actually had to ask her to keep it down a couple times! She was so noisy, I thought it was one of my boys. And she had a couple of days where she has tried the Waters of Misbehaviour, so to speak.

And, at the same time, she is learning to show her feelings. When she has had to sit on her bed twice for misbehaviour, she has sat there with no emotions whatsoever. When I came in and talked to her and asked her why she did not show her feelings the tears came. Big tears. And arms wrapped around me hugs. She is learning to tell me that she is mad. It is like somebody asked her about feelings and that told her it was okay to have them. And then they released.

I am so glad for this. She can't always be a happy little girl - and she certainly seems to be! There must be more feelings hidden inside than that. And now, slowly, she is letting them out. In a safe way. It feels like she knows that she is loved enough that she can tell me her feelings. And I will be there. I will not go away, or get mad at her. She just needs me to say, "What does your heart feel like, right now?" And then she has told me.

Seeing her run around and play without the slouch just shows me how much this little girl had bottled up inside her. Feelings that have yet to be let totally out. But at least, she has begun. And she is feeling confident and secure enough in her home to stand up tall. This is hugely rewarding to me
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