Back on My Feet

When I was driving home yesterday from the Big City, I opened up a new CD I had bought. It was Wow 2011. The third song on the was What Faith Can Do. (the first song on the playlist down on the right hand side of my computer side bar). As I listened to the song, while driving through mountain passes, tears crept into my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

I have always claimed faith as my spiritual gift. This last week though, I have felt it pummelled. It has been hard. Two weeks ago, while discussing with a friend how many huge things had hit our family in the last two months, I said I didn't know what God was teaching me through it all, because I had not seen myself change in anyway. She had told me she was excited for me, because I would get to see what wonderful things God was going to do through it. Either by changing me spiritually or some other way, I would see God.

But really, I had not seen myself change in anyway. And then Monday I just reached the newest low. That was when I was a puddle on the floor. I can take pretty much anything, but when it involves my children it knocks me for a loop. The material things can all come and go, and I would go on. But when my son's fears, stresses, and hurts, wounded me so harshly, that crushed me beyond belief. It really is harder to parent grown-up children than little ones. The love I have for them is all the same, but the job is so different. That will be a post for another day! lol

So when I was driving home I heard these words and they spoke to me. It was like someone understanding and giving me a big hug.

I want to thank you all for your loving words. It is truly amazing how we make such friendships through something as unusual as a blog! Not only did I receive blessing by Comment, I also received emails and phone calls. So thank you for your support!!

When I arrived home yesterday it was not to relax much as I might have liked to! Regular life doesn't stop even if you want it to because you are dealing with bigger things. You still have to deal with the small stuff.

• I had to deal with two little children who had been lying. This seems to be something that I am working on with two children in particular. Don't lie around me. I am a ferret. I will get to the bottom of it. I was a child that lied. I detest lying. My children will grow up knowing that truth, trust, honour, honesty, and integrity are very, very important. But in the meantime, I could not let these situations slide. I do want my children to *ever* think that a lie is something that will be excused.  

•  I found out that my two smallest children had been naughty and could have been badly hurt. Thankfully, it happened when there was an adult in attendance. One little monkey had climbed to the top of the five foot tall dresser and then sat perched on top. He then decided he wanted to get down but didn't know how to do so. At this point, monkey number two, who is 2 years older, decided to 'help' him, by opening the dresser drawers so that he could climb down. 

Can you visualize what happened next? Yes. Imagine the weight now in the drawers hanging out of the cabinet. The cabinet begins to fall forward. Little monkey up on top of the 5' tall dresser takes a flying leap out of the way of the huge dresser and lands safely out of dangers way. His sister also jumped to safety, after trying in vain to stop the falling dresser from falling on its face. Neither child was injured in any way, but trust me, we talked when I got home!!!
The poor babysitters in the house had heard this almighty crash and went flying up the stairs to find what could have been a very tragic accident! Thank God for His angels that probably dragged my naughty little children out of the way! I think of the Three Little Kittens who lost their mittens when I think of those two...

Three little kittens they lost their mittens, and they began to cry,
"Oh mother dear, we sadly fear that we have lost our mittens."
"What! Lost your mittens, you naughty kittens!
Then you shall have no pie."
"Meeow, meeow, meeow, now we shall have no pie."

The three little kittens they found their mittens,
And they began to cry,
"Oh mother dear, see here, see here
For we have found our mittens."
"Put on your mittens, you silly kittens
And you shall have some pie"
"Meeow, meeow, meeow,
Now let us have some pie."

The three little kittens put on their mittens
And soon ate up the pie,
"Oh mother dear, we greatly fear
That we have soiled our mittens."
"What! soiled you mittens, you naughty kittens!"
Then they began to cry, "Meeow, meeow, meeow"
Then they began to sigh.
The three little kittens they washed their mittens
And hung them out to dry,

Yes, that is my two! lol

• I received a phone call from my mortgage company. That had to be dealt with.

 By now, I could feel the pressure mounting inside me. I could feel my hands beginning to shake and knew I needed to unload some pressure. It was the impending call to the mortgage company that was undoing me. I had Cassidy make me some camomile tea, and took my Bible in the office and just sat and prayed.

I then opened it to Isaiah 52:12 and 21, 22

I, even I, am he who comforts you and gives you all this joy. So what right have you to fear mere mortal men, who wither like the grass and disappear. 

But now listen to this, afflicted ones - full of troubles and in a stupor (but not from being drunk) - this is what the Lord says, the Lord your God cares for his people: "See, I take from your hands the terrible cup;



As I sat there I felt my shaking slow down, and a peace come over me. I knew that I had people praying for me. Why? Because even after I talked to the mortgage broker I was calm and relaxed. I was able to be with my children and not worry about this *impossible* situation we had going on. I watched some tv with the big boys and then headed to bed knowing that even if the worst came to the worst and they didn't advance us the money, God would help me to figure out how to pay the bills and continue the house. Even if I had to use a child for collateral I could do it! I certainly have enough of them! lol

Regarding the mortgage company the mistake was uncovered and it was clear what had happened. It was a combination of having a very nice, but disorganized mortgage broker, a new plan in our bank, and our thinking we understood something that obviously we really didn't.

So the short version is that sometime ago all the underwriters were let go in our Big City and all the dealings were to go through Toronto. There was one man that was not let go. He was given a job in Toronto. He worked his way up to second in command. Credit Manager.

For the last four days, my mortgage broker was working with her Rep, and they were arguing with the bank, stating that the formula they were using didn't make sense. It didn't. She told them that we had years of experience building houses and working with bankers on builders mortgages. This new method was outrageous and noone could build a house with it. They couldn't. Not unless they had all the money up front and then wanted a mortgage at the end. Who needs it then?

Well, the banks are getting scared. Houses are not getting finished, and builders are walking away leaving the banks holding the loan, so they have changed it to make us pay for most of it up front and then they will secure a mortgage once the house is finished. But that wouldn't help us! We couldn't finish it.

Our broker hadn't read the papers and understood this new change and so she didn't explain it to us, and we thought we understood it (but we were misunderstanding), so we had a huge, huge, mess.

Anyway, today, she called to tell me she had spent the last hour on the phone with this Credit Manager. He had decided he would make an Exception for us. He would take it back to the original way they did builders mortgages - the way we knew: multiply the amount they are loaning you by the percentage of work you have done on the house. We have done 42% of the building and so multiply 42% x the amount we are borrowing. A simple equation, but not the way they are now doing it.

We are so incredibly thankful to you all for praying. As I said, in absolute unbelief, to the mortgage broker: "It's a miracle!" She replied, "Yes, it is. But you always get miracles!"

This is a woman that has heard me share so many stories of God working in our lives, and she is in awe, but yet, sadly, she doesn't claim the God that is providing these miracles. It is always amazing to me when people watch my life in awe and speak of the faith that they *see* me show, and they tell me how miracles happen to *me*, and yet, they are afraid to take a chance on what I believe. They don't know what they are missing!

This is from the email she sent me later that day:

Thanks so much for your patience, Justine!!  You Have Faith!

I wish people like her, who claim to see miracles and wonderful things happening in my life, would take a chance and see if there really is a God that loves them. Not just a faceless, impersonal God, but a God that loves them individually and wants the very best for each of them. 

I feel like I might be at the end of my long list of burdens. I can see God's hand on each of them:

Car accident: 

• could have been so much worse
• got my van towed to our town when I had no 'Road star plus' which covers that 
• had two witnesses who saw the accident making it cut and dried
• the woman took immediate responsibility
• my van was not written off - $10,000 + but not a write-off
• I am covered for 12 deep muscle massages for stress 
• offered us a non-medical settlement that is very fair

Cooper's trip to Children's Hospital:

• all tests came out with no problems
• was able to get into the CT scan immediately
• Loving Gramma Rusty stepped in and took care of my children

 My husband's Gramma dying:

• Ray got a chance to visit his family and travel with his two brothers for one week
• Ray got the first days off that he has taken in over four months

 Very dysfunctional visitor turned our family upside down for a couple weeks.

• This caused my husband to reveal to me something I wasn't aware of: That the thing that he thought about the most was that the Bible says to take care of the widows and orphans. This has caused some real interesting thinking and action to take place in our home since that time. Soon there will be a post on that. Keep tuned in.

Discovered some of our children had been through something terrible.

•  Saw God's protective hand on them, as He revealed this to us.

Hubby lost his upcoming winter contract.

• My hubby has been freed up to work on our new home. Granted there is no money for bills. lol. but we can pay him very minimally for working on our home. This will increase our mortgage, but it does create work for him.

Terrifying teen crisis.

• God revealed something that needed to be addressed. 
• Our son's life was protected because of this.

 Wonderful house guest from Switzerland for three weeks.

• This showed me that I can, indeed, have a mother's helper. I thought I wouldn't like sharing my space, but this situation fell in our lap and it showed me how wonderful it could be. More on that later.

Small son experiencing strange flashes and shapes in vision for several weeks.

• While he was being seen for the bullet in the eye, a specialist happened to be in town that week, causing my worries to be laid somewhat to rest. 

 Same small son shot in the eye.

• His eye should have been pierced. These bullets are not toys. They travel at many feet second. 
• His vision has restored to normal

Mortgage company made huge mistake putting us at great risk.

• A Credit Manager decided to do us a huge kindness fixing the error we made.

 Son could have been killed.

• God protected him and he awoke before his car hit the oncoming car..

A personal crisis.

• This caused my hubby and I to make time to go out for a beautiful, intimate dinner and talk.

• At home we talked about deep important issues and it was so good.

An adoption situation.

•  Waiting to see the miracles from this one. You'll have to wait to... *smile*

Today, once the mortgage company called to tell me all was worked out I felt like I could just enjoy life again. My family is alive and well, my van is being repaired, my son is settling nicely into college, my little son is doing 'fine', our finances are being worked out. I can catch my breath until the next thing hits.

In the meantime, what did I learn?

That my faith didn't waver, but it did get shaken up. Did I question God? No. I just felt very overwhelmed by it all. I always knew that God would be with me, no matter what. Yes, he might have let our mortgage fail, but He would never leave me nor forsake me during that time. And He showed His presence in every other situation through the abnormal peace I felt in each situation.

I also felt the love of all my friends, when I got weak.

Thanks to all my friends. I feel almost ready for the next round. Almost. lol
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